The Promise
by Lang Noi
Summary: AU from Kakashi Gaiden. When Madara screws up the first part of his evil plan, the shinobi world is introduced to youkai from another land. It all starts with a fox, and it turns out that even the Fates can be thwarted if there's a little extra chaos.
1. Götterdämmerung

**A/N:** This is a sort of reimagining of the concept of an earlier story, called _Lesson of the Fox_. And since the original was a crossover with _Inuyasha_, so is this one.

Some of the names and such will be recognizable between the two stories, but not all. _Inuyasha_ characters will be making intermittent appearances and cameos throughout the fic.

Also, this story is set slightly before Kakashi Gaiden in _Naruto_ canon, and approximately a thousand years after the end of the _Inuyasha_ series.

And I apologize for any inconsistent Japanese.

**Prologue: ****Götterdämmerung**

* * *

_In the darkness beyond the mountains, where the land was bare and hard and there was no safety when the weather shifted to a storm harsh enough to strip bark from trees, monsters roamed. In the past, there had been great battles fought among their mysterious kind. Mountains were brought low. The seas boiled. Whole villages vanished into hungry gullets of a thousand cruel beasts. The land ran red with blood._

_In time, the world had changed. The youkai of the west had been united under a common banner for the first time in two hundred years, under the command of a powerful dog youkai who had seen the edge of Hell and stormed the gates with nothing but his own power. A youkai who had looked into the abyss with the abyss looking back, and had beaten it down with just one hand and an ancestral sword._

_Under his leadership, life returned to the West. The man-eaters were chased down and killed. The humans were allowed to live as long as they obeyed his laws, and the laws of the general's half-brother, who walked among them. _

_The general issued a proclamation after the last of the enemy was driven to the borders. There was only one request for the human as the times of darkness ended. On the night of the new moon, the youkai of the thirteen great clans and the four cardinal directions were to meet. The general ordered that no human was to stray outside during these nights, on pain of death._

_And it would not be a quick death._

_In a time closer to the twilight, there was a man. He was considered a powerful shinobi, on par with the greatest of his generation if not surpassing them. But as though the people knew his heart was cold and black, he lost the battle for leadership of his village to his own distant cousin. Consumed by rage and wounded pride, the man brought a powerful nine-tailed fox against his former home, wanting to see it burn to the ground if he could not rule. He failed yet again, and he and his most loyal followers were driven from their lands, hounded by their enraged former friends._

_In desperation, he fled to the distant mountains, beyond the sea of trees, and in doing so crossed a border he did not know existed. He had entered a new land, and he and his were almost immediately set upon by monsters of all types. Huge, scaled worms, massive mantises, and lowly, vicious creatures poured from the cracks in the rocks to feed._

_Though many of his followers died, the man found that he could fight the monsters—youkai—when he feared for his life. He killed them with fire, water, and whatever other powers he could muster and, without noticing, was drawn further into the new land._

_One day, he found shelter in the court of a great fox. The man, who had controlled a fox youkai once before, thought himself very fortunate to find another so quickly. He entertained himself with thoughts of vengeance on his home and his deadly rival, who had driven him out once already. He stayed at the fox's court for three moons, and only after the new moon passed did he make his move._

_He approached the fox during a midnight banquet held among all of the great demon lords, where one more person could be safely ignored. He used his eyes, fabled in his homeland, to beguile the fox and persuade him to fight at his side and crush the man's hated homeland._

_He failed._

_The fox broke the illusion and the ground quaked with his rage. The dog and fox lords caught the man between them, and their servants dragged the man's followers into the room; bound, senseless, or already dead. _

_The fox spoke, "This man was the foreigner I gave shelter to, who shows his true nature in trying to charm me away from my home. He meant to use me as a weapon against the humans across the mountains!"_

_The dog said, "Is this true, human? You dare deceive one of my vassals to use him against your fellow worthless monkeys?"_

_The man found himself unable to deny it._

_The dog youkai grew angry. "You are a worthless upstart, like all your kind. My judgment is this: you and yours will wander the wilds for a hundred years, and you will never find peace, safety, or a kind word. Any who call you master or claim you as kin will die screaming to the last, and if you or any of your progeny ever travel to this side of the mountains as long as a single demon lord still lives, we will kill you."_

_A nearby bat youkai, grinning horribly, took the first of the man's followers. He struck the man's head from his shoulders, skinned the corpse in one movement, and nailed both body and skin to the eastern wall. The head he kept for himself._

_Between the nine lords still in the room, all of the man's followers were likewise maimed and killed. _

_When it was done, the dog youkai said, "And from you, I will take your precious eyes as your price for trespassing in our world. May you live in perpetual agony."_

_The man was cast from the lands to the West, dogged by carrion-eaters every step of the way. Once he left the mountains, he fled to his long-abandoned home, where no one would recognize the pitiful wretch he had become. It lasted until the man was taken in by one of his cousins, who did not recognize the former clan leader but was simple and kind enough to shelter a stranger._

_The man killed him and stole his eyes._

_They say the cruel man, who once angered the youkai beyond the mountains, is dead. Others say that, on nights when the moon is bright, he still stares at the moon with his stolen eyes open wide, swearing vengeance on the creatures that brought him low._

_And in the inner sanctum of the dog youkai, some say that the man's original eyes still wait for their owner's return._

* * *

Kusa no Kuni (seventy years later):

The war between Iwa and Konoha had spread over the years. Even as the two bitter enemies fought and were occasionally joined by the smaller villages all around them, neither side was letting up. It had, over time, discouraged any trade between the two countries, and it made the situation for the smaller hidden villages that much worse. It didn't help that Kusagakure in particular was located right between the two angry giants. With no merchandise, traveling merchants became a rare breed and the roads were usually bereft of even wandering bandits, who knew better than to hunt where there was no prey. It didn't help that half the roads through Kusa territory were patrolled by shinobi from both major countries, all of whom had a tendency toward acting first and asking questions to whatever as left.

Therefore, it was a bit of a surprise when Team Sakumo spotted three travelers walking down what was one of the few Konoha-controlled major roads. It seemed simple enough-a woman wearing a broad straw hat, and her two children. The woman was tall and wore her hair in a long black braid down her back, but her children were little black-haired hellions in children's yukatas.

A tiny voice rang out over the grasslands, nearly drowned out by the sound of rushing wind over the fields. "Kaachan, I think we're lost."

"Kaachan, I'm hungry!" said the other. Before long, both children were screaming at their mother, demanding food or rest or any combination thereof. The mother finally dragged the two over to the side of the road and took out a pair of bento boxes, which she handed out without much ceremony. The children cheered and their mother sat on a rock by the side of the road, rubbing her temples. Sakumo winced in sympathy—his Kakashi had _never_ been that bad, but he'd seen other children screaming nearly as much. It was complete and utter hell on shinobi senses.

"They seem normal enough," whispered Kuwa, who was sitting behind a rock slightly to Sakumo's left. The black-haired man frowned. "But they could still be Iwa-nin in disguise."

Kama, their third teammate, nodded. "Seems like a stupid way to avoid detection, though," she commented. "Who'd want to have to listen to their teammates acting like brats for however long it takes to find us?"

Sakumo just sighed under his breath. "We'll keep an eye on them. If they don't turn out to be Iwa-nin under some kind of elaborate disguise, we'll let them go."

They said nothing for several minutes. Kuwa brought his hands together in a Rat seal, closing his eyes. Kama muttered something about stupid teammates and Sakumo tried not to tell her off first. They needed the element of surprise in case of an ambush.

"I'm not detecting any genjutsu over them." Kuwa said after releasing control over his chakra for a moment. He was the group's sensor, similar to how Kama was the waspish ninjutsu specialist despite her gender. "Actually, I'm not even getting any of the standard civilian readings off them."

"Then what do you sense?" Sakumo prompted quietly.

"...It's not chakra." Kuwa answered hesitantly. His frown was deeper than before. "I don't think the three on the road can use ninjutsu or genjutsu at all with the way their energy seems to be flowing. But whatever it is, it replaces chakra. They don't have any whatsoever."

Kama stared. She sputtered, "But _everyone_ has chakra! Even the trees back home do!"

"Well, I'm telling you they don't. So, I'm thinking...construct?" Kuwa suggested.

Sakumo decided to fall back on logic. He was no expert in the exact techniques required to fool a sensor so completely, so he had to reason it out. "I doubt that Iwa has the skill to create three chakra golems while somehow not actually using any. Kuwa-kouhai is the best sensor we have. No one's tricked him before."

"Well, I'm no Hyuuga, but thanks for the compliment." Kuwa said, rubbing his neck.

"Since there are bandits heading down the road right now, I think we're about to see one way or another." Kama said coolly, drawing both men's attention back to the road they were supposed to be watching.

Indeed, there were about seven badly-dressed outlaws on the road, surrounding the tiny family. The mother had shoved both children behind her and was trying to keep all seven enemies in sight. The first one had drawn his sword and was shouting something unintelligible, while the mother looked like she was about to slap him in the face. There was fear in the group, but only among the two children. The bandits and the mother were either confident or enraged.

Kuwa finally spoke up. "Sakumo-senpai, all seven of the bandits are Iwa-nin in disguise."

_Shit._ Sakumo drew his famous white light chakra saber, black eyes narrowed. It was going to be a messy battle, but the Iwa-nin needed to be taken care of and if they could save a trio of weird civilians, it was just all in a day's work. If they were lucky, at least one of the three might even survive.

The mother punched the nearest bandit in the face and everything went to hell.

"_Shunshin no jutsu_!" hissed Kama, and then she was already using her favored raiton jutsu to blow through the first Iwa-nin she could reach.

Sakumo, usually the muscle of the group due to his kenjutsu and taijutsu leanings, had kicked one of the Iwa-nin in the head and jammed the white chakra saber through another's eye by the time she got there.

"It's Konoha's White Fang!" screamed one of the shinobi at the rear—he was the one who had grabbed one of the children. The kid was biting him.

And just like that, there were suddenly five more Iwa-nin than they had started with. It was a trap—obviously hiding behind some sort of chakra-dampening technique—and a good one. A three-man cell might have fallen quickly to such a group. But Team Sakumo was skilled, and they had yet to slow down no matter how many enemies there were. They were too skilled to die just because of superior numbers. The enemy needed superior skill, and they sure didn't have it.

Kuwa flew into the fray and suddenly one of the Iwa-nin was headless.

The mother, having been grabbed in an arm lock by the apparent leader, stared in shock. Then, shaking herself, she shouted, "Asuza, Chihiro, change now!"

_BAMPH_. Suddenly both little girls, who had been dangling from their captors' arms, were replaced by vicious little creatures Sakumo hesitated to identify as foxes. No fox he'd ever seen would bite a man's fingers off to break his grip, then race off into the bushes as if nothing had happened.

The leader held a kunai to the woman's throat, snarling, "What the hell was that supposed to be, bitch?"

She broke his nose with her left fist. "How about, 'what the hell is with jumping a family minding their own damn business,' you stupid fuck?" For a hostage, she seemed determined not to play the part at all. As for why she was being being held hostage in the first place... Iwa had made a point of risking civilian lives when fighting Konoha-nin, if only because Konoha had shown a sort of soft spot for them over the years. It didn't apply in battle, but apparently this Iwa-nin was too stupid to realize it.

Kama actually paused right after blasting one of the enemy shinobi with another raiton technique and making his earthen defensive wall implode. "I like her."

Kuwa rolled his eyes. "You would."

"Back to the enemy, please." Sakumo reminded his team, lashing out with one arm and breaking the nearest Iwa-nin's jaw.

"Get bent, bastard!" the former damsel in distress shouted. "How about I bust your jaw to match your nose?"

"That's _it_!" the Iwa-nin snarled, forming the Ram, Horse and Dragon seals in rapid succession. "_Doton: Doryuudan_!"

A gigantic dragon head made of dirt and rock suddenly appeared between the woman and the Iwa-nin she had angered, making her flinch. The dragon opened its mouth, ready to fire, and Sakumo _moved_. No one on the battlefield saw him grab the woman and yank her out of the way of the technique, but it must have happened. There was no other explanation for their sudden reappearance, unharmed, less than a second after the technique blasted through the area where they should have been standing. After landing fifteen feet away and dropping her so she could recover from the backlash of his Shunshin, he whirled on the spot and charged with his saber leading.

The leading Iwa-nin nearly died on the first strike. He would have, if he hadn't managed to get a kunai up to block in time.

"So this is the strength of the White Fang?" the Iwa-nin gasped, grinning at Sakumo despite how much danger he was in. He didn't get a chance to throw a second taunt, but not for the reason they both thought.

As if from nowhere, the woman appeared next to Sakumo's right elbow. Her hat was gone, her hair was loose, her face about half a meter from his, and it gave him a perfect view of her blood-red eyes and pointed ears. She put a hand against the Iwa-nin's side and there was a flash of brilliant blue-white light. When it faded and he could finally see again without seeing spots first, there wasn't anything left of the enemy other than ash.

For a moment, Sakumo could only stare. _This_ was a civilian?

The woman smiled. "We still have a battle to end."

Konoha's White Fang inclined his head briefly to her and returned to the fight in earnest. The woman went off into the grass, calling for her children.

Later, they would discover that the strange woman was named Souten, and she had been out traveling with her two youngest children in an attempt to teach them the ways of the wild as much as she could, before they grew up into warriors. She identified herself as a raijuu, to general disbelief, and a foreigner to the point that she'd barely understood what shinobi were. Not long after that, she would promise Hatake Sakumo, the man who had saved her from being hurt, assistance when the time came.

Sakumo never lived to see that promise fulfilled.

His son did.

* * *

**A/N:** Here's a bit of random trivia—Sakumo's teammate's names are both agricultural implements. Kuwa means "hoe" and Kama means "scythe." They fit with Sakumo ("crops") and Kakashi ("scarecrow"). You can expect most of the minor shinobi characters to have themed names. :D


	2. Favors Owed

**Favors Owed**

* * *

_One of the funny things about my people is this little niggling problem: we always, __**always**__ repay a debt, keep our promises, and stay loyal to people we owe that loyalty to. When you're a clan of chronic pranksters, this can be a bit of an issue. We try to keep things simple when we owe someone; an eye for an eye, a life for a life._

_Not all of them are really that straightforward, however. Sometimes circumstances change, and sometimes they change us. I blame Momo._

_It all started on a bright, sunny day in Konoha…_

* * *

Konohagakure no Sato:

Having just gotten back from a long, hard training session in which Obito had gotten stomped by Kakashi (again), Rin had had to pull out the med-kit for everyone, and Minato had nearly managed to punt both boys through a tree, Team Minato was looking forward to a moment of relaxation. And with Team Minato, that usually meant going to the nearest ramen bar and eating everything in sight. And then possibly getting Rin and Kakashi to drag the rest of them to the hospital for stomach pumping. Or possibly trying to drag Jiraiya-sensei away from the hot springs for five minutes, but none of them felt up to it today.

Alas, it was not to be.

"Stop, thief!"

The storefront across the street exploded into cardboard confetti, white smoke, and leaves. Flying fruit flew everywhere, and someone was nearly brained by a cabbage. And bursting from the smoke, moving as though the wrath of the gods was about to come down on it, was a fox.

It landed on Uchiha Obito's head.

There was a pause, and then a shriek that sounded like, "AAUGH!" The fox's squeal of panic was drowned out entirely.

The fox, about the size of a small housecat, managed to panic even more impressively than the excitable Uchiha. Even though it was supposedly carrying an entire basket full of fried tofu in its mouth, it managed to leave at least half a dozen bite and scratch marks on the hapless Obito before fleeing.

For a moment, Team Minato was stunned by the sudden turn of events.

Then, after Rin saw to Obito's wounds, Minato-sensei grinned and said, "Let's get that fox."

It turned out later that the little rascal was actually the subject of half a dozen D-rank missions, none of which had been completed successfully. That actually didn't matter much in the grand scheme of things—as far as Minato-sensei, Kakashi, Obito, and Rin were all concerned, it was time for a bit of payback.

The little bastard would never know what hit it.

* * *

For being a half-grown fox carrying its own weight in inarizushi, the animal was _fast_.

They'd tried backing it into corners, but it leapt to roof height and ran along the gutters. When Obito lunged at it, like they did with the fire daimyo's wife's animals, it lunged right back and bit his hand. Kakashi had tried a net trap and an earth jutsu, but the fox would swerve around them when it ran, which usually meant that Rin or Obito would get caught in the net instead. Genjutsu was a complete and total bust. Even Minato couldn't get a hand on it to mark it for the Hiraishin.

They chased it across rooftops, through the streets, and over walls. More than one poor Konoha civilian had nearly had a heart attack after seeing the Yellow Flash and his entire team chasing after an oddly satisfied-looking fox. And all the way, the fox did everything possible to cause as much chaos as it could; between the uprooted vegetables, exploding storefronts, and panicking civilians wondering what the hell was going on, the fox had successfully managed to annoy nearly every shinobi in the village into going after it.

The ones who weren't too busy laughing, anyway.

It was starting to dawn on the various pursuers that this probably wasn't any ordinary fox. While no one had ever heard of any clan that raised foxes as animal partners, it seemed a little more likely than a single wild animal making fools out of an entire shinobi village.

After an hour or so, Obito noticed the animal starting to tire. It didn't try for extreme maneuvers anymore—no roof-hopping, mostly—and tended to duck and dodge in a small area rather than led them on impressive long-distance chases.

That was about when, after just leaving yet another meeting with Biwako about her "condition," Kushina was the one who caught it. The damn thing leapt straight into her arms.

The collective groans from about a hundred more expressive shinobi could be heard two villages over.

* * *

At a loss as to what else to do, Team Minato (and Kushina) brought the fox to the Hokage tower. After bullying their way past the chuunin guards (which was always too easy), they ended up in the office, Kushina still holding onto the animal miscreant. After they made their report, the Sandaime Hokage, Sarutobi Hiruzen, stared.

"It's a fox." Sarutobi said disbelievingly.

Well, to be a shinobi, one had to have a firm grasp of the obvious. In their case, it was the fox lying contentedly in Kushina's arms, still eating its way through its stock of inarizushi.

"Given that it was chased around by half the shinobi in Konoha for an hour, I'd say it's no ordinary fox." Minato put in.

"I can see that." Sarutobi said. "Is it a clan animal?"

"Not as far as anyone here knows, Hokage-sama."

"A youkai?" Obito suggested, since he was the one Rin had needed to patch up before they could even get in the tower.

Kushina held it up for closer inspection. "Too small."

"Well, we've caught it. What are we supposed to do with it now?" Kakashi asked.

The fox looked up at them. Under the stares of the Yellow Flash, his team, the host of the Kyuubi, and the Sandaime Hokage, it flattened its ears against its head. It even snarled at Obito, who wondered of the little menace could understand human speech.

"What's this?" Rin leaned over and picked something up off the floor.

It was a little white ball that looked like a very fat pearl. Or possibly an onion. The ball, however, was glowing with green fire that didn't seem to be burning Rin's fingers off. She held it up for everyone to see, and the fox went insane.

Or at least it tried, but Kushina managed to grab it by the back of its neck and shook it briefly. When it tried to bite her, she jerked her hand again and it fell limp. Its eyes, however, remained fixed on the little glowing ball.

"I've heard of this." Sarutobi said after a moment. He took a long drag from his pipe. "Some of the old stories say that fox youkai carry gems called hoshi no tama. No one ever quite agreed on whether they were supposed to hold the fox's magic or its soul, but once you have one, the fox who owns it will do anything to get it back."

Everyone looked at the fox (except Kakashi, who was trying very hard to look like he didn't care). Minato said, "Can we get it to fix all the damage it caused to the village?"

"Probably not," the Hokage said, "since foxes are both tricksters and try to worm their way out of things. We'd be lucky if the storefronts were only put back upside-down."

The fox's ears flattened against its skull and its lips drew back, revealing small white teeth. It growled, though it wasn't very intimidating.

"If this fox has a hoshi no tama, I suppose it's actually a fox youkai cub." Sarutobi said finally. "So, can you talk?"

"Hokage-sama, I'm not sure—" Rin began, but the fox lunged and nearly took one of her fingers off in an attempt to get the gem.

"Hey." Kushina said sharply, "Stop that."

The fox growled, and, after a moment, it spoke. Unsurprisingly, it wasn't happy. "Give that back, you stupid little human! It's mine!"

"You take back what you said about Rin!" Obito snapped back.

As his entire team proceeded to get into an argument with a fox held captive (more or less) by his fiancée, Minato exchanged glances with Sarutobi. "So, what should we do with it?"

Sarutobi's reply was cut off as the fox seemed to explode into white smoke. Kushina swore and Obito shouted, but none of them made any move to track the youkai down until the smoke cleared. It turned out that they didn't have to.

In the fox's place, crouching on top of Sarutobi's desk, was a very, _very_ small child. If Minato had to guess, she was about the size of his head. She had reddish hair done up in a bun, yellowish-brown eyes and wore a green kimono. And, as Sarutobi noticed first, she had a bright red fox tail and little black fox paws for feet.

It was like the fox had tried to transform into a human, but had learned what humans looked like from a shojo manga.

Minato grabbed her this time. "So, fox, what's your name?"

The transformed fox tried to spit in his face, but she clearly hadn't figured out how human lips worked. Struggling to wipe the spittle from her lip without having long enough arms, she grumbled, "Momo."

"That's a cute name." Minato said, and he could feel everyone staring at him, especially Obito and Kushina. Well, Minato had always been famous for making friends everywhere he went, so why wouldn't it apply here? "How old are you, Momo-chan?"

"Ten," she said grudgingly. Unnoticed by anyone, Sarutobi's eyebrows shot upward. Momo wasn't much younger than Minato's team.

"Well, you're old enough to know what manners are. Apologize to Rin." Minato suggested, and Momo nearly winced.

The fox cub seemed to struggle with herself for a moment, then said in a very small voice, "Sorry."

"For what?" Minato pressed.

"…for calling you a stupid little human." Momo added. She was staring resolutely at the floor, and so didn't see Rin staring at her and her sensei in open-mouthed shock. "Can I please have my hoshi no tama back?"

Rin nodded and returned the item. The fox grabbed it in her tiny hands and swallowed it.

"Sensei, are you sure you're _human_?" Obito whispered, openly gaping at him.

"I'm sure." Minato said with a shrug as Momo accepted her jewel back. "You just need to know how to deal with children."

"Can I go now?" Momo asked. "Neechan's expecting me back soon."

Sarutobi gave her a curious look. "Why?"

"Tou-san has his older children look after the younger ones." Momo explained, still apparently finding the floor fascinating. "I told her I just wanted to have fun in the village, but the inarizushi smelled so _good_…"

Far be it from a ramen fanatic to condemn someone with a similar food obsession.

"Can your family help repay us for the damages?" Minato asked gently, as his team, sensei's sensei, and fiancée looked on in a kind of stunned fascination.

"Uh, neechan might have a few ideas…" The fox looked up at Minato briefly. "I think she's already in the village, anyway."

"Quite right, imouto-chan," said a dry voice, and everyone looked over at the window. There was a girl perched on the windowsill.

Just from her height, Obito realized that she was at least two or three years older than they were. She had long black hair bunched into three different segments, each tied off with a string of beads, and gold-brown eyes that tilted up at the corners. And unlike practically everyone with two brain cells to rub together, she was wearing a summer yukata with a leaf pattern instead of something practical (such as _pants_). She was even barefoot.

She gave them a V-sign with her two longest fingers. "Yo."

Momo winced. "Ahahaha…hi, Nariko-neechan. When did you get here?"

"About five minutes ago." Nariko said mildly. "It's kind of hard to ignore the kind of chaos you stirred up. I knew it had to be you, since it's not like the village is under attack."

There was an unmistakable undertone of "_Just what the hell did you __**do**__?_" in her voice.

"I was hungry." Momo mumbled.

"So you ate the entire village's stock of fried tofu."

The fox cub actually seemed to curl in on herself despite not moving out of Minato's hands. She whimpered, "It was so_ good_…"

Nariko said nothing for a moment.

"If you're her 'Nariko-neechan,' that means you're also a fox youkai." Kushina said.

"That's mostly right." Nariko said after a second or two in which Momo tried to make herself look as small as possible. "But since we're actually half-siblings, I don't take responsibility for her insanity."

"Oh?" said the Hokage.

"But Nariko—!" Momo began, eyes filling up with tears.

Nariko cut her off. "Momo-chan, you already knew you weren't supposed to head into Konohagakure without me. But you did. Whose fault is that?"

"But nobody told me it was a shinobi village!" Momo wailed. "How was I supposed to know?"

"…I would have thought the headbands would have been a hint." Nariko said dryly, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, you've caused a lot of trouble and you need to go home now."

Momo sniffled, "But…"

"You might be your mother's favorite, but as far as I'm concerned you're just a cute brat." Nariko said. She sighed. "Look, just go home. It's not that far. Haru-chan should be waiting for you when you get there."

Scowling and crying all at once, the little fox gave a final whine before disappearing in a swirl of leaves and smoke. If Minato listened closely, he could hear tiny pattering footsteps across nearby rooftops.

"Sorry about that." Nariko said after everyone was sure the little fox cub was gone. "She's not really old enough to come out here on her own, and it's mostly because she just grabs things without thinking about it."

"…" Well, no one in the room was going to say that the situation was "not a problem," because it _was_, but it probably didn't pay to be rude to a youkai.

"So, how much trouble did Momo get up to?" Nariko asked.

Sarutobi wordlessly handed her a list of every shop that was claiming damages.

Nariko read the first four lines, paused, and swore. "There is _no way_ I'd be able to pay this back in the time they're looking for."

"I though foxes could make money appear out of thin air." Obito said.

"Well, that gold is fake." Nariko said bluntly, unknowingly crushing one of the Uchiha's many fond childhood memories. "So is the paper money, since, you know, foxes don't use money much, and why would we carry any real gold around? It's heavy. If I want to pay you guys back for everything and I'm honest about it, I can't afford it."

"Well, we also have community service as an option…" Sarutobi suggested. Kakashi made a nearly inaudible sound in his throat that sounded a little like he was about to choke.

"Yeah…" Nariko handed the scroll back to the Hokage and scratched the end of her nose, thinking. "But I'm not painting fences or buying groceries for you people when she should have been the one punished. She can handle a damn _fence_."

Sarutobi brought his fingers together in a triangle in front of his nose. He hadn't liked the comment about "you people" much. "I don't think you understand, Nariko-san. We are at war with Iwa and Kumo, not to mention a dozen other minor villages. If we wanted you to pay us back through chores, we would have said so."

"Hm? Then I'll listen." They had successfully caught the fox's interest. It was a miracle.

Sarutobi seemed to smile from beneath the angled brim of his hat. "We'll simply need you on-call for one mission. Just one."

"Really? That sounds a bit too good to be true." Nariko gave them what Obito would later dub the "Fox Smile," which meant that her eyes were closed but her grin was rather suspiciously wide.

"It will probably be critical to our village's survival as we know it." Minato added. It wasn't like the fox was going to be terribly loyal to the village one way or another, but she did owe _them_. That might mean something later.

"Well, that makes sense." Nariko said mildly. "If it's only one mission—probably against Iwagakure, Kumogakure, or Kirigakure, now that I think of it—with a high probability of death and probably an equally high chance of catastrophic failure, then I'm in. You'd need a youkai on a mission like that." She yawned. "Well, as long as you pay me whatever's left over from the mission paycheck after repairs are taken out. I happen to like money."

Sarutobi smirked. "Of course." Mostly because it was likely to be close to zero .

"In that case, I'm in." Nariko said. She looked around at everyone in the room, smiling faintly and looking quite smug. "So, should I let myself out?"

The Hokage shrugged. "You got in through the window, so I don't see why not. Shoo."

The fox-woman gave a mock salute. "Yes, Hokage-sama. I'll be around when you need me!"

But halfway out the window, she stopped. "Actually, I need to ask you something."

"Ask away," said Sarutobi.

"Um, two things. One, is that kid over there an Uchiha?" Nariko asked, pointing right at Obito.

"Uchiha Obito, actually." Sarutobi said.

A rather disgusted look flickered across the fox's face for a moment, but it was gone before any of them really thought about it. "And…well, is Hatake Sakumo still alive?"

The temperature in the room seemed to drop by ten degrees.

"No." Kakashi said flatly.

"He died six years ago." Minato explained quietly.

The fox frowned. "Hm…well, does he have any living relatives?"

"Yes, in fact." Sarutobi said. "But if we give out this person's identity, what will you do with it?"

"Not much." Nariko replied. "It's just…a little more than six years ago, on a mission to Suna, Konoha's White Fang saved my mother and two of her youngest children. Since otosan cares a lot about her—she's his first wife—he promised that our clan would help Konohagakure in their 'time of need,' whenever that turned out to be." Nariko gave a helpless little shrug. "And since we're foxes, we always repay our debts."

Sarutobi said nothing for a long time. The shinobi in his office were all equally silent, well aware that a single slip of the tongue could cause a disaster.

"Come back another time," the Hokage said, "and I'll be sure to tell you. At the moment, the information is much too sensitive."

It was a bald-faced lie—everyone knew Kakashi was the White Fang's son, even if people knew better than to talk about it in front of him—but no one really trusted either of the fox youkai they had met so far. Momo was too easily cowed; Nariko was too bold. Their character would have to be tested before they could be trusted with anything.

Nariko's eyes narrowed suspiciously, but she said nothing of it. "In that case, I'll be going. Send a hawk when you need me."

And then she was off, following her younger sister's path across the rooftops before bouncing across the gap between two towers and out of the village.

If any of them heard her let out a rather hilarious shriek when she passed the Inuzuka compound, nobody said anything.

* * *

Konohagakure no Sato:

Between Nariko and Momo (who generally stayed at "home," wherever that was) and the three other fox youkai that had shown up in the past few weeks, the civilians were starting to become paranoid. Buckets of whitewash over the door quickly became a very old joke. Out of the throng of youkai, though, only Nariko and Momo stuck close to Team Minato.

It had taken four months of wheedling, whining, and general complaints, but eventually the Hokage decided to tell the foxes who the son of the White Fang was. They were very disappointed.

It was just by chance that the foxes hadn't guessed Kakashi's identity much, much earlier. At least, that's what everyone thought. There was a chance that the youkai were just stupid.

Nariko's reaction to the news was one of general disbelief. "So _you're_ Hatake's kid?"

Kakashi glared at her.

"Ah, sorry…just figured you'd be older."

The glare intensified.

Behind them, Momo was perched on Rin's shoulder, all initial dislike forgotten. For whatever reason, though, neither of the foxes liked Obito much. It was really rather inexplicable, since he had the personality closest to their own. Minato, for his part, supposed that they had lost a member of their family to a member of the Uchiha clan, but neither youkai had said anything about it.

"Mother's going to be _pissed_, though." Nariko remarked. "I still haven't sent a messenger back about the news..."

"She's going to be angrier about that than about Sakumo dying, though." Momo piped up. "You know how she can be about humans…"

In four months, none of the shinobi had told the foxes that Sakumo had committed suicide, either.

"Speaking of humans and youkai," Minato said after a minute of awkward silence (in which Obito imagined a giant fox eating an entire village), "how _exactly_ are you different from humans? And you're not much like bijuu, either."

"Um…" Nariko scratched the back of her head. "Well, we're a lot stronger physically than a normal human, though I don't know about taijutsu freaks like Gai compared to non-combat types like me and Momo…We also live a lot longer. I'm almost three hundred years old.

"They say that the youkai that can look human are the most dangerous ones, and it's true," she added. She plucked her sister from Rin's shoulder, and held her up. "Foxes are tricky since we can sometimes transform even if we're not really that powerful, but only kits like Momo screw up human transformations." At this, she indicated Momo's tail and feet. "But the time we hit fifty or so, this kind of stuff stops happening."

"You suck." Momo grumbled at her sister. She scrambled back to Rin as soon as Nariko let go.

"Momo's going to be what you'd call a genjutsu specialist when she grows up." Nariko went on, "Foxes are a lot better at that kind of thing than humans, to the point that most of us are totally immune to genjutsu. Fox-magic illusions are usually a lot harder to break, if not impossible, and they can last for _years_.

"Um… In general, youkai are also a lot harder to kill than humans. A lot of the stronger ones can regenerate limbs and shrug off the kinds of injuries that'd flat-out kill a human." She shrugged. "Even foxes like me can take a few holes through the chest before slowing down. And when it comes to _taiyoukai_…well, I've heard some really amazing things."

"And bijuu?" Minato reminded her.

"What about them? As far as youkai are concerned, they're a human problem." Nariko said dismissively. "Originally the nine bijuu were part of one human-shaped monster called the Juubi. But they don't work with or against normal youkai, so we kind of…just ignore them."

"A single bijuu is three hundred meters tall and can level a mountain," Kakashi said flatly. "I'd think they're pretty hard to just 'ignore.'"

Nariko shrugged. "It's policy. The inu youkai we all serve has been in power for over a thousand years—if you think we're going to argue with _him_, you're nuts. They say he killed the king of Hell back when he was still a teenager. Leveling mountains is easy when you can twist reality around your finger like a ribbon."

This was met with various levels of disbelief. They included "No way," "Hell no" and "What the hell were you smoking?"

"But all he does now is keep us all in line." Nariko added. "And he takes care of all the favored families, too. Not all of them are even youkai."

"Yeah…not believing that." Obito muttered.

"Meh. You asked."

"Actually, that wasn't me…"

After a moment, Momo piped up. "So, you all have a mission soon. Where are you going? Are you going to kill anyone?"

"It's not an assassination mission, if that's what you're asking." Rin replied. "But we are going into Kusa territory, for better or for worse."

"Sounds like fun," the fox cub said with a sigh.

"They must be shorthanded." Nariko said sarcastically, looking between the members of Team Minato with a frown. "The most famous jounin in the world and three chuunin—well, two chuunin and a newly minted jounin—off to reinforce Kusa or something." The correction was directed at Kakashi, who had somehow managed to get promoted a day beforehand, at age thirteen. Only the papers had yet to come in. "Are they sending you to rout Iwa by yourselves?"

Minato laughed. "No, no. That would be crazy."

"Got any backup, or is it just your team?" the fox-woman asked.

"Mm, no. Just us."

"In that case, I think I'll volunteer to go with you." Nariko said. The three students almost seemed to cringe. Minato just grinned. "What?"

"You sure sound excited about it," was all Minato said about it. Nariko wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or not.

"…Sure. Whatever." Nariko rolled her eyes. "I'm going with you and then I'll make sure my '_adorable'_ younger siblings stop trying to paint every shinobi green."

As if on cue, a paint-filled balloon landed two feet from Obito's left foot. His sandals were turned bright pink.

Obito was, of course, the one that spoke next. "…Have we got time to chase them down?"

"Nope," Minato replied cheerfully.

"Damn."

* * *

Somewhere between Kusa and Konoha:

Nariko blinked stupidly. "Jounin present? What for?"

The foxes were completely failing to understand the concept of "congratulation gifts." It was probably a cultural thing—Minato supposed that a fox generally only got presents during childhood, most of which were probably meant for teething or something—but Nariko and Momo (who had mysteriously decided to tag along) were still woefully confused.

"It's customary to give gifts when someone close to you achieves something." Minato said mildly. "It's a way of saying that you're happy for them, too."

"Then why not just _say_ that?" Nariko asked as Rin handed the customized medical pack to Kakashi and Obito pretended not to give a damn.

"Actions speak louder than words." Minato pointed out. "I'm sure you understand that much, at least."

"I'm just not seeing how giving child soldiers little tokens makes any sense," the fox-woman said dismissively. "Besides, the only good gift to give is one that can be _used_. What good is a wonky kunai?"

In that, she was referring to Minato's gift to Kakashi. Minato just smiled mysteriously—it would do no good to tell her that it was a vital component of the Hiraishin. She'd probably want to play with it.

Momo, who was hanging on Nariko's shoulders in her fox form, said, "It looks like a good chew toy."

"It's also Kakashi's now, so you won't do anything to it, _will you_?"

There was something in Minato's tone that sent the fox cub scrambling for a hiding place. This meant basically running right down the back of her sister's yukata to cower next to the knot in the obi, though Nariko shrieked. Kit claws were _sharp_.

Nariko hissed out a response after a moment of random flailing. "Stupid, _stupid_... Ooooh, that'll leave a mark…" Well, sort of.

Minato just smiled pleasantly.

"You're a jerk." Nariko accused, but the blond just walked off to quell a brewing fight between his students.

* * *

Kusa territory:

Several hours later, Team Minato and its two vulpine hangers-on were deep in Kusa territory, in search of the Kannabi Bridge. Though Minato had a different mission, one which would send him right up against Iwa and probably require him to slaughter hundreds of Iwa shinobi, he still escorted his students most of the way through the allied country without reservations.

The foxes, however, were getting a little annoying.

"Since when do mushrooms get that big?" Momo asked, still hiding in Nariko's neckline.

"It's Kusa." Obito said, as if that explained everything. It kind of did.

They were silent for a time, for different reasons. Minato and Kakashi could sense someone watching the group. Obito was getting the cold shoulder from both youkai and had fallen silent because of the sheer awkwardness of the situation. Both fox youkai could smell a stranger nearby. Rin was just being quiet.

Everyone stopped as Kakashi, in the lead, froze in place and held out a hand. Minato nodded in approval.

"How many?" asked Obito in a whisper.

"There seem to be more than twenty enemies." Kakashi said, equally quiet and all animosity forgotten.

Minato muttered, "It's probably just a bunch of kage bunshin." He glanced at his team, and at the fox youkai, who were both staring up at the massive trees and mushroom growths in absolute silence. None of them seemed too eager to rush into battle.

Except Kakashi. "Looks like it." The white-haired boy crouched next to him, but unlike the others, Minato could see that tension lined every inch of his frame. "Sensei, I'll go first. Please cover me."

"Slow down, Kakashi." Minato warned him. "You should be the backup this time."

But Kakashi was already starting on the hand seals required for his technique. "Sensei, I'm the captain today, right?" _Yes, but—_ "Besides, now's an excellent time to test out the new jutsu I've been developing." His hands began to glow with chakra-generated electricity. "Chidori!"

"How is he going to tell which one is real?" Momo piped up from somewhere in Nariko's clothes.

"Shut up." Nariko hissed at her.

"Let's go!" Kakashi was about to launch himself forward, but Minato held a hand out o stop him. It ended up not making a difference. "It doesn't matter how many enemies there are, this'll end it in a flash. It's the same as your nickname."

_No, no it isn't! _

"Besides…it's like you said, Sensei. The leader on this mission is me." Kakashi held his chakra-charged arm out to the side, looking directly into Minato's eyes. "It's a rule that a team must follow the leader's orders. Right, Sensei?"

Minato closed his eyes, pulling his arm back. The blond stayed silent—Kakashi would find out the truth soon enough.

Kakashi exploded into motion.

Minato followed.

Kage bunshin exploded into view, all wielding kunai and aiming directly at Kakashi, which he nimbly dodged. Minato's flung shuriken took out any he was too busy to avoid. However, he made a mistake.

He, like Minato, assumed the Iwa shinobi in hiding was the real one. Unlike the Yellow Flash, however, he didn't have enough speed to recover from that mistake. On and on the chase went, as Kakashi stabbed a dozen different fake enemies, but never seemed to get any closer. Still, "Next one!"

On the ground, there was an explosion less than two meters in front of Obito.

It looked like a kage bunshin, or at least it did—Minato stabbed it to death pretty much instantaneously. "Don't let your guard down, Obito!"

Obito was fighting back terrified tears. "R-right, Sensei!"

Nariko's head whipped around. "Kakashi found the real one."

Minato vanished again.

"Don't push it, brat!" snarled the illusive Iwa shinobi as he went to meet Kakashi's charge, katana in hand.

Kakashi wordlessly lashed out with the Chidori.

The immediate world seemed to explode. Minato grabbed Kakashi just before the Iwa shinobi's katana was about to shred his student from hip to shoulder and the Chidori dissipated harmlessly. He slammed a hand down on the enemy's foot, marking it with the Hiraishin's seal, and leapt away just as the other man retreated.

They reappeared between Obito and Rin, with Nariko and Momo hanging back to make sure there were no more kage bunshin to worry about.

"Kakashi!" Rin yelped, immediately scrambling to her teammate's side.

Minato pulled his pack from his shoulders and, without anyone noticing, vanished again.

Rin paused, just for a moment, in time to hear a strangled gurgling sound from the treetops. Nariko gave a satisfied snort and walked back over to them, confident that Minato had found the threat and rather pointedly _ended_ him.

By the time Minato reappeared after killing the Iwa shinobi, Rin was already patching up Kakashi's wound.

"Kakashi's wound is pretty bad." Minato said as the youkai pair started gathering up as many kunai as they could to replenish their weapon stocks. "For now, we should retreat and set up camp."

"I'm fine!" Kakashi insisted stubbornly.

Obito snapped, "What do you mean, 'fine?' You stupidly went against Sensei's orders and nearly got yourself cut in half!"

"I don't have anything to say to an Uchiha crybaby who sat there and pissed himself the minute the enemy showed up!" Kakashi replied waspishly.

"I had something in my eye!"

"Don't you know the 25th shinobi rule? 'A shinobi must never show his tears.'"

Rin chose that moment to jump in. "Hey, you two should stop this. We're still in enemy territory, one of us is injured, and we don't have time for this!"

"Take it easy now, all of you." Minato said, and though his voice was even, he was scowling. None of them needed to be told that he was disappointed in them. "Kakashi, it's true that rules and regulations are important, but that's not all there is to being a shinobi. I've told you before; there are times when you have to cope with the situation."

Kakashi looked away.

Obito seemed to perk up at this. "Told you!"

"Obito, you too!" Minato barked, instantly cowing the Uchiha. "You're wearing goggles, so there's no way something could have gotten in your eyes. If you don't learn to control your mouth, your mind will become just as weak."

The foxes stared, having never seen Minato enter "teacher mode" before.

"And one more thing… Kakashi, you shouldn't use that jutsu again." He sighed. "It's true you have the destructive power and speed needed for it, but when you're moving that fast, it's nearly impossible to see the enemy's counterattack. And there _will_ be one."

Kakashi's eyes widened. _What, didn't think your sensei could understand an attack like that right off the bat?_ "Therefore, it's an incomplete jutsu."

Having sufficiently lectured his team into submission, Minato concluded, "Before we leave, I'll say it again—the most important thing to a shinobi is _teamwork_." _Which I didn't see a lot of today_, went unspoken.

Team Minato was obviously disappointed in themselves. The fox youkai were uncharacteristically silent.

_Well, today sure was fun._ Minato thought sarcastically. "Move out, Team Minato."


	3. Learning Loyalty

**Learning Loyalty**

* * *

_Everything is an experience. A rather painful learning experience, mostly, but it's one all the same. _

_I'm learning now. Some of those lessons are ones I wish I never had._

* * *

_Still_ in Kusa somewhere:

It was night.

Minato had insisted on taking first watch, while the second had been taken by Nariko, who was determined to actually make herself useful. So, while his students and the pair of fox youkai bedded down in the shadow of the largest rock in the area, Minato sat and waited for his turn to be over.

Why was it that being on night watch always, _always_ sucked?

"Sensei?" Minato blinked, turning back to see Obito climbing up onto the rock with him. Momo had attached herself to his jacket with her teeth, and was murmuring sleepy vulpine protests as Obito moved. Both shinobi ignored it.

Obito stared resolutely at the rock at their feet. "I know teamwork is an important thing, but Kakashi's always calling me a lazy idiot. Even though people think I'm some kind of elite shinobi because I'm an Uchiha, it's not the same to him." Obito sighed and looked up. "I know Kakashi's an amazing person, but…he's kind of an uptight asshole."

Minato agreed that, to some extent, Kakashi needed to lighten up, he also knew why the boy was so determined to follow every rule and regulation he could. And as far as reasons went, it was a very good one. "Kakashi is the son of the genius shinobi Hatake Sakumo, who was feared as Konoha's White Fang. Compared to that name, even the Sannin aren't half as feared or honored. That's public knowledge, right?"

Obito nodded silently, though it was obvious that history had not been his best subject in the Academy and he was drawing a total blank.

"Spending his childhood as the son of such a genius…he might look at you and Rin and see weaklings." Which was only partly true.

"The White Fang…I know I've heard of him before." Understanding suddenly lit up the young Uchiha's face. Momo rolled over in his lap and yawned drowsily, ears perking up. "He was a hero who died protecting the village. Kakashi never brought him up before him before." Willingly, anyway.

Minato sighed. "He was a magnificent shinobi and a wonderful person, who was respected by everyone in the village. Especially by Kakashi." He could feel Obito's eyes boring into him. "Until that mission…"

"What happened?" Obito asked, eyes wide.

"Maybe I shouldn't talk about this so freely, but since you're on a team with Kakashi, I think you should know." Minato turned to his most excitable student, completely serious. "Kakashi's father was disgraced, and committed suicide."

Momo squeaked. "_What_?"

Minato glanced down at the fox and then back to his student. "Five years ago, he was the captain during a top-secret mission to infiltrate enemy territory, and he was forced to make a choice. His team, or the mission." _And what a choice it was…I'm not sure I could have done the same…_ "If he followed the village's rules, he would follow through and leave his friends and comrades to die. But instead, to save them, he abandoned the mission."

"Konoha lost a lot of people, didn't they?" Momo asked quietly.

Minato nodded. "And his comrades in the village blamed him. Eventually, even the ones he saved turned against him. Under the weight of all that hatred…Sakumo-san broke, and he took his own life." Minato pointedly did not mention that Kakashi had been the one who found him.

Both Obito and Momo stared at him with wide eyes.

"After that, Kakashi never talked about his father if he could avoid it, and he started to insist that the rules were the most important thing about being shinobi." Minato felt Obito's pity for Kakashi, even if he didn't say anything. Momo gave a tiny whine. "Both of you…even if it's only a little, please don't hate him for being the way he is. Try to understand him."

Obito and Momo nodded. The fox cub stood and went back over to her sister to finally try and sleep, but Obito sat on top of the rock with his sensei for a very, very long time.

Nariko woke in time and helped Minato get Obito back into his bedding, but the night's damage was already done.

* * *

Kusagakure territory:

After leaving their sensei to his solo mission, Team Minato continued on with their excursion into hostile territory. All three of the Konoha-nin walked on the rivers when there was no bridge to be found, but the youkai, who had no chakra to speak of, walked or leapt among the riverbed stones. Nariko carried her sister most of the time, but they always made sure to stay in formation with Team Minato. Kakashi led them deeper and deeper into the mission, but not without some complaint.

"Something tells me that Iwa is going to get desperate soon." Nariko said as they traveled. "After all, we kinda did just whack one of their scouts."

"Shut up," said Kakashi.

Nariko ignored him and looked around at the grove of bamboo they were walking through. "What is _with_ the plants here? And—ugh! I smell hair gel!"

Obito found himself looking around cautiously. "What are you talking abou—?"

Kakashi stopped, making a sniffing sound. He held up a hand to signal the entire group. They tensed.

Everyone looked up when there was a loud whistling noise from the bamboo canopy, and it looked like the terrain was trying to take its revenge on them via punji sticks.

Obito leapt to the occasion. "Katon: Goukakyuu no jutsu!"

"_Kitsune-bi_!" Nariko and Momo called together.

The sky was engulfed in orange and green flames. The bamboo projectiles exploded into ash less than a meter from Team Minato, falling harmlessly into the water, and Nariko whipped around in place, snarling.

Obito and Kakashi saw her launch herself at empty space behind Rin, only to jerk back as if struck. The fox-woman landed in the river with a tremendous splash, but it was enough. Kakashi saw the water run off their hidden, near-invisible enemy, and charged with kunai in hand.

Nariko, surfacing and snapping like a rabid dog, grabbed the hidden shinobi's ankle and dragged him underwater just before Kakashi got there. The white-haired boy made an abrupt U-turn just as an Iwa shinobi with long sleeves and extremely puffy hair exploded from the rocks. Obito turned as well and launched a fireball at him, to no effect.

Kakashi met the man in midair, slashing wildly as the man struck back with his wrist blades. They bounced off each other once or twice more as Obito went back to trying to defend Rin.

The water below them erupted.

Nariko flew out, slamming into a gigantic bamboo stalk with a kunai jammed between her breasts. She coughed blood once before falling silently to the forest floor. The formerly invisible Iwa-nin—a thick-set, scowling man with a bandanna-style headband—then made himself known by punching Rin square in the gut, knocking her out cold.

"I'll hold on to this one," he said.

Obito saw him grab Rin and saw red.

"RIN!"

But they threw down a smoke bomb, and the remaining members of Team Minato were blinded for just too long to do anything about the escaping Iwa jounin pair.

"Dammit! We have to go after them." Obito said in a tone that brooked no argument.

Kakashi did anyway. He walked over to Nariko's body and said, with his voice utterly flat, "The two of us will continue the mission, Obito."

"Then what about Rin?" Obito demanded.

"Rin comes later." Kakashi said. "The enemy wants to know what we're up to. If we complete the mission quickly, they won't have time to get Rin to give up the information before it's useless to them."

"And where in that does Rin's safety come in?" Obito snapped. "Nariko's already dead. How long until Rin is next? We don't have time to go blow up some damn bridge when our teammate's life is on the line!"

"As a shinobi, one has to accomplish the mission at any cost. That's the rule." Kakashi replied. "And anyway, Nariko's not actually dead."

"…She took a _kunai_ to the _breastbone_. Are you a moron?" Obito said in disbelief.

"No, but you apparently are." Kakashi retorted. "Weren't you listening when she was blathering on and on about youkai abilities? Here, watch." He rolled the fox-woman's body over and pulled the apparently fatal projectile out. Then both boys watched as Nariko coughed again, blinked rapidly, and finally sat up.

"What the hell hit me?" Nariko asked irritably, ignoring Obito's naked amazement.

"An Iwa jounin." Ever blunt, Kakashi was in especially poor form today.

"What with?" She looked down at the stab wound in her chest and groaned. "And where the hell are Rin-chan and Momo-chan?"

"Kidnapped by Iwa-nin, and I have no idea." Kakashi said.

The fox-woman stared vacantly up at both boys for a long moment before a look of horror crossed her face. "…Oh _hell_."

"Yeah," said Obito. He shook himself. "We're going back for Rin, Kakashi."

Their argument resumed as though they hadn't just seen someone make a miraculous recovery from death.

"And what if we do, but Iwa already got the information out of her?" Kakashi asked. "They hold the bridge, the war goes on for years, and more Konoha shinobi die."

"You're only guessing that!" Obito shouted. "Whenever we got hurt, Rin would save us with her medical ninjutsu. If it weren't for her, we'd have dropped dead a long time ago! You're really going to throw Rin's life away, after everything we've all been through together?"

Kakashi hardly paused. "That was her job."

Obito decked him. Kakashi went sailing.

"After everything…I guess I do hate you." Obito said haltingly, though he was clearly enraged.

"I don't care if you do." Kakashi said, in that infuriatingly calm voice. "I'm still captain. You still have to obey my orders." He sat up. "No matter what happens, the decisions are still in my hands. And we're continuing the mission." He didn't seem to notice how many of the Uchiha's buttons he was pressing. "Obito, you haven't got any special talent, which is why I'm capta—"

Obito hauled Kakashi to his feet by his chest straps. "Then why the hell aren't you giving the order to go save Rin?" He yanked so that his and Kakashi's faces were less than twelve centimeters apart. "You're the one with the power for it, right?"

"You can't lose control of your emotions on a mission, or you'll end up regretting it." Kakashi was actually a puppet—that was the only explanation for his sheer coldness. "There's a reason that rule was made. You should understand that by now."

Obito's hands were shaking. He pulled back. "Rin…she gave you that medical pack because she was worried about you. She even sewed a charm into it!"

"Medical packs and medical shinobi are Konoha's way of increasing mission success rates." Kakashi replied, as though he was quoting a textbook. "But like I said yesterday, if you accept unnecessary things, all they are is baggage you should have left at home."

Obito let go of his white-haired teammate, staring at him as though he had never seen Kakashi before. "Useless…?"

Kakashi nodded. "Shinobi must act as tools to complete a mission. Emotions fall under the category of 'useless.'"

"Are you serious?" Obito was giving Kakashi the kind of look that Nariko suspected Orochimaru of the Sannin had gotten from his team before defecting.

Kakashi just stared back.

Obito's expression was agonized. "Is that what you really think?"

This time, Kakashi was unable to meet the Uchiha's eyes. But after a brief moment of indecision, he looked back. "Yeah. That's right."

Obito scowled, one part anger and one part grief. "That's it. You and I have been at odds since the beginning." He turned and started to walk away. "I'm going to save Rin."

"You don't understand anything!" Kakashi shouted after him. "You know what happens to those who break the rules!"

Obito stopped. "I believe that the White Fang was a true hero."

Kakashi was the one left gaping this time.

"It's true that in the shinobi world, those who break the rules and regulations are called trash." Obito admitted softly, still refusing to face his teammate. "But…those who don't care about their friends are worse than trash." He finally looked back over his shoulder at the still-stunned Kakashi. "If I'm that kind of trash, then I'll break the rules! If that's not what a true shinobi is… I'll crush that idea of a shinobi."

Silence reigned.

"Actually, there's one thing neither of you know." Nariko said quietly, yet somehow managing to catch both boys' attention. The wound in her chest was still bleeding, but only sluggishly. She didn't seem bothered by it. "Rin isn't alone."

"What?" Obito's eyes were narrow with suspicion, but something in his expression suggested hope.

"I thought I saw it when I went under…but now I'm sure." Nariko bit her lip. "Rin is being possessed by Momo."

"Is this a youkai thing?" Kakashi asked sharply.

Nariko nodded. "She won't have the fox-shaped shadow like Momo does all the time, but when Rin wakes up, the one in control is going to be Momo."

"That's…that's bad." Kakashi admitted. "Momo isn't a trained _anything_. She won't hold up under interrogation…"

"I know." Nariko said seriously. "And that's why we need to get to Rin before Momo makes her say something that would get everyone we know killed."

"…But we can't abandon the mission." Kakashi concluded.

Nariko and Obito both stared.

"You _did_ not just say that," the fox-woman snapped. "She's barely a kit! And anyway, we can just kill all the damn Iwa-nin there so no one tells anyone anything and _still_ blow up that bridge!"

"You expect us to go up against two Iwa jounin the way we are?" Kakashi argued.

"_Yes_!" Nariko roared.

"No." Kakashi said flatly. "And that's final."

Nariko seemed to freeze in place for a moment. Then she exploded. "_Of all the self-centered, mule-headed, utterly ignorant little brats I had to be stuck with, it had to be __**you**__!_" Panting, she snarled wordlessly and snapped her fingers. Another Nariko, not scowling, appeared next to her in a swirl of leaves. "Take the damn clone for genjutsu or whatever stupid illusions you'll need. I'm going with Obito."

Both black-haired teenagers disappeared. Kakashi went the other way, accompanied by the Nariko clone, in absolute silence.

* * *

Elsewhere:

"It's the Yellow Fla—urk!"

"Run away—ARGH!"

"AIEEEEE!"

Minato-sensei, meanwhile, was pretty much winning the war singlehandedly.

* * *

In a tree somewhere:

Kakashi definitely noticed the way the clone of the fox-woman kept glaring at his back. If she'd actually had the power, he imagined that she would have burned a hole right through him and out the other side.

Not that it was totally unwelcome. For the past five minutes, Obito's words had been echoing in his head, bouncing off unpleasant memories. The image of his father, dead on the floor when Kakashi was six, seemed to burn itself across the inside of his closed eyelids.

"_Your dad was a hero!"_

Kakashi stopped.

"_Those who abandon their teammates are __**worse**__ than trash!"_

"For a kid, he's pretty good at guilt-tripping people," the Nariko clone said, almost quiet enough that Kakashi wouldn't have heard. He didn't, be that was because the Uchiha's words were coming back to the forefront of his mind and repeating themselves.

Kakashi turned back.

The clone Nariko paused, seeing the change come over the white-haired boy. His eyes _burned_.

After a moment in which he _dared_ her to say anything, she smiled and brought a hand to her forehead. There was a _BAMPH_ noise and a lot of smoke, and the clone was gone.

He was already going back, launching himself from branch to branch in the forest.

* * *

A cave:

When the captive medic-nin opened her eyes, she was already under a genjutsu. Though it was supposed to dig into her mind and force her to reveal any secrets she had, it wasn't working.

That was because, rather than Rin looking out of those brown eyes, it was Momo. And as a fox youkai, Momo could see through the best human-conjured illusions as though they weren't there. She hardly felt the effects, which manifested to her as a strange urge to talk about what she'd had for lunch the previous day.

_Momo-chan? _asked a voice in her head.

Momo perked up. _Rin-chan!_

Rin, however, was panicked. _What's going on? How are you doing this?_

_It's a fox trick!_ Momo told her brightly. _Fox youkai like me can possess human women anytime we want. That's where the phrase "fox madness" comes from._

Rin paused before asking, _Where are we?_

_Being held captive, I think._ Momo looked out through Rin's eyes again. _Iwa jounin captured us. When Nariko was fighting the bulky one, I went to you to hide…and, well, here we are._

_Can't you do anything to get us out?_

_I don't think so. I can't use chakra, so I can't use your jutsu._ Momo sighed. _And if I let you go, you wouldn't be able to break the genjutsu._

_Not with my hands tied like this, no._ Rin admitted. _Can you get my hands free?_

_Not unless tall, dark, and ugly stops staring at us. If we moved, he'd notice and we'd be dead._

Rin and Momo shared a mental sigh again. _Well, damn_, said Rin.

_Inarizushi._ Momo said suddenly.

_What?_

_It's what I had for lunch yesterday._

…_That's nice._ Rin said with a groan. _Hey, wait, is the bandanna guy leaving?_

_Looks like it._

_Right, then. Get to it!_

And with that, the captive medic-nin and her fox tenant began to work on the process of rescuing themselves.

* * *

Outside:

Obito was about to be ambushed. He wasn't a particularly good shinobi—like most of his clan without the Sharingan, he was fairly average. He was still a decent chuunin, but he was going up against skilled shinobi who outnumbered him two to one, not counting the captured Rin. Both of them were jounin, and he didn't know what any of them could do.

It didn't help that he had the worst case of nerves a chuunin could possibly have.

Nariko was also less than patient. "Calm down before you give us away, you idiot!" Then she paused, whirled, and lashed out with all of her claw-tipped fingers extended.

The hidden Iwa-nin, having just had his calf slashed open, lost his hold on both his invisibility jutsu and the tree, and leapt back along the branch. "What the hell was—you're dead!"

"No, you are!" Nariko leapt after him.

He didn't get far, because Kakashi came flying out of nowhere and slashed the man from one end of his chest to the other with his chakra saber.

Sure, the Iwa-nin recovered, but he was still bleeding. Not bad for a chuunin, newly-minted jounin, and a fox youkai with barely any actual competence.

"Silver hair, white chakra blade…you can't be the Konoha's White Fang?" The look of horror on the enemy jounin's face was totally worth it.

Kakashi tilted the blade up to catch the light and said quietly, "This is a memento from my father."

The Iwa-nin almost laughed. "So you're the White Fang's brat? Then I have nothing to worry about." He held his hand to his face and promptly disappeared.

Nariko sniffed the air and turned to the other two. "Kakashi, Obito, go on ahead. I'll take this one. You don't have the senses to pick this guy out."

"His scent disappeared." Kakashi pointed out quietly. "Even the blood."

"Only to humans." Nariko replied. "And anyway, I have ears. Get going."

They were about to, but the girl suddenly grabbed both of them by their jackets and flung the boys forward. She turned in time to receive a second kunai to the chest, which punched a hole slightly lower than the first one, but not before her arm snapped out and her fingers were buried up to the second knuckle in the man's shoulder.

Nariko grinned as the man howled in pain, her teeth coated red with her own blood. "Gotcha."

The enemy yanked her hand out of his shoulder and fled. But not all that far. She could still hear him breathing hard.

"Are you all right?" Obito was never going to get used to the sight of the youkai's reckless tactics. Ever.

"Never better." Nariko muttered, pulling the blade out of her chest and tucking it into her obi. "Just a little dizzy." She sat down abruptly (while failing at making it look like she planned to do it) and looked at both of them blearily. "No wounds, right? Wait…why are your eyes red, Uchiha?"

"What…?" Obito stopped, lifting his goggles up so they sat against his forehead. He put a hand against his eyes. "Kakashi?"

The white-haired boy looked like he was about to respond, but Obito whipped around suddenly and there was a ripping sound, then a gurgle.

Obito had imbedded his kunai up to the handle in the Iwa jounin's throat. The man grasped at his wrists, making tiny "ugh" sounds, before falling limp. And, as it turned out, he was rather heavy, and Obito was forced to drop the enemy corpse before it could drag him off the tree.

None of them said anything for a moment, even as the body landed far below with a dull thump.

Obito finally asked, "How many tomoe?"

"Two in each eye." Kakashi replied promptly.

"Really…" Obito gave a nervous sort of laugh. The situation was dampening his excitement. "I've got my Sharingan, huh?" But not by much. He grinned. "Kakashi, Nariko, let's go!"

"Right!"

* * *

A few seconds later:

Entering the cave meant entering the enemy's stronghold, for lack of a better word. They were up against an Iwa jounin who'd probably been in the game longer than Kakashi or Obito had been alive, and who'd probably realized that his teammate was dead. There would probably be traps and perhaps reinforcements, but none of the trespassers cared all that much. Their job was to save Rin and Momo, and they weren't going to turn back now.

Kakashi took the lead, followed by Obito and finally Nariko. Kakashi reacted, Obito hung back and spotted traps, and Nariko stayed in the rear because she was the most likely to survive a stone spike to the back.

The Iwa jounin who faced them was the man Kakashi had fought before, with the wrist-mounted extending blades. He seemed confident, at least for a moment and much in the same way the first Iwa-nin they'd encountered had been. When Kakashi nearly cut him in half this time around, though, he fled.

Or rather, he did once Nariko swiped at him and chased him from the cave.

Obito and Kakashi skidded to a stop at Rin's side. Kakashi's hand landed heavily on her shoulder and he shook her briefly.

The one who looked up at them wasn't Rin, though—just from her expression, the two boys of Team Minato realized that the personality they saw was Momo's.

"Is Rin all right?" Kakashi asked as he skillfully undid the knots tying her arms behind her back.

"She's fine." Momo said in Rin's voice, except that the tone was a little too high to actually be Rin. "The genjutsu didn't work on me, so she could talk to me while I was in control. We were just about to bust out when you got here."

Kakashi gave the fox possessing Rin a weird look. For him, anyway.

"I'll take care of the genjutsu. Can you let go of Rin?" Obito crouched next to them, one hand in front of his face and one on Rin's forehead.

Momo nodded. Rin's body gave a shudder and went limp just as, as though it was only a ghost going through a wall, the fox cub appeared. She separated from Rin like Obito imagined a spirit would, and drifted out from Rin's chest as a tiny orange version of herself.

It was really, _really_ weird. Even when the fox popped back into reality like a good youkai, it was probably going to seem weird forever.

"Okay. _Kai_!" Obito shoved his chakra outward, watching through wide Sharingan eyes as the alien chakra he saw began to shift and twitch over Rin's body. Then, as though blown away by a harsh wind, the odd aura vanished.

Rin looked up. She was smiling. "It worked!"

Kakashi and Obito both smiled back. Momo yipped. "Okay, let's get out of here."

The calm was shattered by a scream. Team Minato looked back over to where Nariko had been distracting the Iwa jounin, only to find the fox-woman pinned to the floor by a massive spur of rock and the enemy heading straight at them.

"Nariko-neechan, no!" Momo yowled and shifted to her fox-girl form in a burst of smoke. Then she threw something small and colorful at the Iwa jounin.

Nariko's body exploded into leaves and smoke. The real one appeared, swearing profusely, from one of the shadowed walls. "What the hell is with Iwa-nin and _stabbing me in the chest_? Are you trying to find out if these are real or something?"

As Rin scooped the fox youkai up into her arms and the boys prepared to meet the charge with kunai and chakra blade, the little fox toy expanded abruptly. It turned out to be a child's toy top, if tops were the size of oxen. The entire spinning contraption smashed the Iwa jounin into the ground, drilling into his back, and Team Minato and their fox companions ran right past him.

The ceiling started to collapse (why, no one knew). The Konoha-nin sped up, though it was becoming obvious that they were going to be flattened long before they'd be able to escape.

The fox-woman brought her hands together in a complete bastardization of a handseal. "_Henge_!" _BAMPH_.

When the smoke cleared, a huge black fox ran in Nariko's place. She was probably the size of a cow, with a huge, green, ropelike collar around her neck. The ends of the rope were tied with bells. Momo was balanced on her back, right in front of the three swishing black tails. The fox's face stretched into a horrid canine sort of grin, where the lips practically pulled back to its ears. Ghostly green light flickered around the tips of her tails.

A rock smashed into Kakashi's head and he dropped senseless to the ground, but Nariko twisted and one of her tails wrapped around his waist. Momo grabbed onto his collar with her tiny hands and, with her sister's help, managed to drag him across her back like a sack of tubers.

When Obito turned, terrified for Kakashi's sake even though the other boy had only been stunned, Nariko snapped at him to keep him from slowing down and Momo pulled him aboard with the string for her top so he could make sure his teammate didn't fall off. Rin was swept up in their wake, hanging onto a tail with two of the others curled around her. And despite the extra weight, Nariko just flattened her ears against her head and leaned into her run.

"I _hate_ Iwa-nin!" Momo screeched, bouncing onto the back of Nariko's head. She was shooting those tiny green fireballs at the rocks, making them fall in different directions or explode in midair. Nariko just grunted.

As they passed the worst of the rocks, still being jolted and jostled on a fox's back and being reminded of why the only animal civilians ever rode had hooves, Kakashi started to stir against Obito's shoulder. This was mostly because his panicking Uchiha teammate was holding onto him with enough force that, later, they'd be able to find his fingerprints on his friend's arm. Still, he didn't really move and wondered why he had a pounding headache instead.

Rin couldn't move close enough to either boy to help, but she was also acting as the fox's spotter. She pulled on the fur of one tail or another to make sure that Nariko dodged any rocks aimed for her head or any of her passengers. The fox darted to and fro according to the medic-nin's instructions, once putting on an extra burst of speed that put them within a few feet of the exit and nearly crushing them under the largest rock yet. Then, as though finding some extra legs somewhere, Nariko bolted out through what was left of the door.

Once outside the cavern and divested of passengers, though, Nariko turned and slammed her shoulder against the rock. As they watched, lightning surged from her body and cracked the stone, causing dozens of boulders to shift and tumble from the ceiling of the dome. She spread her tails out like a fan, crackling blue energy running between them, and the formerly closed cavern gave an almighty _WHOOMPH_ as the dust and dirt finally collapsed inward.

"Thank the gods that's over." Nariko panted once the ground had settled. She gave a flick of her tails and walked over to the Konoha-nin. "Kakashi-chan? Rin-chan? Obito-chan? You're all okay, right?"

Rin gave a brief nod, trying to focus on getting her breathing back under control. The entire fox-ride had mostly been a test of heart health, she thought. Thankfully they'd all passed with flying colors.

"About that…" Momo pointed up.

Absolutely everywhere they looked in the treetops, there were Iwa shinobi. And none of them looked very happy to see a bunch of Konoha-nin wandering around in their territory. In fact, the majority of them looked rather incredibly unhappy. Still, it wasn't like Team Minato looked like much of a threat at the moment.

"We're dead," whimpered Momo.

"Shut up!" Nariko hissed.

"Kunai. Now." Rin said flatly.

Kakashi wordlessly handed Rin his kunai pouch. He kept the funny jounin gift his sensei had left him, though.

"...Do you actually know how to throw that many at once?" Obito asked in an undertone.

Rin gave him a sidelong glare, which he didn't really deserve. She was too tired and angry to care. "No, but I'm not seeing any better options."

"Ready, Team Minato?" Nariko's strange, warbling fox-voice was hard and cold with anger.

Rather than responding, Kakashi threw the wonky kunai right at the leading Iwa-nin.

He was halfway through the hand seals for the Chidori when everything changed.

In a yellow blur, Minato-sensei appeared right behind the flying kunai. He spared his shocked team less than a glance before he landed on a tree, threw a full bracer of his own weirdly-shaped projectiles, and then suddenly he was _everywhere_. Slashing throats, stabbing backs, driving his fist into someone else's jaw, and generally utterly massacring the enemy shinobi before they had a chance to scream.

It was over in seconds.

"…Wow, I feel useless." Nariko mumbled, sitting back on her haunches as Minato finally touched the ground again. "To think that a human could be that fast…"

"That's what they all say." Minato said, striding up to them all and looking very concerned. No one except Momo noticed that his hands were covered in blood—they didn't care much. "Is everyone all right?"

Rin, who had already managed to get Kakashi in an arm-lock to get a good look at the wound he'd gotten earlier, looked up and nodded. "We're all okay, Sensei."

"Neechan got stabbed a bunch of times, though." Momo added, padding over to the rest of the team. "But since we're youkai, that doesn't really mean much."

"Are you kidding?" Nariko gave a frustrated sigh. "I'm just pissed that I got hurt in the first place!" She grumbled some more, but quieter. "Should be stronger than this…"

Minato cheerfully ignored this. "In that case, Team Minato, report!"

They did. It was a bit of a long explanation, and Kakashi and Obito seemed like they were about to fight for a moment or two, but they managed to band together again when they got to the part where they rescued Rin. And Rin insisted that she wouldn't have needed any help anyway if they'd showed up a little later.

"…Well, I think congratulations are in order." Minato said, leading the group away from the battleground. He clapped his hands. "Rin, you did very well. You didn't give up any information even under an interrogation genjutsu. Momo, thank you for helping her." The medic and fox cub glowed at the praise. "Obito, in going to rescue Rin and keep the Iwa-nin from hurting your teammates, you've done your whole village proud." Both Minato and Obito grinned widely. "Kakashi…I never thought I would say this, but you've learned the true meaning of teamwork." Kakashi seemed to stand a little straighter. "And Nariko, thank you for taking one for the team." At this last, there was a bit of laughter, but even the surly fox seemed to cheer up a bit.

Still… "Two," she corrected. "Two for the team."

"Two, then." Minato was in a fairly good mood, all things considered (such as the fact that he'd probably killed nearly a hundred Iwa shinobi just today). "Well, I've finished my mission and I probably would have been heading back to meet up with you if things hadn't gotten so serious. But it's over now, and we can still complete your mission on time if we hurry."

Obito punched the air. "That bridge is going down!"

"Yes, Sensei!" said the rest of his team.

The foxes even gave little yips of agreement.

"All right, then. Team Minato (plus escort), move out!"

And they were off.

* * *

Konohagakure no Sato:

Several days later, Nariko was walking to the Hokage tower, with her sister perched on her shoulder in fox form, when Momo let out a muffled squeak.

Nariko jolted to a stop and murmured, "Momo-chan?"

"Neechan?" Momo asked as though she was still trying to puzzle something out. "On that mission…we wouldn't have been able to get out if Minato-san didn't show up right then."

Nariko nodded slowly.

"That means Minato saved us." Momo went on.

"Yeah?"

"That means we _owe him our lives_. Which means we have to pay him back. _Again_."

There was a pause. Then a shriek to pierce the heavens.

"_FFFFFFUUUU_—!"


	4. Debts Repaid

**Debts Repaid**

* * *

_It's what's called a chain of deals. To settle just one problem, you end up having to trade this person that trinket or do some chore for this nobody, and it often gets out of hand within a few hours. Sometimes that happens when you promise something._

_We always keep our promises. It's kind of a __**thing**__ with us. I just wonder if that's what's gotten us in trouble this time…_

* * *

Western Lands:

The halls of the lord's castle were abuzz with excitement. It wasn't the good kind of energy—that, Sanyu could feel even through seven stories of youki-reinforced stone. It sounded like a war had started in the upper floors, which really wouldn't have surprised him that much. They were all worried over the attack on Hitachi-zan the previous week, and his father was only waiting on the fox youkai before he ordered the armies to march. Once the fox lord managed to gather his entire clan from the strange lands beyond the mountains, it would begin.

Sanyu felt himself moving faster in anticipation.

"Sanyu-sama, please slow down!" squeaked the newest family lackey—much like the others, he was weak little river oni that nonetheless was a constant companion of the youngest son of his lord.

"Sorry, Aoi," his master said in a rush, but he didn't slow down. It really wasn't fair that his legs were so much longer than Aoi's, but he wasn't going to be late to the meeting if his father had that kind of announcement to make.

Aoi, the likewise second-youngest of his own father's brood, was young and inexperienced. He tripped on the rug and fell with an "ouch."

Sanyu spun and went back, nearly tripping over himself in concern as well. Aoi was _his_ servant, just as much as Amaya was his sister and the general was his father. Inu youkai had a particular brand of mental hang-up about subordinates and responsibility, and Sanyu was no exception. Treating a servant as disposable? Unforgivable.

Well, unless it was his father doing it. But that was mostly because both parties considered it a kind of running joke.

"My apologies, Sanyu-sama. I'm so very clumsy!" Aoi wailed as he tried to pick himself up. He still wasn't going to be able to keep up, not even if he ran.

The little youkai squeaked in surprise as Sanyu walked right up to him and knelt. Cutting off the string of apologies, Sanyu picked up the tiny youkai and decided that dignity didn't matter so much if he was going to be late anyway.

"S-Sanyu-sama, I must protest this treatment!" Aoi yelped, balanced in the crook of Sanyu's left arm as the young inu youkai started speeding up. "If the other lords see you like this—!"

"Then they'll have to take it up with me when we get back to sparring, won't they?" Sanyu countered. The hallway began to blur as Sanyu started to allow his youki to bleed into his movement. It was usually a waste of energy, but not now. "I'll punch the first one who makes fun of you for being small, Aoi."

"That isn't necessary," Aoi protested as they sped around a corner, nearly knocking over a cat youkai who was lounging around in the halls. "Oh, if the general could see you—" _He'd murder us_, went unspoken, but Sanyu had learned to read Aoi's voice over the previous thirty years, and he knew bottomless dread when he heard it.

"Never mind that!" Sanyu said, skidding to a rather undignified stop at the rear of a massive crowd that had formed in front of the meeting room doors. The youkai didn't really look at him, not even after he pushed his way through a group of bat youkai by punting one of them at the ceiling.

They were too busy cowering at the naked, hostile youki surging from the meeting room in deadly waves. A few of the smaller boars had already fainted.

"Otou-sama is angry." Sanyu murmured under his breath, ushering Aoi onto his shoulder so the little youkai could cling to his hair. If Aoi got lost in _this_ crowd, all reeking of fear, Sanyu would never be able to find him again. He'd be lucky if he'd even find the blood once the mob panicked.

Sanyu continued his task of forcing his way to the door, scattering small parties of youkai as he went. Some cats hissed at him, but a sidelong glare from him sent them scurrying once they realized who had just passed them by. The boars, snakes, and horses flat-out ignored him, though he could nearly taste their fear.

He managed to pull out of the crowd and found himself in the bare space of the upper landing, where only two other youkai were waiting. With Aoi still shivering under the weight of all the terrible youki, Sanyu went over to greet them.

Amaya was his younger sister, and, as was common for their family, nearly identical in appearance aside from gender. She had the family's blue crescent moon marking on her forehead and red eyelid marks. Only the symbols on the sides of her face were different—where Sanyu had a pair of jagged purple lines that ran across his cheekbones, Amaya had three tiny red marks on each side of her face. Her hair was just as long as his and a brilliant silver-white and their eyes were a vivid gold.

Umeko, though, was a fox youkai. She was the daughter of one of their father's vassals—the fox lord himself—but despite her sister and brother's looks, she took after her father most. Her red hair was tied in twin ponytails that sat high on her head and ran most of the way down her back. She had no facial markings—none of her clan did—and her hair was nearly blood red and tied around her neck in a pair of flower knots. Her eyes were brown-gold rather than true gold, but then, she was only a fox. Her white-tipped tail was visible, as were her red fox feet, but that was only a formality to allow other youkai to identify her at a glance. Full youkai could always assume a fully humanoid form.

"Amaya-imoutochan, Umeko-chan." Sanyu greeted each with a nod of his head. They both bowed.

He glanced at the barred doors that still stood in his way of the meeting. Only the noble families were allowed in even at the best of times, and there were usually servants nearby to coordinate messages, but that didn't explain the crowd below.

"Otou-sama is inside." Amaya said quietly. She was also looking out at the youkai gathered below, though she seemed slightly apprehensive about them whereas Sanyu couldn't be bothered to care.

Umeko was being strangely attentive. She looked even more worried than Amaya. That couldn't be good. "I think all of our parents are in there. Everyone in the extended family, too."

Sanyu blinked. His uncle barely even thought about youkai politics. He didn't have much of a reason to, since he lived more than a month's travel from the castle. And his aunt? She usually ignored everything that wasn't a direct threat to her or the ones she cared about. "Was the attack worse than we thought?" he asked.

"Yes." Amaya murmured. "Hitachi-zan was leveled. Only two people escaped to tell us."

It felt like he'd taken one of his father's punches to the stomach. Sanyu couldn't breathe for a long moment. "That means that…everyone is dead? Setsuna, Akiko, Taisuke, Ryomaru? _Everyone_?"

Amaya nodded, staring resolutely at the floor.

Sanyu was torn between wanting to maul something and howling in grief and rage. All those names had belonged to kind people—humans and youkai who had once spent their youth at the castle to learn the tricks of youkai-slaying before they were allowed to rejoin the taijiya villages and spread the knowledge. Sanyu even remembered a particular young man—Inukai Yukio by birth, Yuurei by title—he had once taught how to use a youkai-fang katana. He remembered long hours spent patiently pointing out the flaws in a wild teenager's technique so he could become a master. He remembered seeing the young man walk away as a full-fledged taijiya.

And they were all dead.

Sanyu wanted a target.

"Carrion-eaters." Umeko said without being prompted. "Once Haruki gets the strays back, we're going after them. And we're going to get every last one of them this time."

Sanyu wasn't really sure what he could say. Aoi was also silent. Neither of them had ever really been to war—the last one had been between his father and uncle and the cat youkai from the eastern border, back when he was still a nursing pup. Aoi hadn't even been born yet.

Umeko, though? She had. She had seen the battlefields, smelled the stink of the rotting dead, and even killed a few weak youkai with her tricks. She didn't look worried about the idea of fighting—hell, she even looked eager. But the youki pouring from the meeting chamber was making them all edgy.

"It's already decided," he muttered, glancing at the two females. "What are they arguing about in there? What has Father so angry?"

"Uncle's in there." Amaya said, as though it explained everything.

On second thought, it kind of did.

"Okay, never mind that…" Sanyu glanced at the fox again. "Is Souten-sama around?"

Umeko winced and looked away. "Mother is missing."

Sanyu swallowed hard. There weren't many enemies who could have taken a fully grown raiju down. Even fewer of them were among the carrion-eaters. This was going to get uglier still.

"We aren't doing anything useful here." Sanyu finally said, glaring down at the crowd of terrified youkai below. He sighed when they actually flinched under his gaze. Still, there wasn't time to worry about that. He turned back to the females with Aoi still perched precariously on his shoulder. "Where are the Hitachi-zan survivors?"

* * *

Konohagakure no Sato:

Normally, fox youkai in a human village—even a shinobi one—would have been a cause for concern. At least, it might have been, if it wasn't for the fact that they'd been infesting the village for months by then. So far, no one had been able to get rid of them. Nariko and Momo were generally benign—they'd have to be, given that they spent most of their time with Team Minato, Kushina, and the Hokage—but as time went on they became more and more anxious. Neither fox youkai told their shinobi friends why, though.

And then, one day, the pranks stopped. They found out why about two days later.

It was because of this, after returning from another mission with the fox youkai sisters, that Team Minato met Haruki for the first time.

The mission itself had been fairly easy—with the war with Iwa and Kumo winding down, they'd actually been sent on a B-rank to guard some politician while he and his caravan traveled to the capital to speak with the daimyo. There hadn't been any real opposition aside from a few low-level enemy shinobi and a band of bandits that didn't exist anymore, and Nariko had managed to avoid being stabbed this time by staying out of everyone's way. Nonetheless, the politician (whatever his name was) had irritated the entire team to some extent, and they were glad to be home.

It was a bit of a surprise to find the chuunin guards at the main gate actually out of their seats for once, yelling at a boy with gray hair who was doing a lot of flailing.

Nariko stopped dead in the street and yelped, "Haruki?"

He whirled on the spot, apparently in response to his name, looked right at her, and actually flinched. "Hiya, Nariko…"

"Haruki, what are you _doing_ here?" Nariko walked right up to him, leaving Momo behind to bounce to Rin's shoulder instead. She even shoved the pair of chuunin out of the way without any effort (which happened to confirm Obito's theory that she was only a good fighter when it was funny) to get to him. And when she got there, she grabbed him by his collar and yanked downward so they were eye-to-eye. "Spill it, little brother."

"Well, _she's_ in a bad mood." Obito commented as the strange boy flailed, trying to escape his sister's grasp.

"Actually, that's just how everyone treats Haruki." Momo remarked from the safety of Rin's shoulder. "And besides, whenever he shows up, it's because something bad is about to happen."

"What the hell did you pop up for?" Nariko was shaking him by his collar.

"O-Otousan is calling us back home!" Haruki had finally managed to squirm free, and that was mostly because Minato had teleported over to the pair and finally pried them apart.

"_What_?"

Haruki rubbed his throat. "It's the scavengers. They-they attacked one of the taijiya villages."

Nariko froze, gaping at him. The others, meanwhile, had no idea what had caused the sudden change. Well, if there were youkai beyond the mountains, it would make sense that someone killed them for a living. But why would a pair of fox youkai care about that? It didn't make any sense.

"Nariko-san, what's wrong?" Rin asked, ever polite.

Haruki, meanwhile, had decided to hide behind Minato in case Nariko exploded. Nariko was still soundlessly opening and closing her mouth like a fish.

Kakashi gave in to temptation first. "Could someone explain what is going on, exactly?"

At this, everyone besides Nariko and Haruki looked at Momo. Minato walked over (still being used as a human shield by Haruki) and picked Momo up. The little fox gave him an apprehensive look. She'd never quite gotten over her initial meeting with him, even though it looked like the jounin was being perfectly friendly to everyone else.

"Uh…" said the fox cub. "It's a call to war."

"Youkai have wars?" Obito asked, before Kakashi smacked him upside the head. "Ow!"

"_Everyone_ has wars." Kakashi said flatly. He was less hostile and stuck-up than he had been before that mission to Kusa, but he never hesitated to point out Obito's stupidity. He just usually didn't insult the boy personally anymore. Or threaten to kick him off the team. "Think before you talk."

"I do!" Obito shouted.

Minato put Momo on his shoulder and, both hands free, brought them down on his students' heads. "Boys, not now. Momo-chan, could you please explain?"

Momo did. There were a lot of pauses, but eventually Minato managed to get most of it sorted out. Apparently, the inu youkai lord was also the general, and he was extremely vicious toward anyone or anything stupid enough to attack his vassals. One of his protected human villages had been attacked and half of the humans were killed. And that was why he was gathering all of his forces to waltz over to the carrion-eater's main breeding sites and exterminate them.

It apparently had something to do with loyalty and clan obligation because the general's brother had been friends with the village's founders and their descendants were still there, but there was also something about a vassal and a death sentence and a trip to Hell in there somewhere. And a spider youkai, but Momo had rambled on before anyone could finish.

And then there was the fact that the fox youkai lord had apparently been almost raised by the general's brother and everything was pretty much running around in circles by the time she finished.

There was something about the entire situation that struck the shinobi as ridiculous, but Minato wasn't sure what.

"I see," said Minato. He actually didn't, but that was okay. Expecting a cub to explain that much probably hadn't been a good idea.

"That's the gist of it, anyway." Momo said, pausing for breath. "And because fox youkai aren't really fighters, we're mostly going to be filling holes in the flanks and escorting the humans away from the worst of the fighting. The general mostly wants us to find out if any of the carrion-eaters try to sneak out."

Obito looked like his head was spinning. Kakashi and Rin looked nearly as confused, but they hid it better.

It was then that Nariko finally spoke up, strangely quiet. "Haruki, who died?"

Haruki crept out from behind Minato, still nervous. The chuunin guards had long since given up and let the Yellow Flash and his team figure out what to do, but that meant that the jumpy fox youkai still had to face his sister.

"Nearly everyone in Hitachi-zan was eaten. Two people got away." Haruki said quietly. He stared directly at the ground, biting his lip. "We can't just stand back anymore."

"I know." Nariko whispered. Her face was a mask of agony, tears forming at the corners of her angled eyes. "How soon does he need us back?"

"Three days is the limit. Then we move out."

Nariko took a deep, shuddering breath. "I…" She stopped and turned to face Minato, swiping at her eyes with her sleeve to dash away the tears. "Sorry, Minato-sama."

She had only started using the honorific as a way to show that she respected his wife for her cooking skills (as always, with inarizushi), with him tacked on as an afterthought. But now, she really meant it. She cared about what he thought of her.

Or maybe it was just a way of stripping away the façade that had covered what had already been there.

"When will you be back?" Obito asked. The fox-woman looked pretty torn up about the news—she must have lost friends there. Family, maybe. And that was something that any shinobi could understand. Fox youkai apparently weren't that different from humans when it came to grief.

Haruki glanced at the shinobi, then at his sisters. But he didn't seem quite as scared now that his sister didn't seem to plan on throttling him to death. His voice was still quiet. "It shouldn't take us more than a month to kill them. Once that's done, Nariko and Momo-chan can come back any time they want."

"Assuming we survive long enough." Nariko put in cynically. She shook her head as if to clear the negative thoughts away, though it probably didn't work. "This isn't going to get any better if we wait any longer. Momo-chan, let's go. We need to pay those bastards back."

Minato set Momo down on the ground and the fox cub padded over to her older siblings, clearly unhappy with the entire situation. "Okay, big sis."

"Later, Team Minato." Nariko said as they turned to leave. "It's been fun."

As Momo hitched a ride in Haruki's jacket, Obito managed to catch Nariko's sleeve as she crouched to spring up at the trees. She stopped and looked back at him over her shoulder.

There were a lot of things that could have been said. They'd known the foxes for months—it was a little hard to imagine a normal sort of life after that much insanity. Granted, shinobi were never normal, but being with the youkai hadn't been that bad.

"Come back alive, you dumb fox." Obito said after a long pause, unknowingly echoing his team's sentiments. The next part was said with a bit of a grin, though not one bright enough to match Maito Gai's. "You still owe me for that stupid water balloon trick."

Nariko blinked, as though she didn't have the slightest clue what he was talking about, but then she gave him a ghost of a smile.

The next moment, she was already gone.

* * *

Borderlands:

Understanding the reasons for war was the first step toward world peace. That was the kind of thing people said.

For youkai, it was just another angle for starting one.

Youkai fought. They had always fought. The weak ones fought each other for scraps and the land itself for space, while the strong ones fought and killed the weak as regularly as clockwork. Carrion-eaters were the lowest of the low, only feeding on the remains of another youkai's kills, but they bred exponentially and could replace their losses within a week.

But when the weak banded together, they could become strong. And that strength was dangerous.

Someone named Akihito—probably a human—had been on the brink of death in the carrion-eaters' territory. In desperation, he had struck a deal with the thousands of weak youkai who had appeared to devour his corpse. And the youkai, knowing about strength in numbers, had agreed. They devoured his body and soul and fused with both, and the resulting composite being had begun to lead what he called a revolution.

The stronger youkai had heard, remembered, and immediately set out to slaughter his entire horde.

As always, the inu youkai led the charge—the general, his brother, and his children dove into the fray and began to hack their way through hundreds of the enemy at a time. Fox and snake youkai made up the rear guard, mostly because neither type tended toward open displays of power. Boars, horses, and other bulky youkai clans contributed foot soldiers.

Ryuunosuke and Tatsuhiro, the general's oldest sons, led the attack in the south. The general's brother, his sister-in-law, his oldest daughter, and the entire cat youkai clan attacked from the north. The fox lord followed the general himself directly into the heart of the infection, both followed by the ranks of the wolves and bats.

And as the fighting raged, Nariko and Haruki stayed back to tend the wounded and finish off the enemy that slipped through the front lines. Umeko was stationed even further from the main fighting because her healing herbs were in such high demand. And, as the vanguard, there was a small band of dog, fox, and wolf youkai guarding the general's wife.

Eventually, fighters began to make their way back to the medical stations. Sanyu was among the first, having been stabbed through the stomach by Akihito himself. They had only let him go after his aunt had gone over him with her reiki abilities to make sure he wasn't carrying any unpleasant surprises in the wound, which had apparently been one of Naraku's favorite tactics. Otherwise he would have arrived sooner and been slightly less dizzy.

He collapsed into a cot and, while Umeko fussed around with the medicinal herbs, muttered, "If Matsumoto uses this as an excuse to start a coup, I'm going to kill him myself."

"You call losing first place in the practice rankings a _coup_?" Nariko remarked acidly, having arrived earlier with the unconscious Aoi. "Get a life."

"He's an asshole!" Sanyu protested, and Aoi would have cried to see his master behaving like a human brat. "I'm not going to lose to him because of this!"

Everyone inside the shielding illusion heard him yelp when Umeko began wrapping the wound with a length of linen bandage. Nariko and her nearest neighbor, a cat youkai named Koto, were trying to figure out if it was safe to roll their eyes at him or not.

"Go easy on him, Nari-chan." Umeko said, flagging down a nearby bull youkai to hold Sanyu down. The dog's last thrash had nearly decapitated her. "It's his first time."

"Never," said Nariko. She smirked. "Anyway, how are we doing up there?"

"Get off of me, you—!" Sanyu started to snap, but Umeko stuffed a cloth gag into his mouth. Sure, he could kill them all if he was really trying, but everyone knew he wouldn't. Otherwise his own father would probably punch him halfway across the continent.

"Pretty well, else they wouldn't have bothered sending him back," said Koto. "When things get bad, you know the general would order everyone to fight to the death."

"Yeah." Umeko was working around the bull youkai's arms, dismantling Sanyu's armor with hardly any effort. "Nari-chan, help me with this illusion—I know I can't heal Sanyu-sama here any faster than he would normally, but I think being pain-free might back him less of a sissy."

"Sure," said Nariko, bringing her hands together as she began to draw her youki to the surface. "Stay still, Sanyu-sama. This won't hurt a bit."

"Actually, do our painkilling illusions even work on inu youkai?" Umeko wondered aloud as her own youki flared.

Nariko shrugged. "Well, we're about to find out."

"Damn you both!" Apparently, Sanyu had figured out a way to bite through a gag. Fancy that.

* * *

Konohagakure no Sato:

Life went on.

Well, more or less. It just wouldn't be normal if the infamous Uzumaki Kushina wasn't turning the village upside-down with pranks. Granted, she'd laid off for a bit while the foxes were being their most annoying, but now she was back. Brushing glitter out of her hair from her latest trick, she grinned to herself. Oh, sure, Minato probably wouldn't approve of her glitter-bombing the Uchiha clan, but she'd had Obito's explicit approval for the entire fiasco, so in her mind it was completely okay.

Kushina glanced up at the sky. Speaking of Minato's team, they were probably finished training for the day. She had to get home and start cooking dinner, or else Konoha's Yellow Flash would latch into her leg like a baby and beg for food.

Or something like that. Kushina usually didn't see those kinds of extreme reactions out of Minato, but there were always exceptions. And they were always funny.

She grinned and made an abrupt detour to the market.

About half an hour later, she was walking home with both arms full of vegetables, meat, and noodles. Sure, it would have been okay for her to hire a genin team to carry her things for her all day, but it would have been a little mean to force the brats to do it when the sun was already dipping below the horizon. Besides, Kushina had always prided herself on being independent and therefore awesome. Or possibly the other way around.

She was about three-fourths of the way home when she spotted someone familiar. "Kakashi-kun!"

"Yes, Kushina-san?"

She hadn't known Sakumo that well. She hardly knew Kakashi any better, really. To her, he was Minato's student, little brother, and possibly foster son all in one. That was enough for her. "Where are you going?"

Kakashi's face (what she could see of it, anyway) was blank. "Home?"

Kushina knew that Kakashi lived alone, mostly because he insisted. His apartment was in broadly the same area as most of the other orphans who'd outgrown the community center. She'd never actually been there, but she guessed that it was probably tiny enough that even someone as small as Kakashi was probably a bit cramped.

Well, now she had a plan. He was going to come home with her, whether he liked it or not. "Kakashi-kun, would you mind helping me carry these bags home?"

She could see the momentary indecision in his expression—he wanted to go back to that tiny apartment, shower, and probably collapse in bed for a week. That was how it always was after Minato's practices now. Since Kusa, he'd been driving his team mostly insane with it, but they _had_ been getting stronger.

But no one had ever resisted the temptation of Kushina's cooking, and Kakashi wasn't about to be the exception.

"Okay."

"Great!" And Kushina promptly dumped the bag of vegetables in his arms. That felt better. And now that she wasn't working so hard to compensate for the weight, Kushina immediately took to the rooftops. It was faster, cooler, and more fun. "Keep up, Kakashi-kun!"

Kakashi's eyes flashed. He made sure to tie the bag shut with a length of dull shinobi-grade steel wire—forethought was always a sign of a genius, after all—before taking off after her. Kushina grinned widely and gave a whoop of excitement at how quickly her challenge had been taken up.

He was getting better. Sure, he'd never be able to beat her in endurance and it was a bit cruel of her to let him think he could, but as long as he was showing _life_ like this, she was happy.

They stopped once or twice—Kushina had decided to draft Rin and Obito to help her prepare dinner while Minato was in a meeting with the Hokage. Granted, she didn't really need the help and Obito was hopeless around the kitchen, but it was really all an excuse to get everyone together in a context that didn't involve throttling each other. Kushina liked plotting for that kind of thing.

Five minutes later, with Team Minato weighed down by three heavy bags of ingredients and Kushina remarkably unburdened, they arrived at the house. The redhead unceremoniously shoved them all inside.

She set Rin to work dicing onions while Obito was supposed to be finding out where the hell the noodles had escaped to. Kakashi stood in the dining room, where Kushina had banished him upon discovering that he hadn't ever had salt ramen that wasn't instant and he lived off of shinobi field rations. Kushina had actually said, "You poor, deprived child! We need to fix this, now!" before tossing him from the kitchen.

That meant that the genius was reduced to sitting by the table, looking slightly confused about the entire process. Kushina had given him something with eggplant in it to "tide him over," which he found he liked. He also liked not having to work when his bones felt like jelly, but his teammates probably wouldn't appreciate that comment.

"We're making what again, Kushina-neechan?" Obito asked before a bottle of soy sauce was thrown at him.

"Salt ramen." Kushina replied, adding something mysterious to a massive pot of water on the stove. "I like it, Minato likes it, and you're going to."

"Of course I like ramen!" Obito said, looking horrified at the implication that he didn't. "Otherwise I would've run away after the first week on Sensei's team. We go to Ichiraku's _all the time_."

"Well, don't tell anyone this, but…" Kushina looked around conspiratorially. Rin and Obito unconsciously moved in closer to hear the secret. "I'm better at salt ramen than Ichiraku-jiichan. _His_ thing is miso."

"No way!" Obito exclaimed. "Really?"

"Really." Kushina ruffled his hair. "It's my favorite, so of course I'm the best at it!"

"Awesome!"

Rin, meanwhile, had joined Kakashi in the dining room to get away from the pair's obsessive ramen moment. Besides, Kushina was probably going to toss Obito out of the kitchen eventually, given that he had about as much talent with cooking as a fish would.

She still found it fascinating to watch Kakashi eat—she'd never figured out he could do without _someone_ seeing his face while they were, say, eating at a restaurant. Well, sure, he'd sort of given up on stopping his team from knowing (mostly because Obito had bugged him for three full weeks about it), but he still wore the mask all the time in public. It was still odd.

"Do you just wear the mask because of the mystery?" Rin asked.

Kakashi glanced at her, deftly snagged another eggplant with his chopsticks and stuffing it in his mouth. He ate like a shinobi—very, very quickly, with his chopsticks held mostly to the side so no one would be able to shove them down his throat. He swallowed. "No?"

"Then why?" Rin asked.

The kitchen went strangely quiet. Kushina and Obito were paying attention.

With the entire house staring at him expectantly, Kakashi took refuge in childishness for the first time in years. "Because."

"Because why?" Obito joined in. Of course he would.

"Because I want to," was the waspish response.

Kushina chose that moment to burst out laughing, doubling over with the force of it. Team Minato practically swiveled on the spot to stare at her.

Minato walked in with a loud, "I'm home!" Then he stopped, looking from his team (who weren't supposed to be in his house) to the still-cackling Kushina, who was gripping the ladle so hard it was bending. "What the hell?"

Kushina, still laughing like a madwoman, shoved Minato into the dining room and went right back to the kitchen.

"It wasn't _that_ funny…" Obito muttered.

Dinner was served without much incident. Minato, as usual, was in heaven solely because it was Kushina's cooking and therefore the best thing in the world. Obito was happy because it was ramen. Kakashi was content because Kushina had given him yet more eggplant on top of his serving of salt ramen. Rin was happy because her teammates were actually getting along.

Kushina, of course, managed to eat the most. It wasn't like Ichiraku's, where they'd see fifteen bowls stacked up next to her, but it was very easy to tell that she refilled her single bowl a _lot_.

About an hour later, Obito collapsed on the edge of the table. "That. Was. _Amazing_."

"I don't want to move…" Rin groaned from the floor. "I swear I gained a kilogram from that last bowl alone…"

"You only ate one!"

Kakashi, meanwhile, was completely out. Apparently three bowls of eggplant-topped salt ramen, a long day of training with Minato, and trying to keep up with Kushina's excited personality had combined forces and left him exhausted. The red-haired chuunin had promptly dropped him on the couch under three different blankets to sleep it off and no more was said of it.

"Minato, if I don't get to skip on the dishes, neither do you!" Kushina informed her fiancé seriously.

"But Kushina—!"

"_Work_, Minato!"

"It's like they're married already." Rin said.

Obito snickered. Then he glanced at Kakashi and his eyes lit up with mischief. "Hey, Rin-chan, got a camera?"

Rin caught on quickly. "Obito, you shouldn't!"

"I need _something_ to hold over his head." Obito said reasonably.

"He's going to kill you when he wakes up."

"It's not like he doesn't try it all the time anyway."

"That's training!"

"Oh, come on! And he doesn't need to know, either."

"Obito…" Rin sounded like she was about to strangle him.

_Click_. Minato grinned down at them with a camera in hand. Rin and Obito stared back, both leaning over the still-sleeping Kakashi. "What, can't a sensei take a picture of his cute little students bonding?"

Rin and Obito exchanged looks. It seemed like they wouldn't be able to fight over the right to gather blackmail material after all.

When Kushina came out of the kitchen to see what all the fuss was about, she found her fiancé being whacked over the head by his two conscious students, who were wielding pillows and, for once, getting the better of Konoha's Yellow Flash.

Kushina shrugged to herself and joined in.

Kakashi slept through it all, dead to the world for once in his life.


	5. Teaching Kindness

**Teaching Kindness**

* * *

_People like to say things like "I'll never go back on my word" and "That's a promise." I wonder if they really know what it means, but only sometimes. I've seen some pretty amazing feats pulled off by someone who thought like that. People usually don't. They say things, but meaning them is apparently too much to ask._

_I wonder what makes Konoha so different._

* * *

Nami no Kuni:

Not long after the kitsune finally all left, Minato was told that he had been chosen to become the Yondaime Hokage. It had been a fairly subtle affair in the village's eyes—in fact, most of them didn't even know that he was in the running. As far as Minato was concerned, the entire thing had basically happened in about a minute; one moment, he was being called to the Hokage's office, and the next, he was apparently going to succeed Sarutobi.

Life was funny that way.

But despite the announcement, Minato was supposed to remain on active duty until the public announcement was made. He didn't actually mind, though he was sure Kushina was getting annoyed at the amount of time they had to spend apart.

And his team? Since the mission in Kusa, they'd gradually come together. Kakashi and Obito almost never sniped at one another anymore, Rin wasn't stressed by trying to keep the peace and keeping them each in one piece, and Kushina had even joined in on the fun. More accurately, she'd taken one look at Kakashi and decided that he wasn't eating enough and…well, now the heir of Hatake clan was living with them.

And since Kakashi was spending more and more time around Minato and Kushina, Rin and Obito followed. There were times when Minato, just getting in from a solo A-ranked mission and bound solely for bed, would turn on the lights to find that his team of former genin had stolen his bed. He usually spent the night on the couch when that happened.

Oddly enough, the Uchiha clan didn't really seem to mind that Obito had basically latched onto his team like a limpet. But then, he'd always been a bit of black sheep, and not just because he hadn't activated his Sharingan until he was thirteen. Even though the boy was probably going to be nominated for promotion to jounin soon, nobody on Team Minato had bothered to tell the clan that their former pariah did have the Sharingan. It was really more of a self-preservation measure than anything—if they did find out, Obito would be lucky to ever have a life outside the clan again.

But once the boy made jounin…well, he'd be able to look after himself. And by then, Minato would be Hokage, which would probably put a damper on the clan's ambitions.

Not that Minato was suspicious of the Uchihas or anything.

Speaking of time, they were also on a bit of a schedule. Unlike the last escort mission, this one had devolved into a bit of a brawl over who got to kill who, and the client wasn't being very helpful. In fact, he'd turned out to be a spy, out to kill the Yellow Flash.

Oh well. Technically, anyone could request a mission from the village. It was just to Minato's misfortune that this one had gotten through.

And anyway, fifteen applications of Hiraishin left his team standing in the middle of a field of corpses. There had been a round of shrugs and twenty-two burials, and then Team Minato was heading home.

Obito scratched the back of his head. He'd gotten two kills. "Well, _that_ didn't go the way we thought it would."

"Sensei, try not to antagonize the other villages so much next time," added Kakashi, though everyone could tell it was a joke, if a bad one. Obito was rubbing off on him _very_ gradually.

"It's not like I'm _trying_ to make anyone mad." Minato protested halfheartedly. "It just happens."

"_Riiight_," said Obito.

Rin just looked at the boys, all of whom had been drenched in blood, and sighed in a very put-upon sort of way. If there was ever a way to make the little heady rush of a crush go _pop_, it was seeing the boy covered in gunk that used to belong to someone else. She wasn't sure she'd be able to stand being around Kakashi if he looked like a walking blood monster and didn't care about it.

They were about halfway home and staying in a little coastal town when _things_ started happening.

Oh, it was the usual at first. People disappearing (which always set a shinobi's teeth on edge, particularly if they were Konoha-nin who knew about Orochimaru), weird lights in the sky at night, and maybe a few unexplained noises. After interrogating Obito to be sure it wasn't him, Team Minato set out on a new mission: solve the mystery of the tiny fishing village with a name no one could actually remember.

It just so happened that the first of them to run into one of these unusual events was Obito.

Again.

And this time, it was because a big blue-green ball of fox fire floated right across the roof in front of him when he was on lookout. Obito blinked, moved his goggles up to rub his eyes, and then was just left to sigh.

He went back down to his hotel room about five minutes later when his shift ended, where Kakashi was the only one awake. Obito didn't ask why—since the mission that had brought them together as an actual _team_, Kakashi had developed a sort of paranoia about knowing that his friends were safe. Given that they were all he had (and, let's face it, danger-prone by nature), Obito couldn't really be surprised by it.

"It's kitsune again," was all he said. Kakashi just nodded and pointed his teammate back toward his futon. Aside from the weird lights, the night passed in relative peace.

The next day did not.

Apparently, in the time between whenever Obito had gone to sleep and when the entire team dragged Minato downstairs for breakfast, the foxes had gotten quite a bit bolder. The inn was a mess. Paint paw-prints were everywhere, even the ceiling. The eggs had been replaced with some odd little chalk bombs that exploded when cracked open. Two entire sets of bedding from an empty room had come to life and were chasing the owner and his wife around the grounds. An umbrella was strangling a rather surprised guest.

Team Minato saw this, stopped, thought, and decided to get to work.

"Obito, try tracking down the kitsune causing all this." Minato said as he kicked the killer umbrella away from its victim. A moment later and the oiled-paper ghoul was on fire, courtesy of Kakashi.

"Right!" Obito blinked, activating his Sharingan, and was nearly blinded by the swirl of the not-chakra in the air. Every single one of the objects had its own damn aura! And none of it even looked like normal chakra—it was _purple_, of all colors. Some of them even had green. The next thing he knew, he'd have already copied their stupid little movements and he'd never be able to get them out of his head.

To make things worse, he only had to watch one of the green-glowing lanterns smack into a wall and see a swarm of flying straw sandals attack a woman in a blue kimono to realize that yes, they had a problem.

The problem was a gang of tsukumogami—living artifacts. Apparently the town was older than they thought, or at least some of the heirlooms were. And for some reason, every last one of the damn things was angry.

"It's not a kitsune!" Obito shouted, ducking a sake jar that aimed itself at his head.

"Then what's causing this?" Rin yelped and cut a floating kimono in half with her chakra scalpels.

Obito slammed a kunai into the face of a clock that was trying to sneak up on Kakashi, his head still aching from watching the weird objects fly around. He deactivated his Sharingan to save his sanity more than anything.

"They're alive," Kakashi said in shock, sidestepping an attack by a shamisen. It broke itself against a wall.

The day just kept getting better. Someone's katana flew in through an open window and would have punched through Minato's lungs if he hadn't used Kawarimi. Obito and Kakashi pushed a dresser onto it.

For his part, Minato almost seemed amused. "It's not every day you almost get killed by a living sword."

His entire team groaned. Sometimes it seemed like their sensei could take _everything_ in stride.

There was a whistling sound from outside. Then, a shout of, "_Natsu-san_!"

"Does he sound kind of familiar to you?" Obito asked no one in particular.

"Yes," said Kakashi, just as the voice said, "Baa-chan, I can't smell her. She's gone."

Another voice, that of a young woman (which didn't make any sense; he'd called her baa-chan!), said, "But we know she was the one who broke the cargo hold open."

"Right. Guess we just have to keep looking."

The shinobi managed to escape the inn at this point, hounded all the way by the swarm of sandals that had been chasing the guests around, and ran into the street. An umbrella was still determinedly trying to whack Minato over the head when they reached the mysterious speakers from before.

Even though most of the town was still running around in a panic, these two were strangely calm. One was a black-haired, dark-eyed woman wearing a white haori and red hakama, just like Obito imagined a miko to look. Well, if one counted the bow and quiver on her back. She was staring at the shinobi as though it was the first time she had ever seen anything like them. It was actually kind of funny.

The other one was Haruki.

"Well, that solves the mystery of who the kitsune was," muttered Kakashi.

The woman blinked. "Do you live around here?"

"No, just visiting." Minato said cheerfully. The umbrella stopped suddenly and bounced away in apparent terror. Obito decided not to think about it.

"…Are you foreigners or youkai?" She was giving their sensei's yellow hair an even blanker look, if that was possible.

"No, everyone here is human." Minato's smile had faltered a bit. "Though we aren't from Nami, if that's what you're asking. We're Konoha-nin."

The miko was apparently drawing yet another blank. And what was she doing with a kitsune youkai anyway?

"Um…that was where Nariko went last year." Haruki supplied after a bit of a staring contest.

"Oh!" The miko smiled broadly. If there was one thing that the Konoha-nin could say about her, it was that she had a very nice smile. She practically radiated kindness. "Sorry about that! I never caught the name. So you're all shinobi?"

"Right." Minato idly blocked the revenge attack of the katana from before, spinning it over the edge of his kunai. "We're a little busy at the moment… Haruki-kun, could you try stopping these things? The civilians are really upset about it."

Oddly enough, Minato's strange charisma didn't work on the fox. Instead, Haruki glanced back to the miko, who was already walking off to confront the killer umbrellas. There was a moment in which no one said anything, but then an expression of comical surprise flashed across Haruki's face, and then the kitsune was off chasing the miko. "Baa-chan, wait!"

Obito gaped. "_'Baa-chan'_?"

There was a pink and blue explosion from the nearest mob of tsukumogami. Then the air was filled with flying paper tags, which looked a lot like the exploding tags that were a standard tool of most Konoha shinobi who weren't Maito Gai. Kakashi picked one off the ground and held it up for Minato to take a look.

There was no complex seal design there, though; only a series of scribbles about blessings and gods. Minato honestly couldn't read any more because the calligraphy was so complicated. Or perhaps just messy.

"Ofuda?" Obito had another one in hand and, for lack of any other ideas, grabbed one of the sandals that had been pestering him for the previous fifteen minutes. He stuck the paper on it.

If sandals could scream, they would have. They fled the area.

"...That was weird." Rin picked up another of the tags. "What are these, bombs?"

"Um, no, they're just ofuda." And then Haruki was back again, looking nearly as nervous as he had when they'd first seen him. "Um...hi, er...I don't actually know your names. Sorry."

Team Minato exchanged looks. In retrospect, it wasn't really all that surprising. Haruki had only known them for about five minutes a month ago. The fact that they remembered _his_ name was more a testament to Kakashi's near-photographic memory than anything.

"In that case, my name is Namikaze Minato." Of course, their sensei went first. Kakashi was nudged forward and the other two followed suit.

"Hatake Kakashi."

"Uchiha Obito."

"Rin. Just Rin."

Minato, who had been watching Haruki carefully, noticed the kitsune's expression cycle from a sort of shock, to disgust, to entirely positive surprise. It was very interesting. Haruki probably needed to train himself to control his emotions better, or at least not show them all at once like that.

Minato proceeded to call him on it. "You know, I've been wondering. What is it about my students that you kitsune youkai find so horrible?"

Haruki jumped and went right back to stuttering. "I, er…I don't think there's anything wrong with Kakashi-kun."

It was possibly the clumsiest attempt at avoiding a question Minato had ever seen. He made a mental note that Haruki was obviously the least fox-like of his siblings. Even Momo was a better liar.

Obito dove in first. "Why is it that every time I say I'm an Uchiha, every kitsune youkai in the area gives me a look like I'm the worst person in the world?"

"It's, uh…well, there was…" Haruki would have tripped over himself in the best of circumstances—this was not the best. "One of your, um, ancestors? He tried to control tousan. And it didn't work."

"_What_." That was Kakashi.

The kitsune actually started pressing his fingers together nervously. "It was only about, uh, eighty years ago or something. A little after the founding of Konoha, maybe."

Rin, who had actually paid attention during history lessons (mostly because kunoichi weren't allowed to learn more interesting things), said, "Wait, you mean Uchiha _Madara_? He's been dead since he fought the Shodai Hokage at the Valley of the End!"

"Well, when we met him…he kind of wasn't." None of the shinobi had anything to say to that. "And…er, I think because he could control the Kyuubi, he thought he could take on Father and…well, they say that the Sharingan could only control the Kyuubi because the Uchiha are descended from…that guy. The Rokudo Sennin, I think?"

Obito was torn between being utterly horrified and completely confused. "Madara ditched Konoha when he didn't get picked for Hokage," he pointed out. "You can't seriously think I'm like _him_, can you?"

"Sorry, it's kind of a habit." Haruki admitted. "Youkai don't really…um, change their opinions much."

"No kidding." Obito shook his head. "What about Rin-chan?"

Haruki blinked, as though reeling from the change in subject. "I, um…"

"Is there something special about my name?" Rin asked.

"That's, uh, that's my aunt's name." Haruki paused. "Sort of my aunt, anyway. She and otou-san were children at the same time."

"Who's your aunt?"

"The Inu no Taisho's wife."

The miko appeared again, being followed by a particularly persistent umbrella. "Haru-chan, most of the tsukumogami are gone. We can…hi, what's going on here?"

Minato's three students abruptly realized that they'd managed to push Haruki into a corner without actually touching him. The notion that this could be considered hostile crossed their minds about a second later, along with a certain level of disbelief that they'd accomplished it in the first place. They backed off without Minato having to say anything, leaving Haruki behind to twitch erratically.

"…Ooookay then." The miko shrugged to herself and hauled Haruki out of his corner.

"Thanks for the help, um…" They'd never gotten her name, as a matter of fact, and Minato was the one left floundering this time.

"Higurashi Kagome." She smiled brightly. "So you're the shinobi Nari-chan was talking about?"

She talked about them? "I think so." Minato said.

"She said she thought you were all cute."

Obito twitched. "She didn't use 'chan' for us, did she?"

"Actually, yes. So, you're Obito-kun?" Kagome asked. At the boy's surprised look, she added, "She also said you probably wouldn't like it much."

"Well, she was right." Obito said. "And yeah, I'm Obito. Are you going to freak out like Nariko and Haruki did?"

"No, and I don't really see a reason for acting like that," the miko replied mildly. "I'm not really the type to hold grudges. I mean…I'm upset about what almost happened, don't get me wrong, but I've never liked the idea of hating people for things they can't control."

Minato gave a silent cheer in his head. _Finally_!

"Awesome." And that was apparently Obito's entire opinion in just one word. "Thanks."

"No problem." By this point, Haruki had gotten his spine back and Kagome was idly sticking one of her many ofuda to the shaft of an arrow. The fox fled. "Anyway, we originally came to Nami to look for some people who are important to us. Have you seen them?"

"A description would be helpful, Higurashi-san." Minato said politely.

"It's not hard to spot youkai…" Kagome shrugged. She didn't seem at all impatient. "Souten is a thunder youkai. A raijuu, actually, so she's kind of hard to miss. When she looks human, she has black hair in a braid and bright red eyes. But if she was in the area, you probably would have seen her shouting somewhere. As for Natsu…"

"She's a nekomata." Haruki piped up from a safe distance away. "She's got this tendency to cause trouble and sometimes raises the dead for a laugh. Except then they try to eat humans, and Natsu does, too."

"She's a walking zombie apocalypse." Kagome said dryly. "Natsu's clan are sociopathic shapeshifters, so good luck. Haruki only decided to follow me when he found out I wasn't going to be able to track her."

"We'll keep an eye out for them." Minato promised. "Though, I have to ask you something, if you don't mind."

Rin hid her face in her hands. He _wasn't_—!

"Go ahead."

"Why was he calling you 'baa-chan'?" Oh, good, he'd found a way out of asking her age directly. It probably wouldn't be enough, though.

Kagome actually laughed. _Laughed_! "I helped raise Shippou-kun back when he was little. Haru-chan is one of his children, so it's just being polite."

"…Nariko said that she was the daughter of the kitsune _lord_." Kakashi said after a moment.

Obito blinked and turned to his teammate. "When was that?"

Kakashi's response was flat and irritated, "_You_ deal with her hassling you about who the son of the White Fang is for four months, and maybe I'll answer."

"It's not my fault you didn't just tell her." Obito replied. "I didn't even know!"

"Boys, not the time." Minato said, cutting them both off before they could build up steam. "Sorry, Higurashi-sama. You were saying?"

She looked amused. "You were basically asking me how old I was."

"Oh, right."

"Well, to answer your question, I'm probably about one thousand and eighteen years old or so."

There was something horribly wrong with anyone who could say that with a straight face.

"…Is something wrong?" Kagome asked.

"…You just claimed to be over a thousand years old." Kakashi said flatly.

It seemed to take a moment for the miko to realize that was so odd about the statement. Once she did, she went red in embarrassment, "Oh, sorry. It's just…your hair reminded me of someone I've never had to explain this to."

Kakashi's eyes narrowed. "What's wrong with my hair?"

"It just reminds me of my husband. His is the same color, though it doesn't stick up like that." Kagome said.

Kakashi said nothing.

"So, we have an immortal miko, a kitsune, and a whole bunch of tsukumogami all in one place…" Minato looked at them all—fox, shinobi, miko, and occasional flying shamisen. After a long moment of consideration, he shrugged and said, "Well, it was nice to meet you, Kagome-sama. Thank you again for helping us out."

Kagome smiled, but none of the shinobi missed the wary edge in her voice. "It was nothing. I'm just going to be performing a few rituals so this doesn't happen again anytime soon."

Rin seemed to come to a decision. "Can I come with?"

Kagome blinked—and her team was almost as surprised—but the miko took it in stride. "Of course. I'll have Haru-chan bring you back to your team when it's over, all right?"

Minato nodded. "Go on ahead, Rin. We're going to be in training for a bit."

The brown-haired girl nearly skipped after the strange foreign pair, leaving her male teammates and sensei behind.

"Sensei, was that really a good idea?" Kakashi asked.

Minato actually didn't really think so, but he wasn't about to let his boys know that. At the very least, he'd already tagged Haruki with his Hiraishin seal, which meant that if Rin got in trouble he'd kill them both without hesitation.

Obito never saw the steel in his sensei's expression. "Sensei, what are we working on now?"

He thought about it. He needed more time to mull over the new information without his team tearing each other to bits while he wasn't looking, so the choice was obvious. "Meditating!"

The Uchiha groaned.

* * *

Konohagakure no Sato:

After a while, the foxes finally started to come back. For a while, it seemed like the village would get used to the insanity—they had once before, after all—but they left again after they'd put glue on every windowpane in the city. There was only one left behind—Haruki. He just appeared on Minato's doorstep one day, twitching quite a lot even for a huge white fox in the middle of the village. Team Minato hadn't let him go since.

They sat in one of the training grounds closest to the memorial stone, trying to interrogate the kitsune with food. It was actually pretty easy, considering that Haruki had never been particularly good at keeping his mouth shut under pressure. Hunger apparently fell under that category.

"It's kind of nice to know that foxes are consistent." Kushina commented, watching the cow-sized, three-tailed white fox devour an entire plate of atsuage in one bite.

Kakashi made a little gagging noise in his throat. He _hated_ fried food.

"S-sorry about being such a bother." Haruki mumbled, lying down on the grass and trying to look as small as possible. "N-N-Nariko wanted to know how you were doing w-without her and Momo."

"So she survived the war?" Minato asked, sitting to the left of the fox's head with Kushina by his side. His students were on the right.

"Um…yes. We didn't have very many deaths. S-sorry I didn't mention it b-before, but baa-chan and I were hunting a n-nekomata. We never did catch her." Haruki's gold-brown eyes were glancing from one side of the clearing to the other as though he was nervous. Then again, given his nature, it wasn't that surprising. "N-N-Nariko wants you to know she's n-not coming back for a while. Um..."

"Did she get hurt?" Obito actually looked concerned, even though he'd seen the youkai's strange healing ability just as clearly as anyone else on that mission to Kusa. Then again, maybe other youkai could cause more damage.

"N-No, she's okay. Um…she said she doesn't want to be w-weak anymore." Haruki's tails were lashing the air anxiously. "S-so she went into training with the general's children. We, um, we don't really know w-when she'll be done."

"Thank you for telling us." Minato said politely. "Are you going to stay here for a while, Haruki-kun?"

"I, uh…um. I d-didn't really think about it." Haruki admitted. It was amazing how expressive a canine face could be. "I was really j-just going to go home. B-but Nariko would probably beat me up."

Rin sighed. "Well, you could hang out with us for a while. I mean, Sensei's going to give his coronation speech tomorrow and then he'll be Hokage. We're probably not going to be doing much with the war almost over anyway, so we'll have time to show you around."

The two boys on her team stared at her.

"What?" Rin demanded, exasperated. "We're not!"

"True." Minato admitted, glancing at Kushina. "What do you think? Should I give them the week off?"

Kushina shrugged. "It's fine. Come to the house and we'll feed you, okay?"

Haruki looked and sounded stunned. "T-Thank you, Kushina-sama!"

Obito punched the air. "Hell yeah!"

It turned out that, once Haruki was settled down with them, he was probably the most boring fox in existence. Sure, he was a nervous wreck ninety percent of the time, but he didn't play pranks, he barely attracted any attention to himself if he could avoid it, and he didn't freak out half as bad as Nariko did when a dog walked past. He didn't even revert to fox form.

But Rin was glad, because it meant that conducting a tour for him was easy, routine, and safe. No one needed her to stitch them up after a particularly nasty training session, and that was great.

"I can't believe boring foxes even exist!" Obito declared on the third day, while they were eating dango at some tiny shop near the Hokage tower. "I mean, even Nariko knew how to prank and Momo drove us nuts that first day!"

"T-there's an exception to every rule." Haruki mumbled through a yawn. His black-tipped gray hair was pulled into a high ponytail, the base of which he scratched when he was human-shaped and nervous. Like he was doing now. "Like how there are some Uchihas who aren't total bastards."

"…That's got to be the most opinionated statement you've ever said." Kakashi said in the silence. He wasn't eating dango, since he also happened to despise sweets, but he still sat with his team. Minato hadn't given them at lot of choice, really, since the speech was going to start in about an hour. There was no time for training.

"I'm g-getting used to being here." Haruki admitted. "It's nice."

"Well, duh. Konoha's the best place in the world," said the Uchiha firmly, completely dismissing the kitsune's earlier comment.

A dango skewer stabbed into the counter next to Obito's hand and he jumped, making Haruki leap nearly two meters away in sudden panic. There was cackling from the next table over.

"Anko-san, the table isn't for target practice." Kakashi said, deadpan. "Neither is my stupid teammate."

The purple-haired girl huffed. "Hmph! Not my fault you were in the way."

"I hate her." Obito muttered as the girl finally took off.

"Be nice." Rin said quietly. "She's only like that because of what Orochimaru did to her."

"She reminds me a lot of Umeko." Haruki mumbled from behind Kakashi. He was finally starting to relax and eased into a chair next to the young jounin.

Kakashi gave him a sidelong glance. "Umeko?"

"Uh, Umeko-imoutochan, actually. She's crazier than most of us and, er, she and Nariko used to bully me a lot when we were little." Haruki actually blushed a bit in embarrassment.

Team Minato looked at each other.

"Middle kid syndrome?" Rin suggested. The boys shrugged.

"What?" asked Haruki.

Rin pressed on. "Did your parents pay attention to you when you were little?"

"Um…yes?" Haruki's expression was one of total puzzlement, but he seemed to have mostly gotten his stutter under control. "Nariko and Umeko were just more like our parents, so they fought more. But then Nariko said she wanted to learn how to shoot lightning from her hands and Umeko wanted to be a healer, so they mostly...um...stopped being sadists?"

"Huh," said Obito. "Which one is more evil?"

"Umeko, no contest." Haruki said fervently. "Nariko, um…she can be nasty, but she's usually looking after Momo-chan. Umeko spends all her time fighting worm youkai on Jinenji-niisan's farm. She usually does it with her bare hands."

"You said she was a healer!" Rin said, shocked.

"She _is_. But Jinenji-niisan doesn't like to fight while teaching how to heal and the farm's always being attacked by youkai. So Umeko kills them." The fox shook his head sadly.

"Your family sounds insane." Obito said with a theatrical shudder. Kakashi rolled his eyes. "Makes me glad I'm an only child."

"It sucks more when they're your littermates." Haruki muttered.

That, they agreed on. And they wondered what it would be like to see the third kitsune of the set.

That night, though, they got an even bigger surprise, which completely drove those thoughts from their minds. Minato, flailing in complete and utter panic, was being held down on the couch by Kushina when they got to the apartment.

Apparently, Kushina had just told him that she was pregnant with his child.

As soon as this fact was repeated for the benefit of the non-sensei members of Team Minato, Konoha's Yellow Flash promptly fainted dead away.

Rin and Kakashi rolled their eyes. Obito started plans for a party. Haruki covered his head with his paws and whimpered.

* * *

The Academy (five months later):

Obito was having a good day. "Okay, midgets! It's time to meet your first ANBU!"

"ANBU?" asked a kid with a blue hair who sat at the back of the room. After all, Uchiha Obito was only a teacher's assistant—he shouldn't have been able to drag them out for field trips.

Actually, he could. "Oh, you know, the guys in white armor and animal masks who are totally the elite of the elite?"

"Wow, really?"

"Really!" Obito said, grinning. "Okay, kids, out you go!"

Obito was still a chuunin, but he'd managed to get a part-time job in the Academy and spent most of the time trying to corrupt the next generation. Over months of conditioning with the insane taijutsu specialist named Maito Gai and everyone else he could get to work with him, his Sharingan had fully evolved. They said that it was only a matter of time before he made jounin, since he even had his own title. Copy-Nin Obito was already feared as a chuunin—if he was promoted any more, the village was certain he'd be a legend. Despite his fame, though, he was still a pariah among the Uchihas, not that he cared.

(This was mainly because—on top of being incredibly un-Uchiha-like for most of his life—he hadn't bothered to tell them that he'd mastered his Sharingan at age fourteen, and Fugaku had only found out after the black sheep of the Uchihas had been recorded in Iwa's bingo book as _Sharingan_ Obito. It had been a bit of an unpleasant shock and many arguments had ensued.)

For all that training and so much experience, though, he still loved to drive Kakashi up the wall.

The Uchiha might have been rather far away, but he could still hear the wolf-masked ANBU mutter as the pre-genin demon spawn started mobbing him: "Obito, I'm going to _kill_ you."

Kakashi had joined ANBU not long after Haruki arrived. He'd only been on the force for a few months, but they said he was already tapped to be a captain. At thirteen-and-a-bit, it would make him the youngest one in ANBU history. He didn't personally care—as long as he could serve his village loyally and come home every night to the people he'd come to care about, it was just another item on his to-do list. Over time, and using the chakra blade he had inherited from his father, Kakashi started to gain a nickname: the White Wolf of Konoha. He still blamed Obito for the whole Second Coming of the White Fang fiasco, though.

He still hated kids, too. Probably had something to do with never having been one.

"They're just kids, Wolf-san. They don't bite." Obito said as he sauntered over to the crowd and Kakashi leapt into the nearest tree. "Much."

"_I hate you right now._" Kakashi hissed, slightly under the hearing range of most of the kids. The one little ponytailed kid, though—Umino something—looked up at the ANBU in surprise.

Huh.

"ANBU-san, come on and get down here. And anyway, you're the only one Hokage-sama would let us use for the demonstration." Obito spoke the absolute truth—Kushina had thought the idea was hilarious and then wouldn't let any other ANBU volunteer. Or be volun-told. Minato knew better than to go against his pregnant wife.

Minato was the Hokage now, officially the _Yondaime_ Hokage, and happily married to Kushina. The Namikaze couple was expecting their first child in a scant four months, and Minato was occasionally seen bouncing off one wall or another in sheer panic as it drew closer. Kushina would usually be laughing at him, until it was time to start demanding her weird craving of the day.

Rin was still a medic, but over time she had become one of the best medic-nin in all of Konoha, even taking over an operating room in the hospital from time to time. Whenever she was out and about in Konoha, she would always buy out several store's worth of Sakuma Drops to give to young patients. Rin spent the majority of her time doting on Kushina, absolutely determined to make sure that her pregnancy was problem-free. The only real issue was the fact that the pregnancy went on for ten months rather than nine, but everything seemed to be otherwise in order.

Life was good.

Kakashi knew about the distinction that Obito had purposefully left out. He wasn't particularly happy about it.

Still, he did as his best friend asked, appearing via Shunshin on the top of a swing set twenty feet away. He was balanced on the balls of his feet on the steel bar, and while the students thought of that as impressive, Obito himself had walked on washing lines before (against his sensei's advice). For a trained shinobi, it was incredibly easy.

"Okay, minions. Who wants to ask the ANBU something first?" Obito was a born showman. He was completely in his element.

Kakashi very much _wasn't_.

Hands shot up all over the place.

Obito grinned. "Okay, Iruka-kun. You're up first!"

* * *

Konohagakure no Sato (two months later):

Walking through the market, even when it wasn't a D-ranked mission, was extremely boring without company. Obito had managed to alleviate his boredom by grabbing the first Academy student he could find—Umino Iruka, the little scar-nosed kid—and taking him out for a day on the town. It wasn't like Obito couldn't afford it, between being an Uchiha and a chuunin who occasionally went on A-ranked missions by accident.

"Where are we going, Obito-sensei?" Iruka asked, jogging along behind the older boy to keep up. Iruka was still kind of short since he hadn't hit his growth spurt yet like Obito had, but it wasn't like the Uchiha held it over his head.

Much.

Obito whistled innocently. "Just going to meet a friend."

Iruka gave him a doubtful look. "Who?"

"Someone called Maito Gai."

_BAMPH_. Iruka actually jumped back in shock, but Obito managed to keep calm until the smoke dissipated. And then he was left staring down a very irritated Kakashi. At least his teammate wasn't in uniform—that might've made Iruka faint or something.

Rage or not and underage or not, Kakashi walked up to the Uchiha and whacked him over the head with whatever stupid little orange novel he'd picked up this week. "Obito, what the hell are you thinking?"

Obito, trying to get his goggles back in place after the blow, snapped, "Oh come on, it's not like meeting Gai will be traumatizing or anything!"

Kakashi gave him a Look.

"Okay, so maybe it might." Obito admitted. "I'm just trying to get Gai to give me a few pointers for this kid's taijutsu."

Kakashi looked from him to Iruka, who was staring at the off-duty ANBU who'd just decked his sensei with wide eyes. The white-haired teen gave a frustrated sigh. "...In that case, I'm coming with you."

"You're actually going to _willingly_ spend time in Gai's presence?" Obito said incredulously. "Wow, I thought I'd never see the day!"

Kakashi hit him over the head again. "No, I'm trying to make sure that 'Springtime of Youth' crap doesn't infect anyone else." He made a wild gesture that didn't really convey anything other than generic frustration. "And it's not like you can actually judge taijutsu."

"That's what Gai's for!" Obito argued. "And you're saying you _can_?"

Kakashi's response was a rhetorical, "What kind of pre-genin would be able to learn _Gai's_ style?"

Obito thought about it. "Point. I'll make sure he doesn't get corrupted."

"And I'll make sure _you_ don't." Kakashi said, flipping his book back open. "'Cause if you did, I'd probably have to mercy-kill you on Sensei's orders."

"Promise?" Obito asked sarcastically.

"Yeah," was Kakashi's absolutely deadpan response.

Both teenagers glanced back at Iruka, who was staring up at them with a rather puzzled expression. "Are you two actually friends?"

"Yes," Obito said, just as Kakashi said, "No."

"_What the hell, Kakashi_!" Obito shouted. "I'm your best friend!"

"You were trying to introduce an _Academy student _to _Maito Gai_ without _any_ precautions." Kakashi said, and if Iruka was right, he was smiling a little under his mask. "You've been downgraded to 'acquaintance.'"

"You're such an asshole!"

Iruka walked right past the arguing pair, hoping that he'd be able to find this mysterious Maito Gai without having to put up with them. Kakashi and Obito had to run once they realized that the poor innocent Academy student was about to meet the most terrifying person still living in Konoha.

Unfortunately, he did.

It was scarring.

Oh god, the bowl-cut and the horribly shiny teeth and the _spandex_… "YOSH, IRUKA-KUN! YOU ARE ABOUT TO WITNESS THE POWER OF YOUTH!"

Iruka _might_ have run away screaming if Kakashi hadn't chosen that moment to pop up out of nowhere, charge into the fray, and challenge Gai to a game of dice. While the two weird teenagers played—and Kakashi would win, since he always carried loaded dice and had no problems with cheating—Iruka was pried out of a tree by Obito about five minutes later.

"You okay?" The Uchiha sure sounded concerned. "Iruka?"

Iruka nodded, still shaking a little.

"Okay. Then we're getting out of here."

"What about Kakashi-san?" Iruka found himself asking, even though he wasn't sure _why_. He was really too busy trying to figure out how to get that horrible spandex nightmare out of his head. And besides, Kakashi was a bit of a jerk.

"He'll hold the line." Obito said, yanking Iruka to his feet and taking off in the direction of the village. "And anyway, he told me yesterday he felt like his taijutsu was getting sloppy, so he'll probably use Gai as a training dummy for a while."

"Are you sure it's not the other way around?" Iruka muttered.

Obito grinned. "Well, I'll go back to help him in a minute, so yeah, he'll be okay."

* * *

Hi no Kuni border:

Outside of the populated areas, the night was far from silent. In the great forests that ran up and down every mountain within sight, the youkai had finally arrived. It was a night charged with excitement.

And dread.

Since getting that letter from Haruki declaring Kushina's pregnancy, Nariko had gone into a sort of state of panic that gave her strength. Where before she was getting beaten into the ground every single day by either Amaya or Sanyu, she began to put up more of a fight before succumbing to the inevitable. While she was still no match for either inu youkai, she was better than her siblings.

Part of that had to do with training with outrageously superior opponents. Sanyu and Amaya were both out of her league, yes, but she had gone so far as to demand training from her own father in order to gain mastery over the skills she had been born with as a kitsune. She spent two whole months constantly trading illusions with him and, while she was probably never going to be at his level, she could lock a single trick in place over any human in existence. Three further months were spent in joint training with Umeko to perfect her lightning powers. She'd even gotten a (loaned) kodachi out of it eventually.

In its own way, it was worth the eight months of hell.

Sort of. It had still hurt like a bitch. But given that she'd finally earned her fourth tail while her siblings hadn't, she figured it evened out eventually.

Nariko found herself shivering in the cool air. "Ume-chan, got everything you need?"

"Let's see…painkillers, disinfectants, strength herbs, fifteen kinds of reiki-drenched sealing tags, ofuda for all occasions." Umeko gave her older sister a sardonic look, carefully repacking her knapsack with all of her favored healing supplies. "Yes, Nari-chan, I'm sure I've got everything."

"Just making sure." Nariko murmured, scratching her head. "I want everything to go right."

"Why are we even coming with you?" Sanyu demanded from the next tree back, standing near his younger sister with Aoi on his shoulder. "We've never even met this mysterious 'Kushina-sama,' or anyone else from Konoha."

"Well, she _did_ finish her training." Amaya said mildly. "And since you and I were the only ones young enough to listen to her…"

"And because I'm the only one who happened to get a _healing_ sword from Otousama!" Sanyu exploded. Well, he'd never quite gotten over that little snub… "All it does is fix people it's stabbed with!"

"Which is why we call it the world's one and only Healing Shiv." Umeko said gravely. "Seriously, Sanyu, shut up before I stab you with something that actually _hurts_."

Nariko and Amaya glanced between the two before sighing. Amaya went first. "Niisan, it's time to concentrate. Nariko asked us because we're her friends. Cousins, even. She wants us to help the humans, who are _also_ her friends."

"I know that." Sanyu said roughly. "Dammit, I'm not stupid."

"Funny, 'cause you're acting like it." Umeko snapped, drawing all of their attention. "Haru-chan told us the pregnancy is dangerous because one screw-up means a three-hundred-meter bijuu gets released in the middle of the goddamn village and _everyone dies._" Her features twisted into something feral—her lips pulled back and her fangs were exposed. If she got any angrier, her human face would start to warp under the effects of her own youki. "You want recognition from your old man? Shut your fat mouth and _act_ like the taiyoukai you're supposed to be."

The taiyoukai pair gaped at her.

"She's right." Nariko said simply, shrugging. "Even if she is being a bitch about it. Come on."

* * *

Konohagakure no Sato:

Over the past ten months, things hadn't really changed much as far as the village as a whole was concerned. Maybe a few more people died on missions or of old age, and there were quite a few more toddlers running around, but the biggest change noticeable to the outside world was this: there was a new head on the Hokage mountain.

For Team Minato, change seemed to be the most applicable word. And all of it was good.

At least for a while.

Less than forty-eight hours before Kushina was due, Team Minato's fox companion disappeared without a trace for what seemed like half the afternoon. When he returned, shaking so badly Obito would later compare his bones to jelly, he was followed into Konoha by four youkai.

Obito recognized Nariko without a problem—except for the haircut and much more practical outfit, the fox-woman was pretty much the same as ever. Seeing her without Momo on her shoulder was a bit weird, though.

The other three were introduced as Umeko, Haruki and Nariko's slightly-evil younger sister, and a pair of inu taiyoukai called Sanyu and Amaya. If it weren't for the fact that the former wore pants, Obito wouldn't have been able to tell them apart.

There was something strange about how easily this was all accepted. Minato had apparently been born with a mind so open that flies got in.

Lunch was held in the Hokage's office. Minato, of course, hadn't even made a dent in the paperwork for the last few weeks, which meant that the kitsune all lounged above and around huge stacks of paper that threatened to start an avalanche at any point. Sanyu was at the window with Kakashi, who was in full ANBU gear. Amaya and Rin sat side-by-side in the chairs in front of the Hokage's desk. Haruki was nowhere in sight, though some odd chewing sounds were coming from under Minato's desk. Kushina leaned on the edge of Minato's chair and Obito paced.

Or maybe the ramen was too hot and he was running around screaming. One could never be sure.

"So, you've finished your training?" Minato asked politely over a bowl of Kushina's best pork ramen. There was a chorus of slurping noodles.

Nariko, after stuffing a slice of Kushina's homemade atsuage in her mouth, replied, "Mm-hm! I'm done for a while."

"Why'd you decide to come back to Konoha?" Kushina questioned curiously. "I thought you were needed back in your homeland."

Umeko answered, since her sister was too busy enjoying the food to really think. The kitsune's voice was mild and flat when she said, "Originally, we were supposed to be looking for Kaasan. But since the last known sighting of her was in Kusa and we didn't find anything there, Nari-chan wanted to visit Konoha."

The black fox nodded enthusiastically.

"I see. How long has she been missing?" Minato asked. He swirled the noodles in his bowl, expression even. "We could ask our people to keep an eye out for her."

"She's been gone for nearly a year." Umeko admitted. "And it's really hard to find a raijuu when she doesn't want to be found."

"Well, we'll try anyway," said the Hokage. "What does she look like?"

"Long black hair in a braid, old Western-style clothes, and bright red eyes," Umeko answered promptly. "She might be traveling with Kouryuu, her pet. He turns into a thundercloud sometimes."

"I see," said Minato. "Shapeshifter?"

"No, not really," said Amaya. The foxes blinked—she'd been so engrossed in her ramen that they hadn't thought she would say anything. "Raijuu generally come in two forms—humanoid and natural disaster. Souten-sama is the former."

"Hm. All right." Minato glanced at Umeko, who was giving Kushina a very concerned look.

The kitsune spoke up before Minato could demand an explanation. It was directed at Kushina. "How far are you along?"

Kushina jumped. "I'm not supposed to talk about that!"

Umeko, who was still in the shape of a small red fox and therefore small enough to be sitting on top of the nearest stack of papers to look the woman in the eye, said, "Is it your first child?"

"Um…yes?" The redhead looked bewildered.

Nariko, ducking under the pair, walked over to Minato. He looked down. "Is she always like this?"

"Pretty much." Nariko admitted. "Ume-chan loves babies more than the best healer we have, so she's the midwife for all the humans Jinenji-niichan's village. It helps that she's not uncomfortable about the whole childbirth thing."

"She's a youkai, though. Will her advice actually help Kushina?" Minato asked.

"Maybe." Nariko really didn't know. "But that's not really what she got called in for anyway."

"I'm getting all the help I need from Biwako-sama, all right?"

"Who the hell is that?"

The blond was curious. And slightly concerned over the brewing argument between the kitsune and the jinchuuriki and how his ANBU student had taken off several minutes beforehand. He'd probably sensed danger first. "What did you ask her to come here for then?"

"Actually, Haru-chan asked."

At this, the white fox cowering under the desk was dragged out by the scruff of his neck. Minato dropped him on the office's wood floor, where he seemed to close in on himself and flattened his ears against his head.

"I-I, um…something…could go w-wrong when K-K-Kushina-sama has h-her b-b-baby, right?" Haruki stammered. Oh hell, it was actually getting _worse_. "S-so I c-c-called in my s-sisters. We, um…we work t-together better."

"How so?" Minato asked.

"When three kitsune from the same litter work together, we can create illusions that are pretty much unbreakable." Nariko explained. She paused. "Though, it's supposed to be three _vixens_, not three siblings of any gender ratio."

"B-better than nothing." Haruki mumbled.

"Sure." And if Nariko had been human-shaped then, Minato knew she would have been rolling her eyes.


	6. Painful Vow

**Painful Vow**

* * *

_Do not go gentle into that good night,  
Old age should burn and rage at close of day;  
Rage, rage against the dying of the light. _

_Though wise men at their end know dark is right, _  
_Because their words had forked no lightning they _  
_Do not go gentle into that good night._

_Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright  
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,  
Rage, rage against the dying of the light. _

- Dylan Thomas, "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night"

* * *

In Konoha:

"Iruka-chan, it's time for bed!"

"But—!"

"_Now_."

"Fine. 'Night, Kaachan!"

* * *

In the mountains outside Konoha:

On the edge of the mountains outside the village, a kitsune and a human were painting the stones with ink and blood. Minato used a brush to create long strokes required for his most powerful defensive seals. Nariko just bit her thumb every five minutes (after it healed) to leave little bloody fingerprints everywhere. Like Minato's wards, they glowed briefly before burning into the ground.

Minato finished his chakra-laden wards first, straightening abruptly from his crouch so he could stretch his poor back. He yawned and turned, eventually, to his companion. "Nariko-san, is your seal stable?"

"Mm…pretty much," the fox replied, sucking her fingers to clean them off. "I'll need to pour youki into it first, but we should have a strong triangle illusion now. Nobody hostile gets in without getting lost in the forest for at least a while."

"I see," said Minato. "In that case, I'm going to head back. You're still going to go on patrol with the ANBU squad."

Nariko bowed. "Yes, Hokage-sama."

Minato gave her a nod and used Hiraishin to teleport back to Kushina's side.

He arrived just outside the hidden cabin's front door and nearly stumbled over Haruki, who was lying under the front window. He managed to make it inside after a bit of a struggle—every cell in his body was telling him to run _away_ from the screaming and Haruki had latched onto his legs like a puppy—and scrambled to his wife's side.

Kushina looked better than Minato did, actually. Sure, both of them were covered in sweat and Kushina was the one giving birth, but Minato had was covered in ink and blood and looked like he hadn't slept in three days. And he hadn't.

"Painkillers?" Umeko suggested, holding up a fist-sized glass bottle with leaves in it. "Kaasan needed them when we were born."

Biwako, the tiny, stern wife of the Sandaime, held out her hand. The kitsune handed the herbs over. "Are these even safe for humans, Umeko-san?"

The fox-woman nodded. "I use them for the village women back home. Youkai get the dried version, and several times that dose if they're in human form."

"I see." Biwako turned back to Kushina, who was red-faced with pain, and Minato, who had both hands on her stomach, glowing with chakra, to maintain the seal on his wife's stomach during the birth. If the Kyuubi escaped, it would be the end of them all. "Minato-sama, Kushina-sama? It's your choice."

"Do it." Kushina gasped, and if it had been Minato holding her hand rather than Amaya, she would have broken every bone in his fingers. The taiyoukai still winced. "Damn, damn, damn—!"

Umeko nodded, shaking the herbs out onto the red-haired woman's tongue and retrieving a glass of water from the sink. "Don't chew. Just swallow, take deep breaths, and concentrate on the baby."

"It must be a boy." Amaya murmured, gently pressing a wet cloth against Kushina's forehead. "No girl would give her mother so much trouble."

Minato abruptly felt like everyone in the room was in a Zen-like state of utter calm except for him. Given that he was the only man in the delivery room (and the male ANBU had decided to go on patrol with Nariko or just guard from outside), it wasn't really _that_ odd, but two of the women weren't even human and one of the others was the one giving birth… He gave up and focused on maintaining the cage aspect of the seal.

"You're doing fine, Kushina-sama." Umeko said, and Minato noticed her eyes darting everywhere before she added, "The first birth is always the hardest."

Kushina gave a humorless laugh, "If this is what having a baby is like, I don't think there's going to _be_ a next one."

Minato wished he hadn't told his students to take the night off and go partying or something. It would have been more fun to inflict his misery on them.

Amaya smiled a little. "I think this one will be enough for quite some time. Human babies are a lot of work."

"No kidding." Umeko said fervently. "Makes me glad _we_ can walk by eight weeks."

"Hah! I like to think I've already got three." Kushina actually giggled. Then she winced, sighing. Another contraction. "Wasn't as bad this time…"

"That means it's working." Umeko said cheerfully. "The baby should be out in less than an hour."

So it went for the next _two_ hours. Minato had to focus entirely on maintaining the seal, so he tried his best to block out most of the comments regarding the impending birth. Haruki wandered in and out of the room once or twice, weaving under the crib, cringing at every stray sound. Nariko's voice crackled across the radio every few minutes, informing them that no one had gotten inside the seals yet. Amaya darted around, either under Biwako's orders or Umeko's. Minato felt his shoulders start to ache.

And then, quite suddenly, there was a rush of blood and a triumphant cry of, "It's a boy!" Biwako was the one who cut the cord and went straight to business.

Minato swayed with relief even as Amaya quickly washed and swaddled the baby and placed him in his father's arms. Biwako and Umeko clustered around Kushina and healing energy swirled around the air—the medics had returned and were getting Kushina's vitals back to normal.

Minato sat down in a nearby chair, feeling himself shake even while the baby wailed. _Oh god, oh god, oh god…I'm a __**father**__. The father of this perfect little boy…_

"Here, Minato-sama. Can't have you going to pieces now." Biwako reminded him, handing him a glass of water. It ended up on the floor.

"I…" Minato began, looking down into those bright blue eyes so much like his own and at the thin strands of blonde baby hair. His son stopped screaming, blinked slowly, and caught Minato's thumb in a deathgrip. The faint lines on his cheeks, a sign of the boy's exposure to the Kyuubi's chakra in the womb, scruched up and make him look even cuter. "He's beautiful."

Umeko snorted. Her voice was dry as she said, "Given how long he was in there, I'm not surprised. I've never seen such a fat baby."

Minato gave a laugh that sounded forced. Exhaustion and joy were making his head go foggy and made it hard to think. He had to blink back tears as the baby latched onto one of his callused fingers and started sucking enthusiastically. _God_…

Kushina, with help from Amaya, sat up. Her voice was still slightly strained, but it was also full of that same quiet, exhausted happiness her husband felt. "Minato."

In an instant, he was leaning on the bed next to her. Biwako replaced Amaya at his wife's side as Kushina finally took her son from his arms and held him to her chest. The baby squirmed and curled his little fist against her shirt. One hand remained locked around Minato's thumb.

Kushina smiled that strange, prideful, sleepy half-smile that so encompassed everything both of them were feeling. "His name is Naruto. Namikaze Naruto."

Minato kissed her.

Not saying anything, the two youkai and the Sandaime's wife began to shoo everyone from the room. Just as Umeko was about to shut the door behind the last of the female ANBU in the room, though, a gray blur pushed through. Amaya caught Haruki's tail as the fox dove under a table and started to drag him out by it. He whirled and nearly bit her, forcing the taiyoukai to drop the kitsune in surprise.

Biwako frowned and whispered fiercely, "Haruki-san, get out from under there."

Haruki bolted from his hiding place under a chair and skidded to a stop in front of "Umeko, we've got trouble! It's a perimeter breach!"

The red fox froze in place. Then she turned and barked at Amaya, "Get your brother out there! We need a heavy-combat type and a tracker and he's the only one who fits the bill. Haru-chan and I will lock this place down."

Amaya vanished.

Minato jerked back to his feet, though none of the youkai paid him any attention. "_Who_ broke the barriers?"

Umeko shook her head. "Don't know. Sanyu-sama should be able to tell." She tapped the side of her neck and Minato recognized the brief beep of a throat microphone. "Nari-chan, where was the failure?"

No one said anything for a moment. Then, Umeko shouted, "What the _fuck_? Those seals were supposed to be—okay, fine, we'll get the guards ready—bye!"

"Who is it and where did they get in?" Minato asked again, blue eyes narrowed to slits.

The pigtail-wearing kitsune could only shake her head helplessly. "We need to wait for Sanyu-sama and Amaya-sama. But I do know the bastard's a _lot_ tougher than we gave him credit for."

The radio crackled again—this time, it was the one Minato had been keeping track of in the room. The voice of ANBU captain Rat filtered through. "Hokage-sama, we've found the intruder."

Minato picked it up and asked, "And?"

There was a pause. A series of harsh whispers told him that the captain had kept his thumb down on the button longer than necessary. "The inu taiyoukai seems to think it's an Uchiha."

The Hokage was instantly on edge. "And is it?"

"We don't know, Hokage-sama." Rat admitted. "We—ack!"

Minato swore. "Rat!"

No answer.

"We're under attack." Amaya was suddenly standing in the doorway again, golden eyes dark and expression clouded. "If Sanyu-niisan found the enemy and he says it's an Uchiha, it is. Illusions don't work very well against them, am I right?"

"Maybe minor genjutsu don't." Umeko said, "But I'm sure ours will at least slow him down."

"He has to be good if he managed to get through the seals." Minato muttered, helping Kushina to her feet. "And I'm sure he's after us."

The kitsune nodded seriously. "We need to get you out of here. Amaya and I should be able to buy you some time."

"What makes you think I can't fight?" Minato's nerves were pretty much shot to hell, yes, but anger was making his hands steady and his heart cold.

Umeko frowned at him. "Kushina-sama just had a baby. You need to stay with her."

Minato agreed. But he wouldn't have been the Hokage if he didn't think about the squad of ANBU that had apparently just dropped off the face of the earth. "Rat's squad and your sister were in the same area—they were supposed to be patrolling together. Where was it?"

_BOOM_.

Everyone in the room jumped. Naruto started to cry.

"Sanyu-niisan has engaged the intruder." Amaya said quietly. She cracked all the knuckles on her left hand, staring at it rather than looking up at anyone in the room. "We need to find better ground. Then we will fight and kill him."

Umeko shrugged. "There's youkai logic for you. Everybody out!"

Minato picked Kushina up. That was about as far as they got.

Umeko was the one closest to the door when the cloaked, masked intruder appeared. The kitsune opened her mouth to shout something—a curse or a warning—and she never saw the vicious kunai slash that took her head off. Her head went one way and her body went another.

"UMEKO!" Haruki screamed.

There wasn't a single doubt in Minato's mind in that one moment—the ANBU guards were dead, Umeko was _definitely_ dead, Nariko was probably dead, and this weird masked bastard was the one responsible for all of it. And Minato needed him to die, _now_.

Several things happened at once.

Haruki darted to Umeko's displaced head, still wailing.

Biwako was cut down by the Uchiha, as well as all the guards still in the room and all of the medics.

Minato used the Hiraishin. He was suddenly behind the enemy.

Kushina and Naruto were teleported to Amaya.

Amaya stood up straight, eyes glowing red, and _roared_.

The masked man hesitated. It was only for maybe a tenth of a second, but by that time Minato had already slammed a fully-formed Rasengan into his face. And as the man flew back, spinning uncontrollably as the Rasengan ground his skeleton down, a massive red fox's head flew into the fray. It bit his arm off.

And, missing an arm quite suddenly, the enemy was unprepared for Minato's second Rasengan.

Kushina stared. The fox head, after ripping the murderer's arm off, had simply flopped to the floor. "That…that was Umeko, wasn't it?"

"If you cut off a wolf's head, it still has the power to bite." Amaya murmured solemnly, her face beginning to stretch into a horrible contortion of a grin. "Same thing with three-tailed foxes. Rest in peace, Umeko-chan."

Leaving the red fox's decapitated body and once-hostile head behind, Amaya gently picked Kushina up and then, quite suddenly, they were gone.

Haruki sobbed alone.

* * *

Near the Hokage Tower:

In the Namikaze household, there wasn't really much for a trio of teenagers to do. Kakashi had been informed by his captain that he had the night off, which meant that he was bored for every one of the five minutes it had taken for Obito to find him and drag him to their sensei's house, apparently because the blond had told him too. Rin was already there.

So, after raiding Kushina's fridge—there _was_ a difference between Minato's and his wife's, mostly in that Kushina's had better food and occupied the top shelf—Team Minato settled in to wait.

On the roof. Stargazing was less of a Nara thing than cloud-watching, but only because a Nara wasn't likely to be awake that long. Team Minato was.

Obito spoke first. "Sensei's kid is going to be born today."

"Mm-hm," said Rin.

"Does that make us the kid's uncles and aunt?" he asked.

"We're only fourteen," their white-haired teammate said. He was completely sprawled out on the roofing tiles—Rin had said something about Kakashi finally hitting his growth spurt. Obito just commented on how much he ate now. "It's more like we'll be his older brothers and sister."

"Are we sure it's a boy?" Obito asked.

"Well, no." Rin admitted. "Sensei didn't want to know. But since Kushina-neechan never picked out a girl name, I think it's a good guess."

Kakashi yawned. He'd been getting tired more often lately. "I still wonder why Sensei wanted to name his kid 'fishcake'."

"I think the idea was more 'whirlpool'." Rin said, giggling.

Obito laughed. "Well, Jiraiya-sama got the name because he was eating ramen at the time. And then he wrote a book and Sensei got the name from it. So he's _totally_ going to be named after a fishcake."

"You two are horrible." Rin was still smiling and both boys could tell, even in the dark.

"Me and Kakashi, we're going to be the two cool uncles." Obito said with a grin. "The ones every kid wishes they had."

"You _do_ realize I'm going to be in ANBU for most of this kid's childhood, right?" Kakashi pointed out dryly.

Obito stuck his tongue out at him. "Only if Sensei doesn't make you retire before you go Orochimaru on us."

"What do I do, then?" Rin asked, giggling. "Looks like the two 'cool' parts are all filled up!"

"You're the awesome medical auntie who makes sure none of us kill each other." Obito suggested.

Rin crossed her arms in mock indignation. "How is that different from what I do now?"

Obito laughed again. "It's _Sensei's_ kid?"

"Point taken." Rin conceded. "Kakashi-kun, what do you…?" A pause. "He's asleep, isn't he?"

Obito nudged him with his foot.

Kakashi's arm snaked out and the next thing they knew, Obito had been tossed off the roof by his ankle. He landed on his feet, at least. Kakashi just rolled over.

"Yup." Obito, apparently perfectly fine, called up to her.

Rin could only sigh. "He's worse than a Nara, I swear."

_BAMPH_.

And just like that, all members of Team Minato were awake, aware, and ready for a fight. It still caught them totally by surprise when, once the smoke disappeared, they saw Kushina and Amaya standing there. The taiyoukai carried their sensei's wife to the front door before letting her walk on her own, which meant that Obito was the first one to reach them.

"Kushina-neechan, what—?" Obito was cut off by his teammates appearing beside him just a second later, both of them crowding around the redhead in concern.

Kushina swayed and Rin immediately put a hand aglow with chakra against the older woman's forehead. "She just had the baby, she's exhausted, and we're not really helping. Kakashi, Obito, get her inside _now_."

Both boys snapped to attention and dragged her into the house.

"What the hell happened?" Obito demanded, once everyone was inside and Kushina was sitting in a chair, nursing her son.

Amaya's expression was severe, especially for the even-tempered youkai. "Uchiha Madara happened. Everyone besides myself, Minato-sama, Kushina-sama, and Haruki-kun who was present when Naruto-chan's birth? They're all dead."

The shinobi froze. Talk about a bogeyman. "You're sure it's Madara?" asked Obito.

The taller girl nodded. "When we were still at home, Otousama would bring out the Uchiha's stolen eyes every few months to remind us of the scent. They were preserved, but inu youkai can tell these things."

Obito looked like he was going to throw up. Even Kakashi looked disgusted. "You kept his _eyes_?"

"Youkai don't forget grudges." Amaya said flatly. "Ever."

"Minato's chasing him down right now." Kushina interrupted. "If that bastard gets to the village, it'll be a bloodbath. Remember the history?"

Obito went white. His Academy history lessons came flooding back to him. "Oh _hell_—after the Uchiha clan joined Konoha, he swore he'd come back and kill us all for stabbing him in the back. When the Shodai killed him, we thought it was _over_…"

"It's obviously not." Kakashi said, scowling. He'd already picked his white chakra saber off the couch and was pulling on his ANBU armor. "I'll get the ANBU out looking for him. No one's going to tell me to stay away when it's Madara—!"

"Unless you're on Sensei's level and you didn't tell us, you're not going to stand a chance," interrupted Rin. Her voice was like steel. "You're going to help me and Obito warn the medics at the hospital and the Konoha MPs. _Nothing else_."

Kushina, who had been quiet until then, cut in with a fierce, "No, you kids aren't getting involved. He went after me and after Minato, not you three."

"It's my clan!" Obito argued.

"If we use that argument, Haruki-kun and Nariko-chan—assuming she survived, at any rate—have a similar claim." Amaya said. She shook her head and continued in a rush, "And in any case, it's not the time to argue over it now. We need Konoha prepared and Madara dead. You three—" Here, she pointed at Team Minato, "—will warn anyone with any authority. Kushina-sama will have to go with you. I will confront the Uchiha if he makes it into the village proper."

"You're a youkai like Nariko, though." Kakashi countered. "Unless you're much more powerful than she is, you're just going to die."

"Then I'm lucky I'm an inu taiyoukai and a warrior by nature." Amaya said evenly. "Sanyu-niisan is probably already fighting alongside Minato-sama. I will go help them."

Kushina just sighed, supporting Naruto with one hand. "Rin-chan, come on. Sarutobi-sama will want to know about this."

"But—!" And Rin cut herself off, gasping. "Oh god, Kushina-neechan, I didn't mean—"

Kushina shook her head. "This is what we're going to do—Amaya will slow Madara down by any means possible. Kakashi-kun, Obito-kun, you're going to get every ANBU in the damn village on alert. Break someone's front door down if you have to. Rin-chan, Naruto-chan, and I will set off the biggest damn firework I have from the Hokage tower. Understood?"

Even if she was only a chuunin, she was the Hokage's wife and, as far as the members of Team Minato were concerned, their adoptive mom. Obito and Kakashi vanished in twin puffs of smoke as Amaya walked out the front door.

Rin took Kushina's arm in hers and the two exhausted Konoha kunoichi limped off to raise the alarm.

* * *

Outside Konoha:

Aoi was terrified. He'd been traveling with Sanyu originally, just like everyone had agreed upon. He was no match for any of the youkai he had come to Konoha with, granted, but he was still a youkai nonetheless. When the ANBU were cut down and Sanyu dropped him and Nariko had fallen with six weapons sticking out of her chest, he'd hardly reacted.

Now, though… Aoi swallowed. Sanyu and whoever else had survived the initial assault were fighting the madman now. Even though he had never met this "Yondaime Hokage" that had all the other youkai so worried, he still had his own job to do.

"_Aoi, make sure Nariko-chan survives. I don't care if you have to butcher the humans to do it._"

Aoi carefully made his way over to where Nariko lay dead—or apparently so—among the corpses of the humans she had allied herself with. He glanced at the first weapon embedded in her torso—a ninjatou—and levered it out.

Nariko coughed. She blinked once and sat up, looking around dazedly. "Aoi?"

"Yes, Nariko-san." Aoi said.

"What the hell happened?" Nariko wheezed as she and the imp worked together to pry the next blade out of her ribs. "I knew someone punched through Minato-sama's seals…"

"I don't know," the imp admitted. "Sanyu-sama didn't tell me what happened before everything went wrong."

"Then…" Nariko coughed again as the wounds started to close. "Ugh. Aoi, we need to get to them."

"I agree, Nariko-san." Aoi said, "But how are we supposed to do that? Sanyu-sama and Amaya-sama are so fast…"

Nariko shook her head, still wheezing. The other blades were still embedded in her lungs, apparently. The only reason she hadn't just dropped dead like the humans was because the enemy had somehow managed to miss her heart entirely. For a youkai, that was generally the only important part aside from the head. She braced her back against a corpse and wrenched the next weapon—a tanto—out. She spat blood. "Peh… Aoi, why aren't you with Sanyu-sama?"

"He asked me to make sure you lived." Aoi said plainly.

Nariko blinked and paused, pulling out another sword. She was frowning. "…Okay? Look, I just…is anyone else here alive? I can't quite walk yet to check."

"Maybe." Aoi replied. "I didn't really look."

Nariko finally tugged the last blade free with a grunt. She dragged herself over to the nearest body and started checking for a pulse. "Start looking. If those two crazies start heading for the village, we're going to need all the help we can get."

Aoi nodded and hopped to the next one.

On the fourth, they finally had a survivor. They could tell mostly because he was the only one of the ANBU who'd taken a stab wound to the gut rather than one through the head or throat. His mask was so splattered with blood that neither youkai could tell which member of the squad he was supposed to be.

The sole surviving ANBU groaned when Nariko tilted his head up to check for any quicker lethal injuries. "Guh…" She ended up discovering that the abdominal wound was a through-and-through, with whatever weapon used going out through his back. The kitsune wouldn't have been surprised if said implement had been sticking out of her not two minutes previous.

"Aoi, we need to get him to the hospital first." Nariko murmured. She was starting to pull on her hair in frustration. "Shit, shit, shit! How did this get so bad so fast?"

Aoi said nothing as Nariko awkwardly hoisted the dazed and dying ANBU onto her back. She needed a bit of a running start to get up to the speed required to travel by leaping from tree to tree, though she at least made sure Aoi had managed to grab on before she took off. The extra weight didn't really slow her down much.

The little imp made sure to close his eyes as brilliant green-blue fox fire enveloped them all. It never hurt to have protection spells up when heading into hostile territory. If nothing else, it would make sure no one noticed Aoi before they got out.

As a river imp without any real powers aside from a water affinity, he didn't see himself lasting long in a village filled with people strong enough to wound a kitsune.

* * *

Outside Konoha (somewhere else):

Sanyu wished, not for the first time, that he actually had a weapon that could kill. If nothing else, he having an extra sixty centimeters of reach would have allowed him to gut his opponent several times over by now.

Not that they were doing badly, oh no. Sanyu was keeping up with the masked Uchiha without any problems despite how much "chakra" he seemed to be putting into every movement. So was the blond man Nariko and Haruki had been so fond of, though he seemed to be teleporting rather than actually running to keep up.

"Oho! You're very good, Yondaime-sama!" the masked enemy joked, earning a solid punch to the center of his mask for his troubles. But despite his humor, Sanyu knew that Madara had miscalculated.

In a youkai's dying moments, its powers were most potent. Amaya had said that Umeko had died to take the man's arm off, and Sanyu believed it. He could almost smell the power the man had used in an attempt to regenerate his arm—it felt similar to his uncle's Meidou Zangetsuha, but in reverse. He was attempting to pull himself together rather than rip his enemy to pieces. But with a kitsune youkai's dying curse on his body, an inu taiyoukai's curse on his soul, and the mind-scrambling fox illusions Sanyu _knew_ he hadn't managed to dispel, the Uchiha patriarch had lost the use of at least that ability.

Sanyu lashed out with his family signature light whip, which scored the man from shoulder to shoulder and made him double over, screaming. He smiled unpleasantly. It was nice to know the supposedly invulnerable man had a weakness that matched Sanyu's greatest strength—youki.

Then the Uchiha jumped back, snarling like a stricken beast, and Sanyu felt something from him. Energy, again. On a hunch, he dashed forward and unleashed the Dokkasou technique, which was youkai poison expelled from the fingertips. He mostly missed since the man dodged at the last second, but at least a drop of the spray caught the man in the eye.

Madara screamed.

Before Madara could come back to reality, the Yondaime appeared in front of him in a burst of yellow, slamming another fist-sized orb of glowing energy into the Uchiha's head. This one sent him spinning off toward the village in the distance—a range of four whole kilometers.

Sanyu whistled. Despite being a taiyoukai and ridiculously powerful just on his own, the yellow-haired human had truly impressive skills.

"I managed to get my Hiraishin seal on him," Minato said, breathing hard. Sanyu blinked. That technique didn't have much of an energy requirement, did it? He was holding his side… "He's heading for the village. We need to…"

"You're hurt." Sanyu interrupted, wondering how the hell he hadn't smelled all the blood earlier. "Will you be able to fight like that?"

Minato's expression was frigid. "Even if I couldn't, do you really think it would stop me?"

"Not for a second." Sanyu answered promptly. "I fully expect you to kill yourself fighting him first."

Minato gave a humorless laugh that ended in a wince. "In that case, let's finish him off now. Take my hand."

Sanyu obeyed.

* * *

Uchiha District:

"Itachi-chan, could you watch Sasuke-chan for a minute while I make a snack for us?"

"'Kay, Kaachan," said the five-year-old Uchiha. He held his arms up so his mother could adjust his baby brother's sling around his torso. Little Sasuke squirmed a bit until Itachi managed to get his arms under his brother's head.

"Oh, you're such an angel, Itachi-chan." Mikoto said brightly. She kissed his forehead. "You can sit out on the patio. I'll have something ready for you in a little bit."

"'Kay, Kaachan. Is there watermelon?" Itachi asked, balancing Sasuke against his shoulder as he stood up.

His mother smiled. "For you? Definitely."

Mikoto watched as her sons skipped out the door, feeling like her heart would burst. After everything that had happened during the Third Great Shinobi War, she had been afraid Itachi would never smile again. He'd lost tutors and friends in that hell. But since Sasuke had been born four months ago, Itachi would spend hours doting on his younger brother. It was really cute, no matter how much Fugaku disapproved.

Fugaku argued that the heir to the clan needed to be strong enough to survive any tragedy, personal or not. Mikoto thought that in order to be strong, surviving came first. Strength came from struggle. In her own career as a jounin, no matter how short it had been, that idea had been true more often than not.

Still, she was an Uchiha now, and that often meant bowing to clan rules and policies more often than not. She got back to cooking.

Outside, Itachi fiddled with the bottle he'd been given, wondering why it was that babies took so long to grow teeth. Meanwhile, the infant Sasuke blinked up at him, obviously wondering where his mother had escaped to. For a lack of anything better to do, the baby reached up and grabbed Itachi's pinky in his tiny hand.

"Ow," said Itachi, as Sasuke dragged his finger down to stick it in his mouth. For a four-month-old, he was rather adventurous in his infantile way. "Otoutochan…"

_BOOM._ Somewhere in the middle of the compound, there was a sudden explosion of dust and noise, and then Itachi heard screaming. Even at age five, Itachi hadn't been raised an Uchiha for nothing. He didn't freeze in terror—instead, he ran inside the house, shouting for his parents.

Even indoors, it was hard to miss the subsequent deafening _CRACK-BOOM_ of a fireworks display not long afterward. Or the warning flare that lit up half the sky with an eerie red light.

And just like that, every shinobi in the entire village was awake.

* * *

Konoha General:

Nariko arrived at the hospital accompanied by Aoi, the injured ANBU, and what seemed like half a dozen chuunin, all on guard. She stumbled up to the front counter, slamming into it at waist height, as the reception worker shouted for a stretcher. She gripped the counter under her nails and the wood started to buckle.

"Are you okay?" asked the receptionist frantically. The woman hadn't had enough coffee for this.

Nariko looked up at the woman through her bangs, glaring as best she could with someone on her back. If she'd been any paler, it might have counted as an Orochimaru-grade glare. "_What do __**you**__ think_?"

"I'll, uh, go get that stretcher now," the receptionist squeaked. She was gone in a flash.

"Half a dozen chuunin and not a brain among them." Nariko muttered, shaking. She had to anchor herself to the desk to keep from falling. "Someone get this guy somewhere flat so he stops bleeding out."

One of the chuunin unhooked the ANBU's arm from her neck and he was dragged to the gurney that had just appeared as if by magic. Someone had managed to find an IV drip and Nariko saw the white-garbed medic-nin rushing around like headless chickens.

"Nariko-san, I think we need to get out of here." Aoi whispered, freezing under the gaze of so many armed humans. Nariko gave a silent nod and stood up.

A chuunin with a nearly vertical ponytail said, "That thing _talks_?"

"What the hell is that?" said another, reaching for a kunai.

"Kill it!"

Nariko grabbed Aoi's shirt and hoisted him into her arms. Her eyes were narrowed to little amber slits. She growled, low and deep in her throat.

"You look half-dead, girl," one of them pointed out.

"Only half." Nariko agreed gruffly. She let Aoi climb onto her back. "But that's half alive and that's enough to let me find whoever hurt that ANBU and _strangle_ him. The summon will help."

"It's only a summon?"

"Might as well be," Nariko mumbled under her breath, nodding. "Did you hear the siren?"

"Yeah, we—" The chuunin did a verbal backspace as he realized what he said. "We're under attack!"

Nariko could only groan as the shinobi all took off in a massed Shunshin. So much for mid-ranked troops… She sighed. Well, many hands made for light work, but the same principle didn't necessary work in battle. "Aoi, this is gonna _suck_."

Aoi nodded in agreement.

"Find someplace safe to hide. Sanyu-sama wouldn't want you getting killed." And before the imp could reply, the kitsune had already taken off.

He ran after her.

* * *

Uchiha District:

At eleven o'clock on the night of October 10th, Uchiha Madara arrived in the midst of his kin.

Less than two minutes afterward, the Uchiha Massacre began.

* * *

**A/N:** And so begins the darkest night in Konoha's history. With a twist.


	7. Mutual Disadvantage

**Mutual Disadvantage**

* * *

_Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,  
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,  
Do not go gentle into that good night. _

_Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight  
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,  
Rage, rage against the dying of the light. _

_And you, my father, there on the sad height,  
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.  
Do not go gentle into that good night.  
Rage, rage against the dying of the light._

- Dylan Thomas, "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night"

* * *

Uchiha District:

Madara had killed more than twenty Uchiha and several ANBU in less than ten minutes. Age, gender, rank—none of it mattered at all to a blinded madman with a rabid hatred for his own kin.

He was carving a bloody swath of destruction and death through the entire family by the time Minato and Sanyu arrived in a burst of yellow chakra and a Rasengan. A few seconds later, Amaya leapt on him with murder in her eyes from a nearby roof. He recognized her much like he had before, but this time it hardly slowed him down. Both combatants did their best to kill each other—Madara using a dozen Katon techniques, Minato spamming Hiraishin and Rasengan left and right, Sanyu blasting holes in the scenery with his youki whip, and Amaya determinedly trying to maim him with her Dokkasou. It was then that she discovered that even a blinded shinobi would dodge almost perfectly.

So she bunched up her fist and hit him in the face instead, just as her brother appeared seemingly out of nowhere and clipped the Uchiha's back with his claws. On the upside, if the fight lasted much longer they'd probably end up liquefying the enemy in his own skin. The only thing that had saved him so far was his speed, and no one could last forever when their muscle mass was disintegrating as they moved.

Madara disappeared again, laughing faintly, vanishing in the darkness provided by a cloud-covered moon.

"What the hell is he after?" Sanyu snarled, immediately knowing where the Uchiha had disappeared to. It was not for nothing that he was an inu taiyoukai, and besides, Minato had used the Hiraishin and suddenly another part of the Uchiha district was screaming.

"I have no idea." Amaya murmured, taking to the rooftops with her brother just as she saw the masked shinobi—ANBU—begin to swarm into the area. Not for the first time in her life, she was glad her favorite kimono only had two layers, since it made dashing across buildings with the intent to kill someone _so_ much easier.

Just as the first two ANBU were blown away in a blast of raging black fire, Sanyu landed and swiped at the man's legs again. One good hit would have left him helpless for Minato's final strike. And yet the old Uchiha was as slippery as a snake, avoiding another crippling blow.

Amaya weaved in behind the Yondaime, trying to drag Madara down with her own youki whip, but she also missed.

Minato used the Hiraishin again and tried to take the masked man's head off with one of those three-pronged kunai, only to have the weapon slide right through Madara's neck as though he were made of air.

"This is new." Sanyu remarked quietly to his sister as an ANBU unleashed a shuriken barrage on the enemy. It also failed. "He dodges us, but not Minato-sama or the other shinobi. He just lets their attacks phase through…"

"He has to be solid when he attacks." Amaya said reasonably, eyes locked on the enemy. "And apparently he can't dodge our youki the same way he can avoid chakra. We should just kill him."

"Easier said than done, I think." Sanyu replied, but he was smiling.

"This is so very inconvenient!" Madara whined, bouncing back to get out of Amaya's range. Sanyu was on his other side in an instant. "A pair of horrible youkai _and_ the Yondaime trying to corner me? Three on one isn't fair at all!"

Minato warped through the air again and once again, Madara dodged. A boar-masked ANBU suddenly collapsed in a pool of his own blood as the crazed Uchiha went on the attack again.

He was met by an identical pair of Dokkasou blasts. Both missed, since it didn't seem like the madman had lost any limbs.

Something small and round blew up in the ground under Amaya's feet, making the female youkai flinch and leap back. She ignored the flying shards of stone, though, and they bounced off harmlessly. She was much more worried about the deafening noise.

"Watch out!" Minato shouted as he teleported again. The sound ended up being cut off in the middle and made the second sentence almost inaudible over the groan of exploding pavement. "He's using exploding tags!"

Sanyu snarled in a wordless rage, flexing his claws in anticipation of the kill. They _needed_ to bring the rogue down.

"Bet you can't catch me!" Madara taunted childishly.

"He's another space-time manipulator." Minato said in a rush, appearing instantly by Sanyu's left shoulder. The taiyoukai blinked, allowing his sister to charge forward and attack along with the ANBU. He would never get used to seeing a human pop in and out of existence all the time. "He's shifting himself into another dimension to avoid attacks."

Sanyu's expression was blank. "…Is dodging kunai really that hard?"

"No, he's just taunting us." Minato replied. "But since he actually needs to run away from you two, I assume you have some background that lets you kill him regardless?"

_Is it possible that the Meidou Zangetsuha had some strange effect on Otousama?_ "More or less. It was once family practice to send enemies straight to hell." _In Inuyasha-jisan's case, it might still be._

The blond paused. "That would do it. Keep attacking."

"Yes, Minato-sama."

Madara took the opportunity to kill three more ANBU and disappear underground without so much as making a tunnel. Amaya actually had to stop to wonder what in the world had just happened and try to figure out where the Uchiha had escaped to. Minato vanished.

* * *

Near the Hokage Tower:

Just as Rin and Kushina exited the tower, they were met by a bit of a crowd. Most of said crowd were chuunin or special jounin, and at least three were trying to keep Haruki, in full fox form, from getting any closer to either kunoichi. They seemed to think the fox was out to hurt them. This was an entirely reasonable assumption to make about a three-tailed fox, if it had been nearly any other youkai than Haruki.

With a sweep of his huge gray tails, he was free of shinobi captors. There was a look in his eye that Kushina recognized as desperation.

"Haruki-kun?" Kushina asked, still leaning heavily on Rin's shoulder. In her arms, Naruto whimpered and squirmed.

"Kushina-sama!" Oddly, there was no hesitation in the fox's voice, just a bit of a wobble. He lowered his huge head and bent his front legs in an approximation of a bow. His sweeping tails still kept the well-meaning Konoha-nin at bay. "Please, Kushina-sama, where is Minato-sama?"

The redhead was just about to answer when an explosion rocked the village. Her head whipped around and she froze—it was coming from the Uchiha district. _Mikoto_!

Haruki also turned his head as the healthier shinobi rushed off in the direction of the noise. That left only four humans—Kushina, Rin, and a pair they recognized as the Umino couple. The man was dressed as a proper Konoha jounin—the woman, ANBU. The fox's tails lashed agitatedly.

"Sensei's out there." Rin said, eyes locked on the plume of smoke rising from the besieged Uchiha district. "He has to be." Minato wouldn't be anywhere other than the thick of things, not if he had a choice.

Haruki bared his teeth, pacing nervously. "Then I have to go there too."

Someone bounced onto the street next to them just as Haruki seemed about to launch himself off toward the panic. Rin started channeling chakra to her hands, ready to lash out with chakra scalpels and possibly slit an enemy's throat without breaking skin, but she stopped once she recognized him.

Kushina frowned. "Obito-kun? I thought you were warning everyone?"

"Yeah…funny thing about that." Obito said nervously. He scratched the back of his head. "Turns out setting off exploding tags in a weapon shop is pretty damn loud."

"That was _you_?" Rin squawked, horrified. "We thought we were under attack!"

"We are." Kushina put in. She glanced at the Umino couple, who were obviously very anxious to be on their way and to help their fellow shinobi but unwilling to leave their Hokage's lover unprotected. "Umino-san, Umino-senpai, Obito-kun, please take this fox to the battlefield. He'll be more useful there than here."

The woman nodded. Kushina saw her husband's mustache twitch. Obito saluted. Haruki nudged both shinobi with his left tail and carefully leaned down. "I would be glad of the escort, shinobi-san." Once all of them were on his back, Haruki shook his whole body not unlike a very large dog. Green flame exploded from his fur and there was a lot of swearing. "My apologies, shinobi-san, but this is my protection magic. It won't burn."

"Just get going." Kushina ordered.

Haruki fixed her with an amber-eyed stare. By the light of a dozen fiery explosions, she could see her reflection in it. "I will, Kushina-sama. And if I find Sanyu-sama, I will send him back here."

"Why?" Obito asked. "As far as I could tell, he was doing fine."

"Yes, he probably is." Haruki admitted. He turned his head away. "But with Umeko…like she is…Sanyu-sama is the only one of us who has any healing ability, through his so-called 'useless' sword. I think it may give Kushina-sama enough chakra back to fight."

No one said anything for a moment. Then the redhead grinned fiercely and said, "Do it."

"As you wish, Kushina-sama." And then the fox and his three passengers were gone.

Unnoticed by anyone, Umino Iruka followed at street level.

* * *

Uchiha District:

Kakashi couldn't help but jump when the entirety of Haruki's bulk landed next to him, splintering the roofing tiles. When Obito slid off the fox's back—once again complaining that foxes made horrible riding animals—Kakashi had to suppress the urge to punch him. _Yes_, Obito was a chuunin. _Yes_, he'd fought in the Third Shinobi War. But he wasn't particularly talented outside of his Sharingan techniques, and this incident had already killed more than fifty shinobi, most of whom were much better fighters than the black sheep of the Uchiha clan.

Haruki nudged the other two shinobi with his tails—both of whom Kakashi recognized as Iruka's parents—and they took off in the direction of the fighting. Haruki slid down the roof and dropped off the edge so that he ended up at ground level, then paused and stared up at Kakashi and Obito.

"Obito, what are you _doing_ here?" Kakashi demanded, and his voice was slightly muffled under the ANBU mask. "I thought we agreed that you'd take off after you set off those exploding tags!"

The pariah of the Uchihas gave Kakashi the kind of look he'd never expected to see on his friend's face—not physical pain, but emotional. Kakashi stopped. Even though Obito was an outcast, the Uchihas were still, one way or another, his family. And they were dying in droves. Kakashi couldn't have really expected Obito to stay away, could he?

"Obito, whoever's out there killed thirty ANBU in one night," the white-haired teenager explained quietly, even though his heart went out to his friend. "In less than ten minutes, even. What do you really think we're going to be able to do against someone like that?"

Obito scowled. "Like I care. Look, Kakashi, I'm not going to be doing any of the fighting. I _know_ that. But no one ever said I couldn't help my clan."

"…I see." And he did. Obito at least knew he didn't stand a chance against whoever was killing his family. Kakashi knew that anyone who could destroy five entire squads of his seniors was similarly out of _his_ league. He looked off into the distance, to where it was obvious that their sensei and the enemy were still fighting. "I'll help."

Obito blinked. "Wait, Kakashi, aren't you going to go help Sensei? I thought—"

"If Sensei's going all out, I don't stand a chance any more than you do." Kakashi said bluntly. "I might as well help in a way that could actually do some good. Let's get as many people out of here as we can, Uchiha or not."

The Uchiha looked down at the street, to where Haruki was prodding Obito's distant cousin's body with his nose. There was no sign of life.

The gray-white fox glanced up at them. "Obito-kun, Kakashi-kun, this is where I leave you."

"What for?" Obito asked, surprised. Then again, the foxes tended not to follow anyone's orders so much as they took broad suggestions…

Haruki just shook his head and started running.

Kakashi shook his head. Gesturing for Obito to leave the fox to his own devices, he pulled out the ANBU-standard tanto and poked his thumb with the tip, until his thumb was bleeding. Three hand signs later, and Kakashi slammed his hand down on the roof with a muttered, "Kuchiyose!"

_BAMPH_. Pakkun and Bisuke appeared in a puff of smoke. Well, the pug was a decent strategist and the hound was fast, and Kakashi had only had the ninken contract for about a year. He sighed inwardly.

"Yo, Kakashi," said Pakkun. Bisuke yipped.

"You and dogs, I swear…" Obito muttered.

Kakashi and his dogs ignored him. "Pakkun, help Obito look for survivors. Bisuke, you're with me."

"You're not expecting us to fight?" Pakkun asked, jumping down to the ground with Obito not far behind.

Kakashi shook his head. "No, this is purely search-and-rescue. If you run into the guy Sensei's fighting, retreat."

Pakkun nodded. "Gotcha, Kakashi. See you later."

* * *

Hokage Tower:

Nariko was forced to stop traveling across the rooftops when a stray fireball blew a massive hole in the buildings next to her. She avoided the rubble and the crater by skidding to a stop on a gutter and then bounded off to get a better look at the damage. And to avoid bits of wood and nails going through her, which was quite important, too.

She probably should have glanced down first. She was immediately mobbed by a crowd of two.

Then again, Kushina had the personality of an entire crowd unto herself. Rin was just going along for the ride.

"Nariko-chan, I need you to take me to Minato," the redhead said in a tone that brooked no arguments, excuses, or complaints. "I'm not waiting for some taiyoukai to get off his ass and help me out. Something's wrong."

Something in that tone went straight through Nariko's forebrain, where all the thinking actually happened, and found a way to trigger a primitive defense mechanism to avoid a mother's wrath at all costs. If she'd been in fox form, she probably would have tucked her tails between her legs and cowered under a table. As a humanoid, she had to make due with cringing and trying to look as small as possible.

And she'd thought Momo was crazy when she said _Minato_ scared her! Kushina was a million times worse.

"As you wish, Kushina-sama!" Nariko squeaked. In a burst of smoke, her human body was replaced by her four-tailed fox form, and she didn't fight when both the Hokage's wife and his sole female student got onto her back. She did shiver quite a bit, though.

Once she was sure Naruto was still sleeping peacefully despite the explosions and general panic, Kushina nodded to herself and patted the fox's shoulder. "Okay, let's go."

"Y-yes." Nariko whimpered.

Rin, meanwhile, sat back and wondered what the hell had just happened.

* * *

Uchiha District:

Obito didn't believe his eyes at first, and, since he was an Uchiha, that was saying something. He ducked behind an overturned market cart, pushing his goggles up to rub his eyes to make sure he wasn't seeing things. Then he risked a glance around the corner again.

Unfortunately, he hadn't been mistaken. A dozen meters away, Haruki was standing on a roof and launching green-blue fireballs at an unseen target. Iruka's parents were tossing explosive tags on kunai at presumably the same person, whoever it was. Explosions could be heard the next street over, and Obito wasn't sure if he could blame his sensei for all of them.

And some distance behind them, hiding in an alleyway much too close to the danger, was Iruka.

Obito swore under his breath, though no one would have heard him anyway over the noise. By the sound of clashing metal and the dizzying whirring noise of a Rasengan, the fighting was getting closer. They had to move fast.

"Can you grab the kid?" Pakkun asked, crouching next to Obito's bent knee.

"I think so." Obito replied quietly, forming a hand seal as Pakkun grabbed onto his flak jacket. _Shunshin no jutsu!_ He put enough chakra into the technique for a quick dash and ended up sliding to a spot next to Iruka in the mouth of the alley.

"Obito-sensei!" Iruka yelped, flinching. _Man_, Obito thought, _if anything he should be __**jumpier**__!_ _He's a freaking genin and he doesn't even have any weapons!_

"Iruka-kun, we've got to get the hell out of here." Obito whispered urgently.

"But what about my parents?" Iruka demanded, though Obito managed to keep him from shouting.

"Your parents will be fine." And Obito knew at once that it was a lie. Iruka's father was only a tokubetsu jounin when even ANBU were dropping like flies, and his mother was practically retired. But where the boy's parents had at least a chance to get away if the situation went to shit, Iruka himself was just as helpless as Obito's few civilian cousins. He grabbed the younger boy's wrist. "Come _on_, Iruka!"

That was when Iruka punched him in the jaw. For a genin, he hit pretty hard. Obito recoiled, cursing with the kind of vocabulary would have given even Kushina pause, no matter how angry she was. _I was trying to make sure he didn't get killed! What the fuck kind of genin punches their ex-Academy teacher?_

At this point, said genin had managed to get away from Pakkun too, and was running toward his parents. Obito chased after him, shouting, "Goddammit Iruka, _get back here!_"

And then the enemy landed in their midst.

Sharingan active and spinning, Obito caught a glimpse of an orange mask in the depths of a solid black cloak. The mask had a single eye hole, and through it the young Uchiha saw nothing but a gaping red crater. He didn't really care about that part, though the image would haunt his dreams for years afterward. What he _did_ care about was that the masked mass-murderer was standing less than half a meter from Iruka, who stood frozen in the street. And that the man had an ANBU katana in hand, raised to strike.

Obito _might_ have overloaded the Shunshin when he used it then, grabbing Iruka by the back of his shirt at extremely high speed and dragging the boy out of the way. The crazy masked man managed to slice part of the way through Obito's right forearm, but the blade glanced off the bone and he at least got to keep that hand, even if his dominant arm was going to be useless in a fight. At the exact moment that Obito made his move, a green-blue fireball struck the man in the back of the head and Haruki tried to bite his head off. Iruka's parents leapt to their son's defense and, with Haruki leading the decidedly hostile charge, they weaved and ducked and peppered the enemy with ranged weapons.

Iruka blinked and tried to figure out why he was suddenly ten meters away and being held back by the Uchiha while Obito, who had managed to come to a stop by slamming his back into the same cart he'd used as cover before, was trying to make the world stop spinning.

To that end, he shoved the genin off his lap and activated his Sharingan again so he could take a good look at his arm. He nearly gagged at the sight of exposed bone.

"O-Obito-sensei…" Iruka stammered, staring at the wound in horror. _Ah, right, Iruka never liked blood._ "I'm s-sorry!"

"I'll be fine." Obito insisted, his voice rough. He fumbled with his left hand so he could open the medical pack Rin had given him for his birthday not too long ago, but pain made him clumsy. "_Dammit_!"

Just then, Iruka's mother broke off from the fighting. Haruki spat a massive fireball that engulfed half a block. Still, the Umino woman determinedly made her way over to both boys. She grabbed her son by his shoulders. "Iruka-chan!"

"Kaachan!" Iruka was crying, both from stress and fear, but Obito also had his attention. "Kaachan, I—"

She slapped him. Obito winced in sympathy, but not so that either Umino could see it.

As Iruka reeled from the blow, his mother hugged him tightly and whispered, "Iruka-chan, you have to get out of here. It's not safe for anyone. Especially not my baby, okay? Get out of here so we parents can protect our children, okay?"

"But…but Kaachan, I can't—!" Iruka cut himself off, eyes going wide. "You're bleeding!"

"Never mind that!" his mother hissed. "Help your friend get out of here."

Iruka swallowed hard, glancing at the older boy.

Obito, who was being forced to bandage his arm with his teeth and the fumbling use of his left arm, nodded. Maybe Iruka's mom would be able to talk some sense into him.

Pakkun, who hadn't come along for the second Shunshin, pushed his way past the Umino pair and nudged Obito's leg. "You okay, kid?"

"Enough." Obito bit out under his breath. "That bastard would have cut Iruka in half!"

"That's the guy Kakashi told you to stay away from," the pug pointed out. "It's kind of expected."

Obito blinked. "_That's_ the guy fighting Sensei?"

"Yeah, he—oh god, he's getting up." Pakkun whimpered, hiding behind Obito as much as he could. He managed to get inside Obito's chuunin vest somehow, just as Iruka and his mother pulled the Uchiha to his feet.

The masked man stood up from his place among the rubble, tossing his burning cloak aside. He was still clothed entirely in black, but now they could see the blood and the missing arm and the gaping hole where his one visible eye was. The man practically radiated malice.

Haruki stepped forward again, turquoise flames showing through the gaps in his fangs.

The masked man made half a hand seal with his left hand.

Just as Haruki roared and a crackling wave of greenish-blue fire burst from his jaws, the man murmured, "Katon: Goukakyuu no Jutsu!" and a huge red jet of flame, tinged black at the edges, met Haruki's fire head-on.

The two raging fires met partway between the two, flaring outward as though both sides had hit a wall. Haruki's kitsune fire blast was larger, but the enemy's was hammering its way through the weaknesses in the green flame. Iruka's mother grabbed the boy and his father helped Obito to a hiding spot some thirty meters away and behind a stone wall. All of them could feel the oppressive heat as the battle raged on.

But Obito was watching was they ran, and he felt a burst of terrible fear as he watched the wall of flames get higher and higher. Both sides were absolutely fixated on blasting their enemy to cinders, but neither appeared to care that their little show of force was spreading, blasting through the _wooden_ buildings on both sides and, at the top, making it rain fire.

_Where's Sensei?_ Obito wondered, staring up in horror as a green fireball engulfed a flock of panicking sparrows. Their little bodies fell and set fire to still more buildings. Where were the rescue teams?

_What the fuck is going on?_

Fire blossomed. The entire Uchiha district was burning.

Then one of the few completely black fireballs fell from the sky, splashing in the street next to the wall. A lick of flame—nothing more—touched Iruka's mother's flak jacket. Another spark landed on his father's sandal. Iruka was shoved away, toward the wall, and the fire…oh god, the fire…

Obito grabbed Iruka's shoulder and held him back, just as the black fire leapt and grew like some seething black tide and the boy's parents screamed and burned.

Iruka's voice was hysterical. "_KAACHAN! TOUCHAN! NO, PLEASE—!_"

Obito, who had been looking up and saw the incoming all-consuming flame heading right for them, pinched a nerve in Iruka's neck and dragged the boy away. He cried the entire way, and for once didn't try to use the smoke in his eyes as an excuse.

_BOOM_.

* * *

Elsewhere in the Uchiha District:

Minato blinked and some of the blackness went away. So did most of the blessed numbness, unfortunately. He didn't try to sit up, though—when his vision had finally cleared, he was looking up at three faces and none of them looked happy with him. Given that one was a taiyoukai, one was his female student, and the last was Kushina, there was a certain edge of fear making its way into his thoughts.

"What have we learned about fighting with a gut wound and refusing medical help?" Rin asked with false sweetness, as though she was speaking to a child or a simpleton.

"Don't do it?" Sanyu suggested. He was holding a glowing sword over Minato's head, which ordinarily would have been a cause for concern. As it was, Minato managed to figure out from the way Sanyu was holding the weapon that he didn't actually plan to stab him with it.

"Where's…where's Madara?" Minato asked, and he realized that his voice was incredibly weak. _Note to self: never fight to chakra exhaustion and collapse from blood loss. Never again._

"Amaya-chan is dealing with him now." Nariko's voice rang out from somewhere out sight. "I think."

"We'll get you healed enough for a second fight." Sanyu said as his katana finally stopped glowing and he sheathed it. "Rin has soldier pills, whatever the hell those are…"

Minato wasn't really thinking about that, though. Kushina was staring down at him, her violet eyes flat and cold. Naruto squirmed in her arms.

"Minato…" Kushina began menacingly, and Minato instantly knew he was in deep shit. "_What. Were. You. Thinking?_"

Screams erupted in the next block. Minato saw a column of smoke and the light of distant flames. Kushina's expression froze.

Someone flew out of the smoke, tumbling through the air in a lazy, terminal arc. Another black shadow—a pint-sized ANBU they all recognized—appeared out of nowhere and caught the falling shape with the help of his largest summoned dog, Bull.

The bundle stirred. "…Kakashi?"

Their argument was put on hold. Minato grabbed Sanyu's helping hand and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. Rin forced a soldier pill and a blood-replenishing pill down his throat, healing all the while, and Kushina's chakra flared. If he looked closely, he could see the faint lines of the half-formed chakra chains she had used against the Kyuubi for so long.

Minato was already moving, scrambling to his students' side with all the desperate speed of a terrified father, and managed to help Kakashi balance the boys'—_Obito was carrying a civilian?_—weight. Obito was listless and heavy in his arms, blinking slowly with tearstains making tracks through the soot on his face. Kakashi had leaned the unconscious child against Bull's huge flank and had his teammate's wrist in hand.

With Rin frantically whispering under her breath—not a curse, no, just a running diagnosis going so fast it verged on a panicked mantra—Minato discovered that his Uchiha was suffering from smoke inhalation, exhaustion, _chakra_ exhaustion, and something about shockwaves that damaged internal organs. The blond Hokage hardly noticed when Sanyu crouched next to them, glowing with the light of that healing katana. Nariko nudged Bull away, twitching badly the entire time, and picked the ponytailed boy up.

"They ran into Madara." Sanyu hissed, running a hand through his hair with his free hand. His face was twisted in fury.

Minato imagined that his own expression was, if anything, worse, if the look Kakashi was giving him was any indication. But then the white-haired ANBU looked down again, dark eyes on his teammate's face.

"…Hydrostatic shock…" Rin mumbled.

"Iruka's fine, Sensei," Kakashi added with a glance back at the boy. "Obito must have knocked him out."

"But where are his parents? And what was he doing in the Uchiha district?" Nariko asked, leaning so that the boy's head fell against her shoulder. That eye tic—the one she always had when forced to deal with dogs—was back, but much more subtle.

Kushina's expression was a mask of agony. "I…"

Minato said nothing. Obito seemed to be doing at least a little better under Rin's care, almost as though he was starting to understand what was going on again. He glanced at Sanyu, who was muttering something and had pricked the Uchiha's palm with the very end of his healing katana so that the glowing energy could affect the boy's body directly. He'd be up and about again in less than ten minutes.

When Rin looked almost ready to collapse, having exhausted her own chakra reserves to stabilize Obito and help Kushina and heal any injured shinobi she found, Minato finally ordered, "Nariko-chan, Kakashi, get them out of here."

The young ANBU nodded and the kitsune only hesitated for a moment before doing the same. Once Nariko had Rin slung over one shoulder, Iruka under her other arm, and Naruto's sling across her back, Kakashi pulled Obito's arm over his shoulders and vanished with a Shunshin.

Nariko looked back at Sanyu as the other two took off. "Hey, Sanyu-sama. I can smell Haruki's blood from here…make sure he's okay, all right?"

Sanyu nodded and, sheathing that strange katana again, took off at the same time the kitsune did.

That left Minato and Kushina alone for a moment to process everything that had happened. As shinobi, it didn't take long.

After tossing a kunai as high into the air as he could, Minato simply held his wife's hand in his. They both vanished in a brilliant yellow flash.

* * *

Uchiha District (four seconds ago):

_I…I didn't do well enough, did I?_

_He got past me._

_He __**hurt**__ them._

…_He's never going to get a chance to do it again._

Clinging to that thought, that promise, with the desperate grasp of a dying soldier, Haruki finally felt his legs give out under him. He gave a sigh, no longer caring about the black fire burning into his fur and flesh or the slashes that had exposed his innards, and died.

His youki erupted from his scorched, broken body like the flames of a funeral pyre.

The masked man stared.

And screamed in agony as the roiling energy cloud engulfed him.

* * *

Uchiha District:

Normal Rasengan were basically fist-sized balls of spinning chakra that ground their victims' bodies down before launching said target several hundred meters away. But Minato was bone-tired, furious beyond all comprehension, and absolutely determined that, _this_ time, Madara was going to die. The Rasengan forming in his right hand spun faster, faster—and then expanded by a factor of ten.

Next to him, Kushina held his left hand tightly enough that he could feel the bones press together. Though the seal for the Kyuubi was still a little weak, Rin and Sanyu had given her enough healing to allow her to get her second wind, and now it was showing as one full tail of the Kyuubi's chakra started to bleed into her system. Her expression the incarnation of rage.

Madara was already screaming before Minato slammed his Odama Rasengan squarely into the man's chest, blasting him straight up into the sky. Kushina, cloaked in the Kyuubi's chakra, vanished from his side and the chakra chains she was so famous for began to form from a mix of her own energy and the fox's.

_Just one more time._ Minato teleported.

Two hundred meters in the air, Madara suddenly felt burning chains bite into his ankles, keeping him from going any further through the air even while the largest Rasengan he had ever seen was trying to grind his bones to dust. He must have thought, _Something has to give_.

He never had another chance to mull that over, because Minato hit him with a second, even larger one. And by doing so, the blond trapped him between the most devastating non-elemental jutsu on the face of the world.

Then, just as the opposing techniques were about to explode and the Uchiha finally couldn't scream anymore, Minato felt something slide between his ribs and out his back.

_How…how did he get a sword?_

With a kodachi sticking out of his chest, Minato fell.

Not very far, though. He landed with a dull thud on Gamabunta's head, barely remembering that he'd given the secondary summoning scroll to his wife just before. Kushina was there to meet him.

So was Sanyu, and his stupid, illogical, miraculous healing sword.

* * *

Uchiha District (fifteen minutes later):

They hadn't even made it to the hospital before Obito had woken up, blinking and demanding to know what the hell Kakashi was doing using Shunshin with a passenger. After Rin followed suit, though with more politeness, all three teenagers had unanimously agreed to simply dose themselves with soldier pills and head back into the fray. Nariko was told to take Iruka and Naruto to the hospital and guard them while Team Minato joined the rescue efforts in the Uchiha district, and the kitsune agreed.

It was a wreck. Between the fire raging everywhere, the buildings that had been flattened by the backlash of the dozens of Rasengan Minato had used, the dead bodies strewn everywhere, and the many shinobi out to fight the tide of destruction, the district was in chaos.

Obito led the way to the first house the other shinobi hadn't gotten to yet. "We need to find any survivors." Obito said numbly, staring at the wreckage. "Kakashi?"

Giving him a nod, Kakashi's hands blurred through four seals—Tiger, Snake, Dragon, and Dog—and he muttered, "_Kuchiyose: Doton: Tsuiga no Jutsu!_" Cracks started to appear in the ground where Kakashi had touched it, and said cracks began to race off into the distance.

"They're probably going to be underground if they avoided the fire." Rin said quietly as they followed the eight dog summons that were racing through the earth. While Kakashi mainly used them to pin an opponent that had already injured him, letting the dogs track the enemy by the scent of their summoner's blood, there were other ways to use such a technique.

Search and rescue was less common, but no less vital.

"I think Fugaku and Mikoto had a basement." Obito said, still uncannily quiet. The dogs took a left turn and Team Minato obediently followed.

Kakashi grunted, "Then we'll start there if this doesn't work."

The dogs took a detour that went under what had once been a dango shop, and it was then that Obito finally realized where they were heading. Bull, Pakkun, Bisuke—every one of the dogs was making a beeline for a smoking ruin that had once belonged to the head of the Uchiha clan. Obito charged ahead.

The door was caved in under its own weight and the weight of the half-collapsed roof, but Obito managed to lever the window pane out just as Pakkun exploded from the ground and leapt in. One Doton jutsu from Kakashi later, and the building was being propped up by solid stone pillars. Not very well—Obito could still hear ominous creaks when he walked in and the back wall was swaying dangerously, but he didn't care.

Rin went for one of the back rooms—the master bedroom, maybe. Kakashi got his dogs to start searching for any kind of secret door or hiding place the family could have gone. Obito searched the house in a panic, calling for Mikoto, Itachi, and even that bastard Fugaku, who he had never liked but had also never wished dead. Sasuke would be with one of them, right?

"I've got a body back here." Rin announced weakly from some distance away. Obito barely heard her. "I think it's Fugaku."

So the head of the Uchiha clan—insofar as the clan even _existed_ anymore, damn that masked man—was also dead. The murderer had gotten in here, too.

Obito was so numb he hardly even registered the pang of grief. Fugaku hadn't been a _bad_ man. A bit humorless, a bit too formal for anything, and a bit too ambitious, but he hadn't _done_ anything to deserve a death that made even an experienced medic like Rin feel ill. Obito had never liked him—he'd even started to actively dislike him once he'd been unofficially kicked out of the clan—but now he was _horribly_ _dead_ and any resentment was gone.

Obito found Mikoto on the stairs. What was left of her, anyway, after the fires had gotten in the building. The entire house was similarly gutted, but there was always a chance, just a sliver of one, that someone had managed to survive.

He blinked rapidly, activating his Sharingan to help him look for clues and _not_ because he'd drown himself in tears if he didn't find something to occupy his mind, and that was when he noticed something.

Mikoto's blood wasn't pooling on the floor. It was leaking through the wooden floor to somewhere below. That meant that there was a crawl-space under the house, or a basement, and that meant survival was at least _possible_.

Obito closed his cousin's wife's eyes and murmured a quick prayer, because while Mikoto had died, there was a chance she had given her life to save her sons.

"Kakashi, get over here!" Obito shouted, searching the floor for some kind of catch—something, anything to lift a trapdoor or otherwise get below the supposed ground floor.

Kakashi arrived, as did Rin, and a trapdoor was found under the staircase. Team Minato knocked it down and descended into the darkness with Obito taking point. The Uchiha couldn't see any better than his teammates in the pitch-black of the cellar, but Rin gave him a flashlight and down they went.

The cellar smelled of mold and blood and ash, but all three of them could hear a pair of tiny breathing forms. _They're alive!_

"_Go __**away**__!_"

Something about half Obito's size cannoned into him, brandishing a blunted kunai like the ones the Academy students used during sparring. Kakashi grabbed the apparition out of instinct before it could try and go for Obito's eyes, and then stopped. He sat down, holding a sobbing, terrified five-year-old in his arms. Itachi bit and screamed for his mother, and Kakashi barely noticed.

Rin felt her heart break. She picked Itachi up and hugged him as best she could with shaking arms and tears running down her face in a stream.

Obito walked into the darkness even though Itachi was still shouting childish threats at the top of his lungs, and he came back holding a crying baby.

"_What are you doing to Otouto?_" Itachi shrieked in Rin's ear. Kakashi winced, but he didn't back away as Itachi kicked and punched to get away. Rin held onto the boy grimly. "_Give him back! Kaachan said I was gonna protect him!_"

Obito knelt next to the crying Itachi and brought the infant close enough that the boy would finally calm down. Itachi reached for his little brother and Rin finally let him go. Obito held both boys in his arms for a long moment while Itachi made sure Sasuke was unharmed.

When he finally spoke, Obito's voice was broken. "Itachi-chan, Sasuke-chan's okay. But…but your parents…"

Kakashi put a hand on his shoulder and silently led his crying teammate up the stairs.

* * *

Hokage Tower (some time later):

Much later, the full death toll finally came in.

The Uchiha clan had been destroyed, and the district annihilated by the black fire that Kushina had finally managed to put out with the strongest fire storage seal she had. Of the entire clan, with over a hundred and twenty members of all lifestyles, three had survived: Obito the pariah, and Itachi and Sasuke, once heirs-apparent to the clan head, Fugaku.

The entire council of elders—Shimura Danzo, Hitokado Homura, and Utatane Koharu—had been found dead not far from the Uchiha district. As far as anyone could tell, Madara had decided to brutally murder them simply to spite Konoha after realizing that he was going to die regardless.

More than three hundred non-Uchiha shinobi were either dead or crippled. Many of the dead were chuunin who had done their best to stop the raging fires, only to discover that the flames often refused to be put out. Hundreds of buildings had been lost and many civilians lay dead in the aftermath. ANBU had been gutted in their efforts to destroy the ultimate traitor. The Umino and Yuuhi families had been reduced to a single surviving child.

Haruki and Umeko were both dead. Nariko had sent Sanyu and Amaya back home with the bodies, refusing to leave Konoha. She threw herself into the reconstruction efforts so she could forget the pain instead.

The largest collective funeral in Konoha history took place during the sunniest day of the year, in a brutally ironic stab from the gods. Private ceremonies went on for weeks.

And yet, life moved on in its own subtle ways.

One day not long after the Uchiha clan was officially laid to rest, Kushina walked into Minato's office with Naruto on her back, slammed her hands down on the desk, and said, "I'm taking Itachi and Sasuke in."

Three weeks of outpatient care after that last lung-puncturing stab had left Minato slightly foggy on everything that had happened during Madara's attack, which was one of the primary reasons he said, "What?"

"And Iruka," she added, as though he hadn't said anything.

Minato kept his mouth shut while he tried to drag his thoughts back into some semblance of order.

While some parts of Konoha were still in absolute chaos in the wake of Madara's attack, politics hadn't so much as lurched. Or at least it seemed that way to Minato.

Within two days of the Uchiha Massacre, as it was already being called, Obito had been brought in front of the Clan Council. He was only fourteen, but he was a chuunin and in the bingo books of at least one enemy country, and that made at least a few clans wonder if he should be appointed the head of the remainder of the Uchiha clan. On the other hand, he was fourteen. Some of the other clans had wondered about the possibility of adopting the last three Uchihas. A particularly stupid representative from another family had wondered aloud if, because the rumors that the mastermind of the attack had been an Uchiha were already circulating, Obito should be punished for possibly being a conspirator in the attack.

Obito, who had been standing in the Council chamber with his two remaining cousins either clinging to his leg or in a sling on his back, had tossed a three-pronged kunai at the floor in front of him.

Minato had appeared, smiling like a cat, and all discussion had stopped dead.

Obito, despite being only a teenager, was also a chuunin. He'd been staying with Kakashi at the Hokage mansion for several months at that point. And, because Obito had two unexpected dependants to care for, Minato instantly volunteered his house and his resources to care for all three boys.

And that was that.

But not really. If Kushina was asking about taking the boys in when they already lived with them…clan politics had just gotten a lot more complicated.

And Iruka? He'd been absolutely furious at Obito for two straight weeks for something neither boy would explain, but when Minato had gotten the report about the boy's parents and their deaths…he'd understood, and he let them sort it out. Obito had exercised his rights as a clan head and requisitioned more than half of the official documents about Uchiha Madara, and then he and Iruka had spent two days going over everything they knew about the man and about that night.

It had ended with Obito getting a spectacular black eye, but they were getting along again, at least. It certainly helped that Kakashi had apparently decided to take the boy under his wing.

"Makes me glad we don't live in an apartment anymore." Minato said mildly, but he was by no means protesting. He smiled. "I'll have the paperwork drawn up."

Kushina gave a whoop of joy that rattled the windows, and then suddenly Minato was out of his seat and in the air, and he never underestimated his wife's strength ever again.

* * *

Hokage Tower (two days later):

"Wait, you wanted to stay here?"

"Yes, Minato-sama."

Minato kept silent for a moment, trying to figure out what exactly he was supposed to say. He couldn't help it.

Nariko stared levelly back.

Over the previous three weeks, the kitsune had barely spoken a civil word to anyone. She had instead volunteered for nearly every reconstruction, salvage, or body retrieval job in the entire village, often working on all three at once with the help of her version of kage bunshin. The fox was working herself into a stupor; when she wasn't working, it seemed like she'd visited every bar in the village at least twice in an attempt to drown her sorrows in sake. The villagers had actually gotten so used to the strange woman being everywhere that when she stopped showing up, some of them had actually started unofficial enquiries with the Hokage's office. That was how Minato, even as overworked and stressed as he was between the reconstruction efforts and his family and the job, had found out.

He'd gotten Hawk, who had survived Madara's attack because of Nariko's intervention, to find her. And that was how the kitsune ended up standing in front of the Hokage's desk, looking like she expected to be tossed out of the village.

Minato tried again. "You actually want to become a citizen of Konohagakure?"

"Not a citizen. More like someone with a summer home here." Nariko said after a pause, and Minato noticed that her gaze was fixed somewhere slightly to the left of his head. If she was this unwilling to make eye contact, something was wrong.

"Why? I thought your parents would be worried about you." Minato said.

Nariko winced and looked out the window. "Yeah…about that. I don't think I can face Otousan after…after that." Her voice cracked. "I sent Haru-chan and Ume-chan home for a proper funeral, but if I go back…"

Minato sighed, wondering how he was supposed to explain the entire concept to her. Her brother and sister were dead, her mother was probably still missing somewhere, and now she wanted to run away from her father, who was probably beside himself with grief? While he could see where she was coming from, it didn't change the fact that she was probably going to hurt her father worse than she ever could have possibly done otherwise, if she decided to stay away. "Nariko-chan, it might be better if you go back home for a while."

"I'm not allowed to stay?" She looked devastated.

"That's not what I said." Minato said evenly. He sighed and stood up so he could walk over to the other side of his desk. "Nariko-chan, right now you've just lost your younger brother and sister, and I can tell you're in pain. But your _father_ just lost two of his children and is on the verge of losing a third. And there is no pain like it."

The fox stared at him. Then she said, very quietly, "They nearly died, didn't they? Obito-chan, Kakashi-chan, Rin-chan…all of them?"

"Yes, they nearly did. And if they had…" Minato didn't need to explain.

"…I…I understand." Nariko's eyes were riveted to the floor. "I'm sorry I was so rude before. I just…I just don't know what to do." Tears were running down her cheeks.

"It's fine." Minato's smile was faint and sad, but it was still a smile. "Go home. See your father. Make sure he's okay. And then, when you're ready, you can still come back here. Konoha isn't going anywhere."

Nariko sniffed. "O-Okay. Thank you, really."

By the next day, she was gone.

* * *

**A/N:** And that ends the world's longest prologue. Thank you to everyone who's followed me this far!

The next chapter is an intermission and some fluff before we start getting into what the missing nail has done to canon. See you then!


	8. The Seeds of Our Future

**The Seeds of Our Future**

"_The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." _

– Eleanor Roosevelt

* * *

Namikaze Mansion (three months later):

In the four months since Madara, the village had finally mostly calmed down again. No one was as completely content as before, of course—scars didn't fade quickly and, even with genin being sent to work on the construction sites, progress could be sluggish—but it was getting better. It had helped that the Hokage had finally announced the birth of his son.

For Team Minato, the world had turned again. This time, it was mostly because Kushina had basically adopted Iruka, Itachi, and Sasuke. It wasn't really an official thing—the clan heads would have never stood for even the Hokage actually _adopting_ clan members (not that Iruka would have changed his family name anyway), but all three boys were listed on the records as dependants of the Namikaze estate and as far as the legal department was concerned, that was that. So were Obito, Kakashi, and Rin, but that was a _team_ thing and nobody with any sense would touch _that_.

And somehow, despite being a chuunin who worked at the hospital most of the time, Rin had gotten drafted as Kushina's go-to babysitter. Iruka was her backup.

Naruto seemed to latch onto him whenever Kushina wasn't around, usually holding his fingers in a tiny deathgrip, and the scar-nosed genin never seemed to know what to do when that happened. But at least he liked the little blond enough not to struggle too hard to get away.

"You're dealing with this pretty well." Rin remarked to Iruka, watching Sasuke wiggle around on the floor. For a seven-month-old, he was pretty fat. It made him cuter.

"Um, thanks." Iruka replied awkwardly as Naruto chewed on his hair. He still wasn't sure how the babies had managed to get the hair tie out or make him lie down on the nursery rug, but they had. "I've done a lot of D-ranks before this…"

"Consider this an extended C-rank." Rin said, reaching down to make sure Sasuke hadn't rolled over on his pacifier. "I mean, Naruto-chan is Sensei's kid. Something's going to go wrong."

"But he's the Yondaime Hokage!" Iruka protested. "No one in Konoha would do anything to Naruto-chan."

"Yeah, and outside of it? Sensei's a pretty big deal over in Iwa and Kumo." Rin tickled Sasuke's foot, making him shriek with laughter. "Something could happen. And that's why we're here."

Iruka said nothing, staring at the tiny baby who was trying to eat his hair. Then at the little black-haired baby who was giggling and grabbing his toes, who might eventually develop the Sharingan. Naruto and Sasuke were absolutely adorable, completely innocent, and probably the highest-priority targets on Iwa's hit-list. Assuming they knew about them, anyway.

And they expected a genin and a medic-nin to be the last line of defense?

Downstairs, someone managed to slam the front door while opening it. "Rin-chan, Iruka-kun, I brought ramen!"

Rin and Iruka exchanged looks. It was nice to know that the former pariah of the Uchihas never changed. Still…

"What happened on the mission to Kusa?" Rin shouted back.

"Nariko got stabbed a bunch of times, Kakashi had an epiphany about teamwork, and Sensei killed everyone else!" Obito replied from the kitchen. "I got you vegetable broth ramen, like you asked."

"It's him." Rin said with a smile. "Come on, you grab Naruto-chan. Might as well get the newest Namikaze addicted to ramen."

"Where's Itachi?" Iruka asked as they trooped down the stairs and toward food. Obito and Rin got both babies in their high chairs as Iruka grabbed the chopsticks from the cabinet. Iruka was setting out the utensils by the time Rin managed to get the ramen away from Obito, though.

"He's hanging out with Tsume's kids, Hana and Kiba. Kuromaru's with them." Obito replied. He grinned. "Would you believe Tsume actually thinks our little weasel's cute?"

"He _is_." Rin said with a giggle. "At least we know he's safe with the Inuzuka clan."

"No kidding. Who wants to be ripped apart by ninken?" Iruka asked rhetorically. "So, when do you want me to pick him up?"

"Can you go grab him around four?"

"Yeah. My team's not training today. Koi got sick and Takomi-sensei has a mission. And Mizuki's annoying."

Obito slurped noodles and they got no more out of him for the rest of the meal. Rin and Iruka took care of giving both babies their bottles. Kakashi might have arrived at some point, but no one was all that sure.

But when Iruka went to collect Itachi from the Inuzuka clan (to find the boy smelling strongly of dog), he was sure there was a silver-haired ANBU following his every move.

* * *

Hokage Tower (three years later):

In the Hokage's office, the delegation from Kumogakure was starting to get nervous.

By all rights, they shouldn't have been. In the corner of the Hokage's office, there was a little blond child pulling a black-haired woman's braids and complaining about a stuffed frog, which she had hidden behind her back. A woman with long red hair and violet eyes was sitting on the edge of the Hokage's desk. The silver-haired ANBU by the window was buffing his nails against his shirt, obviously not very concerned. The Hokage was smiling pleasantly.

And yet, everyone there could feel the temperature in the room drop by twenty degrees when the ambassador asked about the traditional meetings between new diplomats and the heads of all the clans in Konoha.

The Hokage was Namikaze Minato, who had once killed a hundred men in a single battle and walked away to do it again five minutes later. His wife was Uzumaki Kushina, who had been kidnapped by Kumo when she was fourteen and had become one of the most powerful kunoichi in the world since then. The other two in the room were unknown factors, but if the black-haired woman was allowed into a supposedly classified meeting, there was probably quite a bit more to her than appearances suggested. And the ANBU? ANBU were always dangerous. The last occupant of the room was the least intimidating physically, but anyone with any sense knew who he was: the Hokage's son and the most well-guarded child in the entire world. Iwa had lost Kage-level shinobi while going after him.

Between the boy's parents and his babysitters, the Kumo ambassador could see why.

The Hokage was still smiling, but the ANBU finally looked up and the black-haired woman turned away from her little blond charge.

"Ah, yes," the Hokage said. "Nariko-san, could you show them around?"

"Yes, Hokage-sama." The black-haired woman stood up, pulling a sheaf of papers out of thin air and handing the entire stack to her Kumo counterpart. "This is the schedule agreed upon by the clan heads."

The ambassador looked it over. Aburame, Akimichi… "The Uchiha clan is missing from this list."

The woman's expression betrayed nothing, except maybe the fact that she'd seen his eyes light up when he saw the Hyuuga clan symbol come up. "Unfortunately, Uchiha-sama has a full schedule this week and has requested that the meeting takes place next Tuesday."

"I see," said the ambassador, though he really didn't. What could possibly be more important than meeting the representative of Kumogakure?

No one in the room mentioned the fact that Obito was busy going insane with worry since Sasuke was stuck at the house with a fever, even though Rin assured him it was just the flu. The Kumo ambassador apparently hadn't been informed that the new head of the Uchiha clan was seventeen, a new jounin, and was about as diplomatic as a brick to the head. Nobody was in a particular hurry to correct that little misconception. Obito wouldn't have cared anyway.

"Well, if everything's settled here, we should head out." Nariko said brightly, bouncing in place a little.

…Why was she the only person in the room who wore socks?

"You forgot something, Nariko-san," the Hokage said before the assembly left.

The black-haired woman paused and turned, as did the Kumogakure ambassador. The Hokage stood. So did Uzumaki, and she picked the little blond boy up. For a moment, the world seemed to freeze and the Kumo ambassador's stomach was a bubbling pit of dread.

"What is it, Hokage-sama?" Nariko asked.

The Hokage, Konoha's Yellow Flash and the most dangerous man alive, let his killing intent flare. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do, Nariko-san." He handed her a three-pronged kunai, which she held in her hands as though she was a child with a brand-new toy.

"Ooooh, shiny." Nariko cooed, apparently oblivious to the danger while the Kumo congregation was trying not to let their fear show. "Thank you very much, Hokage-sama!"

"You're welcome." And the Hokage's guards ushered the entire group out.

Once they were all gone, Kakashi said, "Sensei, sometimes you scare me."

"Touchan's funny." Naruto chirped, waving a tiny fist for emphasis.

Kushina giggled. "You're only saying that because he was mad at someone else for a change, Naruto-chan."

"Touchan's _not_ scary." Naruto insisted.

Kakashi disagreed.

* * *

Hyuuga Compound:

"I don't trust him." Nariko whispered to Hizashi while the man's twin brother spoke to the Kumo-nin. "Cyclops-kun's going to backstab us so fast it'll make Hiashi's head spin even with his Byakugan active. _Even with the Kaiten_. Just so you know."

"I don't doubt it." Hizashi said. He didn't give any sign of how much he wanted to just slam a chakra-infused strike through the man's heart, though. He sighed. "After Kushina-sama told us about that time Minato-sama had to rescue her from Kumo-nin when we were chuunin, I would rather not deal with them at all. Hiashi-sama feels much the same way."

"Good." Nariko didn't comment on the fact that Hizashi called his brother "-sama," even though most of the Hyuugas knew that she disapproved of the practice. "He's a shifty bastard."

"Yes. He's spending far too much time eyeing Hinata-sama." Hizashi remarked quietly. "I'll be sure to let Hiashi-sama know."

Nariko nodded. "I'll be wandering around tonight in case something happens."

"Thank you, Nariko-san." Hizashi said sincerely, though he wasn't sure that there would actually be a problem so soon. It was possible, yes, but it seemed unlikely…then again, at least she'd promised.

"No problem, Hizashi-sama." Nariko gave him a grin and a bit of a salute before running off to trail the Kumo delegation like a good sycophant. Hizashi just shook his head as her voice drifted on the wind.

"So, I think you're _totally_ a lucky bastard 'cause you didn't get threatened. I did. Minato-sama would have said he'd have beaten you to death with your spine or something if you did something stupid. Well, if Kushina-sama didn't get there first. She really doesn't like Kumo much, y'know. How old are you, anyway?"

The ambassador groaned at the woman's endless stream of chatter. "Not this again!"

Hizashi and Hiashi shared a laugh before ushering Hinata back into the clan compound. The Branch guards would be _very_ vigilant that night.

* * *

Konoha Academy:

"Itachi, you got everything you need?"

"I think so, Obito-nii."

"Cool. It's going to be dinnertime by the time we get home. Kushina-neechan says she made all your favorites."

"That sounds good, Obito-nii."

Obito had stopped being an assistant teacher at the Academy at about the time he'd started to outrank or overpower most of the actual teachers. Some white-haired brat named Mizuki had taken over for him and Obito couldn't say he liked the kid much. He was like an anti-Iruka or something. Where Iruka could be kind of strict but had the world's biggest soft spot for Itachi, Naruto, and Sasuke, Mizuki was sort of like a snowball with a rock in it: relatively soft and harmless on the outside, but with hidden danger inside.

Or it could just be that Obito had noticed that Mizuki was a weird cross between a bully and a best friend to Iruka, and he'd found it slightly worrying even when both boys had still been Academy students together. At least now Iruka could latch onto Kakashi instead.

Granted, though, the seventeen-year-old ANBU didn't exactly have a whole lot of spare time. Obito stepped in where he could.

Obito paused, watching someone with a Kumo headband and a lot of head bandages walk up the street. He was accompanied by Nariko, who was happily chattering his ear off and quite possibly giving the man a massive headache.

Perhaps it wasn't fair to Kumogakure, but Obito hadn't liked Kumo-nin since the damn war had ended. Sure, Kakashi had ripped some of their best techniques off them and adapted them for use with a tanto, and Minato had pretty much massacred them more than once, but there were some things the Uchiha still just wasn't comfortable with.

And the pair was heading straight for Obito and Itachi, and, for better or for worse, both of them were wearing the Uchiha clan symbol on their jackets. Obito _really_ didn't want to talk to a foreign shinobi about it. He'd had enough of politics.

Itachi tugged on his sleeve and Obito looked down at his eight-year-old prodigy of a cousin. Staring nearly straight up to meet Obito's eyes, Itachi said, "Is it all right if we head straight home? I'm worried about Otouto."

…Was Itachi giving him the puppy-dog look? Yes, yes he was.

"Sure thing, Itachi-chan," the older Uchiha said. He took his cousin's hand and took a right turn at the nearest street corner to avoid the Kumo-nin, which happened to lead them out of the market district. "Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I made genin?"

Itachi's eyes went wide—while he was a prodigy, he was also eight years old and had just made genin and that meant that there were still _some_ things Obito could teach him. Like how horrible genin-hood could be. "What happened when you made genin, Obito-nii?"

"Well, Sensei told us to meet him at the training field by the memorial stone…"

* * *

Konoha Marketplace:

"Those were Uchiha, weren't they?" the Kumo ambassador said, frowning. "They were avoiding us."

"Hm?" At some point between them entering the market and walking about ten meters, Nariko had picked up a stick of dango and was happily devouring it. "What, those two? What about them?"

"You mentioned that the head of the Uchiha clan was too busy to deal with Kumogakure," he said. "Is there a particular reason why I can't speak to the clan members?"

"It's kind of rude." Nariko informed him. "And anyway, I know that guy. He doesn't like Kumo much and he might start something."

"What's his name?" he asked.

"Uchiha Obito. As in, 'Copy-nin Obito' and 'Sharingan Obito,'" she replied. Somehow, she had managed to finish her dango and was chewing on the stick. "He's a nice guy, really."

The Kumo-nin paused. He was fairly certain that there were horror stories being told in Iwa about a monster with the Sharingan who could have you dead on the floor before you could breathe. The Copy-nin had been deployed less and less since the end of the Third Great Shinobi War, but when he was, he usually was paired with Konoha's White Wolf, and together the two were a perfect assassination team. But where was the other one?

"So, Kumo-san, how long have you been a diplomat?" Nariko asked, startling him out of his thoughts.

He thought about it. "I was appointed ambassador to Konoha three months ago, though I have worked with several countries before this."

"Like Iwa and Kiri?" Nariko snapped the dango skewer between her teeth.

"Yes, like those." The Kumo-nin began to wonder exactly how well-informed his counterpart was. It was getting eerie. "And you?"

"I've been the appointed ambassador to Konoha for three years. Though I hung out around here before then." Nariko's eye twitched as they passed an Inuzuka and his canine partner. "Hokage-sama sent me home to complete my training with my family, and when I came back, I was an ambassador."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah." And that seemed to be the end of the discussion.

"You're not very diplomatic," the Kumo-nin commented.

"Same to you." Nariko replied.

The ambassador decided to change the subject. "Where are you from? Kusa?"

"Further north."

"Yuki?"

"Not _that_ far north."

"Iwa?"

"No."

"Could you please give me a straight answer?" the Kumo ambassador finally demanded. No one could blame him for losing his temper with Nariko when she was in a contrary mood. A miko would have already slapped her upside the head.

Nariko shrugged. "I don't actually know what it's _called_ in the shinobi countries. I want to say Byakko, though. It's our sacred constellation and how we identify ourselves to other people in our homeland."

Byakko—a western constellation of a white tiger. The Kumo-nin frowned. "Your people named their country after _stars_?"

"And yours named their political entities after elements, plants, weather, geography, and rocks. I don't see what's so weird." Nariko said blithely. She seemed slightly irritated. "We're us, you're them, end of story."

"Not a very diplomatic mindset," the Kumo-nin commented.

Nariko snorted. "Oh, who asked you? Come on, we have to see the Nara clan before Shikaku falls asleep and cancels the meeting."

She paused, slowed so that she was standing slightly behind him, and then started pushing him along the street like a reluctant bridegroom, with him digging his heels in and finding that there was just enough traction to make sure he didn't fall, but not enough to get her to stop.

If anyone on the street noticed the bloody thumbprint she'd left on the back of his flak jacket's shoulder pad when she finally let him walk normally, no one spoke up.

* * *

Konoha General (that night):

The emergency room was surprisingly bare that night. Only one man was in the cordoned-off bed, and no one cared about him all that much. They were much more interested in making sure the little Hyuuga heiress he'd almost kidnapped was all right.

And discussing the circumstances surrounding his capture in such a way that he'd never recover from the shame.

"You hit him with a genjutsu?" In spite of himself, Kakashi sounded slightly impressed behind his mask. But only slightly.

"Fox-magic." Nariko corrected automatically. "And there's nothing else that leaves your enemy physically unharmed but a drooling vegetable, is there?"

"Yeah, yeah." Obito rolled his eyes at her snippy reply. She'd brag for a bit, but it would only last until the next time she got caught up in a Team Minato sparring match. Or the next time she had to watch Naruto and Sasuke.

Hiashi was holding onto his daughter as though he'd never, ever let her go, and not even Rin could pry her loose, even to perform a diagnostic test. Eventually, the medic gave up. "Hyuuga-sama, do you see anything wrong?"

"No." Hiashi said tersely. Hizashi gave his nonverbal agreement.

The aforementioned drooling vegetable was all that was left of the Kumo ambassador after Nariko's blood-mediated illusion had cut off his mind's connection to his body. According to her, she'd made it so that he imagined himself carrying Hinata off to Kumo, but his body simply wasn't responding to any of those thoughts. Sure, he'd probably come out of it just fine once the kitsune felt like being nice, but by then he'd already be Ibiki's newest guest.

"Did he try going after anyone else?" Kakashi asked.

"Well, he might have hinted that he'd go after Itachi or maybe a different Hyuuga, but not really." Nariko said. "His escort's already in front of Minato-sama, anyway."

"…Are we actually _allowed_ to hand this guy over to Ibiki?" Rin asked in a whisper as they vacated the Hyuugas' presence. "I mean, he's a diplomat."

"Not for long." Obito replied bluntly. "Hiashi's already less than three seconds from Jyuken-ing him to horrible death, and that's nothing compared to what Sensei and Kushina-neechan will do."

"I'd agree with them." Nariko put in, frowning. "Regardless of who he is, nobody gets away with kidnapping a little girl."

"We're bringing him to Ibiki." Kakashi said firmly. "At least in Torture and Interrogation, it's only a _reasonable_ chance of death instead of a certain one. And they have actual holding cells. _And_ we get plausible deniability if he actually manages to die."

"How is death by torture 'plausible deniability'?" Obito had to ask.

"No, death by natural causes." Kakashi said, and he might have been smiling. "Because it's perfectly normal to die of a broken neck."

_ANBU humor_. They _really_ needed to get Kakashi out of there.

Rin sighed. "Sounds better than getting a Jyuken strike to the face, at least."

Obito had apparently thought of someplace else it would hurt to get hit, because he winced.

Even the fox still argued that they should hand the man over to Hiashi and Hizashi to take his well-earned beating, Kakashi and Obito eventually managed to convince her to instead carry the man to Ibiki's doorstep. Obito and Kakashi didn't want to carry him because neither of them had the youkai's enhanced strength and the entire process would have been a chore (though they _could_ have done it), and Rin avoided the task by virtue of being a medic.

Nariko swore revenge. She still dragged the man the entire way, though.

Ibiki's assistant Mitarashi Anko took one look at the new victim, paused, and then smiled one of the most infectious and insane smiles in existence.

* * *

Training Ground 21 (one month later):

_WHAM_. "Aargh!"

Gai bounced to and fro around the half-destroyed training field, absolutely ecstatic to have someone finally join him in at least one of his training routines. "YOSH, IRUKA-KUN, YOU ARE SHOWING THE POWER OF _YOUTH_!"

"…I think my spine is broken…" said the fourteen-year-old in the center of the most recent crater, not even trying to move.

Obito, sitting in a tree several dozen meters away, shouted, "No pain, no gain, Iruka!"

"Aniki, if you don't shut up right now I'll go over there and _make_ you shut up!" Iruka roared back, even over the sound of Gai punching a training dummy in his direction. Holy crap, that kid could be _loud_. "And don't think I can't!"

"And this is coming from the kid who still hasn't made chuunin yet?" Obito retorted cheerfully. It was still fun to rile him up, though Obito knew he'd be paying for it later. Probably in the form of damaged eardrums.

"It's not my fault I didn't get promoted during a _war_!" Iruka snapped. He stood shakily, trying to dust himself off even though it sure looked like he'd managed to accumulate a lot more on his clothes than dust. Like blood, sweat, chunks of rock, and little kunai fragments from the one explosive tag that had been thrown. He didn't make it up all the way and collapsed on an overturned boulder. "_Ow_."

Okay, maybe the time for being the audience was over. Obito leapt off the tree branch and off several patches of solid ground before coming to a stop next to the exhausted genin. He sat back on his heels, watching Iruka swear profusely under his breath for a minute or two, and said, "You still up for ninjutsu training?"

"_Anything_ to get out of here. If I'd known that this was your idea of training for the Chuunin Exams, I'd have stayed with Takomi-sensei." Iruka muttered, taking Obito's offered hand. "Let's go to the lake."

"Sure. Hey, Gai, we'll see you later. Same time next week?" Obito called, dragging Iruka to his feet.

"Of course, my most youthful Uchiha eternal rival!" Gai said brightly, waving them off. "And if I am late, I will do one thousand sit-ups!"

"I'll hold you to that!" Obito waved back and used Shunshin to get himself and Iruka as far away from the green apparition as possible. Sure, he liked Gai, but there was only so much of the crazed taijutsu expert that anyone could take. How he had gotten himself declared the man's backup eternal rival, though, not even he knew.

They landed by the lake about four seconds later.

Iruka did the best thing possible and dove in without even stopping to take off his sandals. The boy could move like a fish sometimes. Obito just sat by the shore, skipping rocks, and waited for the genin to be less…sore, injured, beaten, or whatever other adjectives applied today.

"Ow!" Iruka yelped.

Okay, so maybe skipping rocks wasn't the best possible idea at the moment. "Sorry!"

Iruka grumbled something inaudible and dove.

Correction: the boy swam like a _dolphin_. He could hold his breath longer than any shinobi Obito had ever met and still fight better than most chuunin underwater. And as far as Obito and Rin could tell, he was a natural at Suiton of all levels. If he'd been born in Kiri (disregarding the massacre problems they seemed to have all the time), he would have probably already been a chuunin at this point.

"Hey, do you know Suiton: Suiryuudan?" Obito asked, perfectly confident that Iruka could hear him despite being underwater. He'd done it before, after all.

The genin popped up about five meters from the shore, saying, "I think so?"

"Let's see it, then." Obito ordered, for once slipping back into his stern teacher mode. It hadn't happened since Iruka had graduated from the Academy, and yet the younger teenager still listened.

Iruka walked across the top of the water (another skill he was generally better than most people at) and, upon reaching the shore, sat next to Obito with a sort of squelching sound. There was a bit of pause while he pulled off his sandals, and shook the water out of them. His feet ended up in the water again, though. He glanced at Obito. "So, it goes…"

"All forty-four hand seals," the Uchiha reminded him.

"Yeah, yeah," Iruka grumbled.

For a genin, Iruka was _ridiculously_ good at hand seals. Sure, he had the chakra reserves of a one-trick kunoichi, but he more than made up for it with control. It gave him some creative options. His hands actually _blurred_, even to Obito's enhanced Sharingan sight.

And for some reason, Iruka only ever needed to perform half the number of normally-required hand seals while using his water affinity. It happened with Obito and fire and Kakashi and lightning (except he could pull off about half of his Raiton techniques without any hand seals at all), too. It didn't hurt to stay in practice, though.

Iruka brought his hands together for the final time and murmured, "Suiton: Suiryuudan no Jutsu!"

Out on the surface of the lake, something huge began to stir. A whirlpool seemed to be forming in the middle and the water began to twist and surge oddly. Then a ten-meter waterspout shot straight up and twisted and then it was a _dragon_ made of water. The creature wavered back and forth, apparently looking for a target, and then shot directly for Obito.

Iruka's grin reminded Obito of Kushina, after a particularly good prank had been pulled off.

"Oh, you little _brat_." Obito was already on his feet and performing hand seals as fast as he could. But since there was no beating a Suiton technique when they were practically sitting on a lake and Obito's affinity was fire…he changed mental gears and ricocheted off a tree to buy enough time. "Eat explosive tag, you overgrown lizard!"

And he threw the tagged kunai directly into the dragon's mouth.

_BOOM_.

* * *

Hokage Tower (three _more_ years later):

There really was no helping it. In the face of the newest revelation, Kakashi gaped. "I'm _fired_?"

"Think of it as a forced retirement." Minato said, working through the mountains of paperwork with a rubber stamp and four kage bunshin. "You've been in ANBU for what…six years now? Since you were fourteen? And you've been a captain since sixteen?"

"I'm not missing any _limbs_, Sensei." Kakashi felt that he had to point this out. Generally, ANBU either retired because they physically couldn't continue their jobs, because they'd gone insane, or because they were slightly too dead to go on. Not because their former jounin-sensei was very firmly telling them that they couldn't work. This didn't exactly have a precedent. And anyway, Kakashi was nearly twenty-one years old. He could make his _own_ decisions, dammit! "Did I fail my last psych evaluation?'

"No." Minato replied.

"Sensei's just worried you'll go nuts sometime before Naruto graduates from the Academy." Obito put in, and Kakashi glared at him. Seriously, what was he even doing in the meeting room? "It'd be a waste of a jounin-sensei."

"I'm not good with kids." Kakashi said immediately.

"But this is _Naruto_." Obito said.

He _did_ kind of have a point. Naruto and Sasuke weren't too bad, for pre-genin demon-spawn…

"Then what are you doing?" Kakashi demanded. "Your brats already made chuunin!"

"Well, Hakuto and Akai said they were going to volunteer as chuunin proctors for the next Chuunin Exam, and Momoiro was being scouted by Torture and Interrogation. Anko thinks his name is funny." Obito said dismissively. "But since I'm still on a team with them, I won't be taking on any genin unless they all drop dead."

"Pinky's going into T and I and you _still_ can't take on students?" Kakashi said incredulously.

"Nope." Obito said cheerfully. "And you _know_ Sensei wants one of us to take the kids on. There's no way Sasuke and Naruto aren't ending up on the same team, and with Rin at the hospital and me otherwise occupied, that leaves you."

"Is that the entire reason I have to leave ANBU?" Kakashi still wasn't enthusiastic about the change.

"We _do_ worry about your sanity sometimes, Kakashi." Minato said dryly. "Even if you don't."

"I'm fine." Kakashi insisted.

"You nearly stabbed Itachi when he tried to wake you up for a mission after your alarm clock didn't go off." Obito said.

"That was only one time!"

Minato chuckled. "Actually, the incident report said three. All you did was make my point for me. Kakashi, you're officially retired as of noon today."

Kakashi didn't actually _like_ ANBU. Only the bloodthirsty bastards _liked_ being the village's black ops squad, where you were sometimes called upon to do everything your village couldn't be seen committing. But where Obito was used to being a jounin-sensei and had been conditioned since chuunin-hood to be tolerant of children, Kakashi was equally used to being a deadly silver-topped tool rather than a person. And that was really his main sticking point.

Kakashi, for all his genius, didn't know how to be a normal human being.

Obito grabbed his arm and dragged him out to a bar before his thoughts could get any more convoluted.

Much later, after three bowls of miso soup and enough alcohol to put down a civilian, Kakashi felt considerably less lucid and probably friendlier. Maybe. ANBU-friendly was probably a little different than normal, though. Maybe just a senbon in the leg rather than a kunai?

"Hi, guys!"

Kakashi blinked and suddenly Nariko was there, grinning like a particularly satisfied cat. "Whuh?"

Nariko paused, glancing at Obito. Then she looked back at Kakashi, leaned in, and gave him a very odd look. Something rectangular and orange was sticking out of the sash at her waist. "Are you drunk?"

"No," he said, but she didn't look like she believed him. "I don't drink."

"Uh-huh," she said. She patted his shoulder.

"I don't!" But he was slumping in his seat and that didn't exactly inspire confidence.

"Nariko, what's that?" Obito asked, pointing at the strange object that, for whatever reason, Kakashi couldn't identify.

"This?" Nariko pulled it out. It was orange, a rectangle, and was tied with a stupid-looking red bow. She slid it across the countertop. "This is a present for Kakashi-chan."

"A book?" Obito snatched it before the inebriated ex-ANBU could pull the ribbon off. "You're kidding me. You got him _Icha-Icha Paradise_? The _signed_ version?"

"I asked around." Nariko said, shrugging. "Sarutobi-sama said they were very popular, so I figured it couldn't really go wrong as far as a 'welcome to the rest of the human race' present goes."

"…I knew he was a pervert." Obito muttered while massaging his temples. He handed the book back to his teammate. "They actually let you out of the store with that?"

"It might say adults-only and I might not have I.D., but I have big boobs. The clerk guessed I was old enough." Nariko said. She quirked one of her weird tiny eyebrows. "And I am, unless suddenly three hundred and four is the new eighteen?"

Obito rolled his eyes. "I just wouldn't expect it from anyone with two X chromosomes. Even _Anko_ hates this stuff! Not to mention that signed copies are stupidly expensive…"

"Then it's lucky for Kakashi and his nonexistent libido that I have the social graces of a caffeinated squirrel and a bigger bank account than most chuunin." Nariko said, deadpan. "I mean, I actually get paid for being a diplomat. Can you believe it?"

Obito and Nariko looked over to Kakashi, who had been staring blankly at the book in his hands for slightly too long. By the time they'd gotten halfway into their debate, he normally would have jumped in with a quick, biting comment. Instead, his train of thought seemed to have stalled somewhere between the thinking and speaking components.

Then, after a moment, Kakashi said blearily, "How is it that everyone knew Sensei was gonna retire me _except me_?"

…That was a very good question. Nariko and Obito exchanged glances.

"Well, Nariko doesn't count as 'everyone'." Obito said defensively. "Sensei might have mentioned it over dinner a couple of times…starting a few years ago…"

Kakashi groaned and let his head hit the countertop.

"I'd suggest reading the book, but I guess you're more in the mood to murder me and Obito." Nariko said mildly. "So, I'll be going now."

She was gone in two shakes of her currently-nonexistent tails.

"Why aren't you leavin'?" Kakashi asked Obito, who was drumming his fingers on his crossed arms, still on the stool next to his friend.

Obito held up two fingers. "Two reasons: One, you're gonna be too drunk to walk in a straight line pretty soon, regardless of whatever you had in your stomach before. Two…you do realize you've had your mask down this entire time, right?"

"_What_."

Obito indicated the waitress, who was openly swooning. He grinned. "And I have a camera at Sensei's house."

"…Bastard." And yet Kakashi didn't move.

About an hour later, Obito ordered two more bottles of sake to take home. It turned out that, despite being shorter, the Uchiha could indeed drink his friend under the table (given a decent handicap, anyway). He ended up pulling Kakashi's mask back up before hauling the unconscious ex-ANBU back to Minato's house to sleep it off.

_Hooray for cameras!_

It would take several more months for Kakashi to finally agree with Obito that, just maybe, having minions—wait, no,_ students—_could actually be pretty fun. And that was when the photos started circulating.

* * *

Kirigakure no Sato (an unknown number of years later):

_BOOM. _Smoke billowed from the wreckage, and little bits of fragmented pottery showered both hapless Kiri-nin. Outside, the ever-present mist gave a lurch around the expanding cloud of hot air and several Kiri ANBU approached the site of the explosion.

And in the midst of all the chaos, a voice was shouting, "After twelve goddamn years in a goddamn tea kettle, I'm free! I'm free, I'm free—oh, dammit."

The smoke cleared, revealing a black-haired woman with bright red eyes, dressed from head to toe in heavy armor. She leaned over both stunned Kiri-nin, idly holding the shaft of a huge halberd against her shoulder. She had a frown on her face, probably because she was surrounded on all sides by hostile shinobi with lots of shiny weaponry.

"Hi. I'm Souten. Who the hell are you?" And despite the kunai and senbon and half a dozen other kinds of weapons, her frown had inverted and she was smiling like a madwoman. And those teeth were _sharp_.

Utakata's sensei turned to him and said in a low, dangerous voice, "Utakata-kun, what. The hell. Did. You. _Do_?"

The Rokubi jinchuuriki could only shrug helplessly.

* * *

**A/N:** And this is about when the original plot of _Naruto_ starts showing up. See you next chapter, wherein the butterfly effect starts showing off the even bigger changes. ;D

Also, Iruka's sensei and teammates are totally made up, except for Mizuki. I only guessed that Mizuki might have been on his genin team. But since his name and Iruka's are water-based, so are their sensei (Takomi = octopus) and third teammate (Koi = the fish). Likewise, Obito's team has their own theme—they're all named after colors. Akai is red, Hakuto is white, and poor Momoiro is pink. Too bad for him. I'm pretty much going to do this to every implied-but-not-actually shown character in the entire series.

Also, I'm of the opinion that Kakashi, when drunk, acts a lot like a _Discworld_ City Watch guard. Vertical to horizontal with the least amount of fuss. :D


	9. One Way Forward

**One Way Forward**

_For want of a nail, the shoe was lost;  
For want of a shoe, the horse was lost;  
For want of a horse, the rider was lost;  
For want of a rider, the message was lost;  
For want of the message, the battle was lost;  
For want of a battle, the kingdom was lost,  
And all for the want of a horseshoe nail._

* * *

**A/N:** Alternately, for want of a Kaiju attack, Konoha turned out pretty okay.

* * *

In many ways, Konohagakure was utterly unique. It might have been the presence of the various clans—the mysterious Aburame, the savage Inuzuka, the regal Hyuuga, and the three clans that made up the winning hand on the battlefield. It might have been the Hokage monument and the spectacular view a visitor could see from the top of it. Or perhaps the hundreds of thousands of looming trees, the product of the Shodai's power.

"Bet you can't catch me!"

Or maybe it was the colorful population.

The main difference between a shinobi village and a civilian one is simple—one has a military force inherent in its design, and the other does not.

One of the secondary differences between Konohagakure and an ordinary ninja village is this: nowhere else in the world would a twelve-year-old paint graffiti all over a national monument, lead the local chuunin on a merry chase, and yet somehow still get away to taunt them again later. Then again, most villages didn't have anything like the Hokage monument, and none of them had Namikaze Naruto.

Then again, they didn't have Umino Iruka, the world's most put-upon chuunin, either.

Iruka, age twenty-three and feeling nearly three times that, hauled the boy out of his hiding place by the collar of his jacket and said, "Naruto, do you really have to do this _every_ year?"

Naruto managed to worm his way out of his jacket and walk by Iruka's side, staying within reach in case the chuunin lost patience with him. If the Academy teacher was a menace at close range, long range made him nearly impossible to get away from. There was something wrong with that thought, though Naruto wasn't quite sure what it was. "Of course I do! Touchan and Kaachan always get so gloomy around now. So I figure giving them something to laugh at might help."

"It was a dark day for Konoha, Naruto." Iruka said, and Naruto saw his teacher and surrogate older brother grimace at a memory. He always did. "But I guess you have at least part of the right idea…except for the fact that you skipped class to do it. Again."

"Oh, come on!" Naruto groaned. "You know I clean everything up eventually anyway. And the only thing in the entire course I can't get down is a freaking bunshin!"

Iruka raised an eyebrow at him. "Ramen."

Naruto stopped complaining instantly, making a zipping motion across his mouth. But no one in the world could have missed the boy's satisfied smile.

Not for the first time, Iruka wondered if he'd created a monster.

* * *

Sasuke barely reacted as Naruto was escorted into the room by a rather frustrated Iruka. He'd hardly moved at all since the chuunin had left the classroom ten minutes earlier to find the mischievous blond, apparently spending most of his time listening to Mizuki as the white-haired man tried to carry on the original lecture. Not that it worked—the kids in the class had long since figured out that Mizuki had about as much spine as a jellyfish. Iruka was the terrifying one, and without him the class had happily carried on chatting amongst themselves.

Sasuke propped his head up on his right arm and gave the blond what seemed to be a disapproving look. Only if you didn't know him, anyway. Oh, sure, Sasuke had been about half a second from throwing himself out of his chair in order to get away from Sakura and Ino and all his other fangirls, but that would have been even more embarrassing than what Naruto did next. So, he stopped himself and decided to watch the show.

Naruto bounced right onto the desk, neatly escaping Iruka's wrath and landing well within Sasuke's personal space bubble, and sat down, grinning brightly at both girls. "Hey, Sakura-chan, will you go on a date with me?"

The blond was covered in paint from his most recent escapade, he was an obnoxious little snot sometimes, and now he was standing between her and her crush.

"No way!" Sakura shouted, backing up so quickly that she actually knocked Ino over.

Naruto brushed off the rejection without even a twinge. "Suit yourself, Sakura-chan!"

"PIPE DOWN AND _GET BACK TO YOUR SEATS_!" Iruka roared, and everyone scrambled to obey. Even Mizuki quailed at his fellow teacher's wrath. Sasuke tried his best not to smirk too obviously.

With that, the pair of chuunin at the front of the classroom began the lesson again, as though nothing at all had happened. Well, Iruka did. "So you see, class, that's why you need to take wind speed and angle into account…"

Naruto, giving Iruka a brief slit-eyed glare while he thought the man wasn't watching, grumbled and pulled his book bag out from under his desk.

Sasuke leaned over to him and whispered, "Thanks, Naruto."

Naruto grinned behind his book. "Anytime, Sasuke."

"Are we still on for next Wednesday's chaos?" Sasuke asked,

"We've got enough glitter and silly string for three clan compounds. Touchan couldn't confiscate _her_ stash without getting punched." Naruto paused, thinking that over. "And even if we did manage to run out, Obito-nii probably hid more around the village. Do you know where the catnip is?"

"I've got the catnip in the basement. And it's nice to know Kaachan still rules the house." Sasuke remarked, smiling faintly. "It's too bad I can't help."

"Nope. We've got to preserve that pristine Uchiha pride." Naruto said. "But we'll be sure to put up a few designs in your honor. Any requests?"

"Tomatoes?" Sasuke suggested. "That way everyone assumes it was Kaachan."

"Okay." Naruto scribbled something in the corner of his book. "That leaves me enough time to go out to Ichiraku's with Iruka-nii and still get all the other stuff by tomorrow."

"You've been doing this for years and they've _never_ caught you before?" Sasuke said disbelievingly.

"Nope!" Naruto said cheerfully, even though he'd spent two full minutes being yelled at by Iruka. Sasuke had a theory that Naruto was actually immune to being lectured.

At the front of the classroom, Iruka suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. Even knowing that Naruto was clearly planning more chaos, Iruka went on with the lecture. In any case, it wasn't as though the chuunin wasn't confident in the boy's abilities so much as he didn't feel like getting yelled at by the Hyuuga clan again. Hiashi hadn't been happy about the Shampoo Incident at all.

Never mind the fact that it wasn't _Iruka's_ fault that Naruto had inherited all of his mother's mischievous genes and that half of the boy's family encouraged it. Or that said family members actually helped him pull them off. What was Iruka, the lone sane one, supposed to do against odds like that? Especially considering that two of the village's prank royalty were particularly powerful jounin.

"Okay, class, were starting the first part of the final exam today." Iruka announced.

The ensuing groans were almost a chorus. Iruka waited until they stopped and added. "This was on the news board for two months. I've been reminding you all for the last month. We're been going over all three Academy-level jutsu for the entire year. _You should know this by now_."

The class quieted.

"Good. Anyway, it's just henge today." There was a collective sigh of relief at this. It was, after all, the easiest jutsu on the list.

He heard Naruto start to cackle quietly—though not quite quietly enough, since the boy had never quite figured out how good the chuunin's hearing was. Oh, _this_ was going to be interesting. Iruka raised an eyebrow at the blond and, as though on cue, Sasuke reached over and smacked him upside the head.

The chuunin smiled faintly. "Aburame Shino, you're up first."

The only real assignment was to copy either his or Mizuki's appearance using a henge. Most of the students would find the assignment simple enough.

Naruto, having elected to skip his initial turn to "protect" Sasuke from fangirls, went much later than expected. He said something about his mother's maiden name being Uzumaki, so that entitled him to go (almost) last if he felt like it. So, Iruka had several worry-free moments (after assessing Haruno Sakura and Inuzuka Kiba) to plan his escape.

When Naruto's turn finally came up and he brought his hands together to perform his henge, Iruka made a few hand seals behind his back. When the smoke for the standard henge finally appeared, Iruka swapped places with Mizuki while he still had cover, because there was no way Naruto could possibly resist the chance to prank his favorite older brother. He wasn't disappointed—particularly not when a nude blonde bombshell appeared in Naruto's place and Mizuki was launched into a wall by the force of his own nosebleed.

Over the sound of the class's laughter, Iruka made a show of closing his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose, and (right as Naruto dropped the henge in confusion) slamming his clipboard down on the edge of his desk to make everyone shut up. They all jumped.

Iruka looked out over the crowd, scanning for anyone else who wanted to try something, before turning to the blinking blond and saying dryly, "Nice try, Naruto. You pass, but don't ever let me catch you doing that again."

Naruto gulped as Iruka finally allowed himself to glare down at his surrogate younger brother. The boy ran off and Iruka moved on. "Yamanaka Ino."

"Iruka-sensei, what about Mizuki-sensei?" Sakura asked.

"Oh, him?" Iruka glanced at his fallen comrade. Honestly, to be defeated by a henge… He sighed. "Might as well…" He picked a glass of water up off the desk and emptied it over Mizuki's head.

To the surprise of the class, Mizuki flailed wildly and jerked to his feet, looking like he was going to bolt.

Naruto snickered.

"Morning, Mizuki." Iruka said, and no one in the class missed the edge of humor in his voice.

"What did—how—with the water and—and the…huh?"

"He's fine." Iruka said to the class at large. He smirked. "And Naruto, our ramen deal is off."

"Dammit!"

"Anyway," Iruka said to the stunned blonde girl, "go on, Ino."

"Right…um, henge!" She passed, too.

* * *

"He pulled that in _class_?"

Most of the time, it was nearly impossible to catch Namikaze Minato off-guard. Therefore, Obito relished moments like this one.

"I guess so. Iruka spent half an hour bitching to me about it." Obito shrugged, though inwardly he was beaming with pride—both for Iruka for avoiding the prank, and with Naruto for flooring Mizuki. Obito had never liked him much anyway, and it was also nice to see that the chuunin's water phobia hadn't waned at all in nearly ten years.

"But he _did_ pass the test, right?" Minato asked anxiously.

"Yep. Iruka gave him a pass and a threat of no more ramen ever." Obito said. "Just two more to go, though I'm sure the teachers are going to be on guard for a while."

Both men tried to ignore Kushina, who was standing near the window and laughing so hard that she couldn't breathe. It wasn't easy, particularly once she stopped laughing and started _cackling_. Obito grinned despite himself. Kakashi wouldn't be hearing about this until it was _way_ too late.

Obito finally decided that finding a chair was in order. "Did you already tell Naruto-chan about the kage bunshin loophole?"

"Kushina did." Minato said, glancing at his wife. She looked like she was plotting something. "I don't know why, but for whatever reason Uzumaki clan members just can't pull off low-level techniques without overloading them."

"Horrible chakra control runs in the family." Kushina answered, grinning. "But when you can make a hundred kage bunshin at once, it's just a matter of brute-forcing your way through a problem."

"I still think it's an incredible waste of chakra." Obito said under his breath. "Sure, it's great for people like you who have massive chakra reserves, but what about us normal people?"

"You have better chakra control and you can train to make your reserves bigger anyway." Kushina said, shrugging. "Besides, Sharingan."

"Low blow." Obito said, "You know I don't train with it if I don't have to."

Kushina gave him her signature mischievous smirk. "Since you spend all your time getting kicked around by Gai, I think you're starting to need it."

"I don't think I'd be able to keep up even _with_ the Sharingan." Obito replied, embarrassed. But not very—getting smacked around by Gai in a taijutsu match was just one of the facts of life in Konoha. It had just gotten worse since Gai had gotten a tiny version of himself to follow him around like a puppy. _Man, if Kakashi thought __**Gai**__ was bad, Mini-Gai is like a million times worse_. "It's one thing to predict someone's movements—it's _way_ different to try that with someone who's twice as fast on a _bad_ day as your personal best."

"…This is coming from the particular young man who, for several years, made it his life's mission to introduce every single non-ANBU shinobi to Gai's brand of insanity." Minato said, deadpan.

Obito scratched the back of his head. "In my defense, we had the strongest chuunin candidates in all the villages for three years running. And it's the ones who trained with me and Gai who ended up winning the tournaments."

"We never did figure out exactly where all that water came from…" Kushina smiled fondly at the memory. "Or how Iruka managed to knock Itachi through a wall."

"Luck." Obito said. After a moment, he hedged that claim with a mild, "Or the fact that no one apparently ever bothered to tell Itachi that Iruka's affinity was _water_ while they were in freaking _Kiri_."

The Hokage and his wife looked at each other and shrugged.

"You two are horrible." Obito said, laughing helplessly. "Oh well. That's already ten years over anyway. So, what are the team assignments going to be?"

Minato glanced at the paperwork on his desk. "Do you mean,' which team will Kakashi end up with'?"

"Pretty much, yeah. And Asuma and Kurenai's teams too, I guess."

"I thought so." Minato said. "Well, you already know that if Naruto and Sasuke pass, they're going on the same team. As for a kunoichi who might round them out…Kushina?"

Kushina tapped her chin, thinking. "I'd say the Haruno girl or the Hyuuga heiress, but Hinata-chan's too balanced. We'd end up having to put up with people arguing about us stacking the team or something. So, Haruno Sakura seems like a good choice."

Obito picked up the sheet with the pink-haired girl's profile on it. He whistled. "Man, talk about a one-trick pony. She's got the worst physical scores of anyone in Iruka's class, but she's also got the top test scores. Shikaku's kid might be dead last, but that's just because he's just like his dad and sleeps all damn day."

"With Naruto and Sasuke on her team, at the very least it balances them all out." Minato pointed out. He smiled wryly. "And besides, she's the least-vicious Sasuke fangirl we could choose."

"I knew you were scheming something." Obito accused.

"Of course." Kushina's grin was wide and, honestly, reminded Obito of a fox.

"Anyway, Asuma's probably going to get the second-generation Ino-Shika-Chou trio. Yamanaka Ino, Nara Shikamaru, and finally Akimichi Chouji." Minato continued, as though his student and his wife weren't mock-glaring at each other over his shoulder. "As for Yuuhi Kurenai…" More pages were shuffled. "I think it makes the most sense to give her Inuzuka Kiba, Aburame Shino, and Hyuuga Hinata."

"Cool. Hey, Itachi's not up for a genin team this year, right?" Obito was halfway out the door by the time he remembered to ask.

"No, he said he'd be better off not traumatizing the kids." Minato might have rolled his eyes, but Obito wasn't paying attention anymore.

"Traumatizing?" Obito repeated incredulously. "He reads _philosophy_ _books_ to people he's supposed to kill! What in the world could he possibly do to scar a bunch of genin?"

Minato's expression was completely deadpan. "Do I need to remind you of what you did to _your_ genin?"

"Oh, come on. It's not like they're not functioning!"

Most of the forthcoming arguments were stalled when a chuunin nervously poked his head into the office, arms laden with papers. The white-haired teenager's eyes went as wide as saucers when he spotted Obito standing there.

"I'll, uh… Sorry to interrupt your meeting, Hokage-sama, Obito-sensei!" And he was gone. All of them could hear Hakuto run screaming out of the tower.

Obito folded his arms stubbornly as Kushina laughed like a hyena. "_That didn't count_."

* * *

Traditionally, the bunshin was the middle-ground between the kawarimi and the henge in terms of difficulty. It didn't require any real power, only control, and not even that much of it. But if there was one jutsu that was practically designed to trip Naruto up, it was that one.

And yet, once the boy was in front of Iruka and Mizuki, in the private room where all bunshin tests were conducted, he just grinned and brought his hands together in a single seal. The actual bunshin was supposed to require three.

In a burst of smoke, suddenly there were two Narutos standing where, originally, only one blond had been standing. Both of them were smirking at the teachers.

"You pass, Naruto." Iruka said before Mizuki could comment on the strangeness of the technique. Iruka knew it couldn't be the actual bunshin—Naruto hadn't been able to pull off the technique since, well, ever, but he wasn't going to allow the boy to fail either if, technically, all the requirements of the technique had been met. A bunshin just needed to look like a copy of the original, after all. And if normal bunshin didn't have shadows and this one did…oh well. "Well done."

"Piece of cake, Iruka-sensei!" the pair said together. "See you later!"

And they both ran out. Mizuki noticed, as Iruka did, that the boy and his clone—whichever one that was—fight over who got to get out of the door first. That would not have been possible with a bunshin. But a _kage_ bunshin… Not for the first time, Iruka wondered what _exactly_ the Hokage was teaching his son. Knowing his Konoha's luck with pranksters, the next move would probably be the Rasengan.

Mizuki gaped like a stunned guppy. "Did…he just pull off a flawless kage bunshin?"

"I think so." Iruka said, outwardly unflappable but inwardly cursing everything that had somehow brought them to this point. He had a bit of an image to maintain regarding Naruto's antics, after all. "I hope Hokage-sama knows what he's doing with that boy…"

Mizuki thought about the implications of the blond prankster having the ability to multiply himself. _Really_ thought it over. And shuddered.

Iruka patted his fellow teacher's shoulder sympathetically and left the room to arrange for a therapist for the poor man.

* * *

The next day, the thirty new genin gathered in Iruka's classroom. Naruto lounged in a chair next to Sasuke's corner seat, leaning back with his feet on the desk and neatly blocking off the best fangirl avenue of attack. Hinata, nervous and hopeful, sat two rows up from both boys and prayed that she would at least be assigned to a kind team. The rest of the girls hoped they'd be assigned to Sasuke's team. Shikamaru wished that he wouldn't have to put up with Ino. Kiba drummed his fingers on his desk and wished Iruka would hurry the hell up. He'd been twitchy all day, and not because of excitement.

"Congratulations to our new crop of genin!" Iruka announced brightly, standing at the front of the classroom and holding his ever-present clipboard. "You've all done very well to make your first step into the world of shinobi, and from here on in you and your friends will be the future of our village."

If anyone noticed that Mizuki wasn't in the classroom, no one mentioned it.

"If you'll pay attention, here are the team assignments." Iruka began. "Team One…"

Naruto grinned lazily and leaned still further back in his chair. "Last night was a _blast_. You should've been there, Sasuke."

"Kiba looks pissed." Sasuke commented, smirking. "It was the catnip glitter-bombs, wasn't it?"

"And the daimyo's wife's demon cat," Naruto snickered at the memory. "They were up all night dealing with the strays all that stuff brought in. And then there was all the paint and the part where the kibble exploded."

"…You're crazy." Sasuke muttered. "But I still have to ask; how the hell do you, Kaachan, and Obito-nii never get caught?"

"Lots of practice," Naruto said, rubbing his nose. "And tons of kage bunshin."

"Obito-nii can't even use that." Sasuke pointed out.

"Okay, so maybe it's me and Kaachan most of the time. Obito-nii's just our enabler."

"...That doesn't sound suspicious at _all_." Sasuke said sarcastically.

Naruto just smiled like a fox.

"…Team Seven: Haruno Sakura," Iruka began, and Naruto knew the girl next to him was sitting up attentively since she happened to knock him over when she did so. As Naruto recovered from yet another impromptu reunion with the floor, Iruka went on, "Namikaze Naruto, and Uchiha Sasuke. Your jounin-sensei is Hatake Kakashi."

Sakura let out a squeal of joy as the rest of the girls in the class shrieked in fury. Naruto and Sasuke's synchronized groans were completely drowned out.

"Team Eight: Aburame Shino, Hyuuga Hinata, and Inuzuka Kiba." Kiba glanced at the Aburame boy and the Hyuuga girl, then at Akamaru (who was still covered in glitter from last night), and shrugged. "Your jounin-sensei is Yuuhi Kurenai."

"Team Nine…"

"How the hell did we end up with _Sakura_ on our team?" Naruto demanded to Sasuke, for once breaking character—Naruto hadn't had a crush on Sakura for years, though he had gotten very good at pretending that he did if it meant she'd give Sasuke some space. This usually just meant asking her for dates whenever possible, being a pest, and "somehow" always getting between Sasuke and the fangirls.

"It's a conspiracy." Sasuke hissed back, trying to lean away from the pink-haired girl as she continued to celebrate her "victory" over the rest of the shrieking mob. It didn't really work with the wall at his back. "But at least we've got Kakashi-nii."

"Team Ten: Akimichi Chouji, Nara Shikamaru, and Yamanaka Ino!" Iruka shouted, having had to raise his voice just to be heard over the din. "Your jounin-sensei is Sarutobi Asuma! And as for the rest of you, _quiet down right now_!"

Naruto paused. "Wait, isn't Kakashi-nii usually two hours late to everything?"

Sasuke swore.

* * *

Thirty minutes later, after Iruka had finally had to leave or else be late to a teachers' meeting, Naruto was lying on the last desk in the classroom, counting ceiling tiles, while Sasuke tried his absolute best to ignore Sakura. His method consisted of basically staring broodingly at the wall, which had never turned fangirls off before and made Naruto wonder if Sasuke had ever developed any strategies for coping with the situation.

"I think I'm going insane." Naruto finally said, sitting up abruptly.

Sasuke glanced over his shoulder at the blond. "So what?" And yet, Sasuke was also developing an eye tic.

Naruto walked to the front of the classroom and picked an eraser off the chalkboard tray. Then, with the help of a couple of the classroom chairs, he balanced said eraser on top of the class doorframe. Then he walked slowly back to the desks he'd been lying on, hopped up on one, and promptly flopped down again.

Sakura actually stopped talking for a moment to stare at the blond. "That's so _stupid_. There's no way that will actually work."

Naruto yawned. "Hey, who's the one who grew up with the guy? Kakashi-nii's going to get hit by the eraser. Believe it."

"Wait, you know our sensei?" Sakura looked between both boys, confused. Noting Sasuke's lack of reaction, she asked, "Sasuke-kun, you too?"

Sasuke nodded. "Naruto and I have both known him since we were born."

"So, what's Kakashi-sensei like?" Sakura asked, curiosity temporarily overcoming hero-worship.

Naruto answered first, "He's really tall, with white hair and this stupid mask he wears all the freaking time. And he's really lazy and shows up late to everything on purpose. Obito-nii just has the whole universe conspiring against him instead."

"He's also one of the strongest jounin in the entire village." Sasuke added. "But he likes it when people think he's just a lazy bum, so act surprised when he lets the eraser hit him."

It was quite possibly the most Sasuke had ever said to Sakura. And it _wasn't_ a love confession! Sakura silently cursed her luck.

"…Why do we have such a weird sensei?" Sakura asked no one in particular, bemoaning her fate in general.

Sasuke and Naruto exchanged glances. They had a theory—shared many a time over midnight snacks when their parents were either out of the house or asleep—regarding favoritism. Naruto's father (and Sasuke's, no matter how much they didn't resemble each other) was the Yondaime and one of the strongest shinobi in the world, and both boys were occasionally tutored by him when he had the time. Obito and Kakashi would sometimes help if they felt they could. And since Minato had only three students, and two sons of genin age, it was probably inevitable that they got one of the three members of the old Team Minato as a jounin-sensei. Rin was busy at the hospital and Obito still had a trio of chuunin students, but Kakashi had been repeatedly failing every genin team he'd been given.

Then, much earlier than expected but far later than would be justified, the classroom door creaked open.

_Poof_.

Naruto's thought was, _I knew he'd let it hit him._

Sasuke's was, _Why do you __**always**__ do this, Kakashi-nii?_

Sakura's was, _I'm trying really, really hard not to judge…_ Inner Sakura cut in with a rather waspish, _**You can't even tell that the eraser hit him! How old is this guy?**_

Kakashi turned his attention to them with the laziest expression not worn by a Nara. There was a brief flash of mischievous recognition in his eyes when he spotted Naruto and Sasuke looking at him warily, but barely a glance at Sakura.

Kakashi made a show of picking up the eraser as slowly as possible and tossing it onto Iruka's desk, then turning to his three prospective genin with a hand to his chin, as though he was thinking hard about something. "Hm…my first impression of you three…"

Sakura was the only one who seemed to perk up at this. Naruto and Sasuke braced for the inevitable.

"…You're going to be really annoying." Kakashi gave them a mock salute and one of those masked smiles that really looked like he was pulling it off just using his eyes.

Naruto and Sasuke groaned out loud as Sakura slumped in disappointment.

"Meet me on the roof in five minutes." And with that, the jounin vanished in a puff of smoke.

"…why is it that practically every ninja trick ever has to involve smoke?" Naruto asked the world at large.

"No idea." Sasuke said. He pushed himself off the desk and started to walk out of the room. "Come on, before he can make fun of _us_ for being late."

"Yeah, yeah." The blond followed him without much complaint, much to Sakura's surprise.

Sakura, thinking hard, trailed silently behind both boys and tried to figure out what was so odd about the entire situation.

* * *

"So, it's time to get to know each other." Kakashi announced once the three genin arrived on the roof. As Kakashi took a seat on the railing and his team sat opposite him, on the stairs, he added, "Likes, dislikes, hobbies…that kind of thing."

"Like how?" Sakura asked, blinking. "Could you go first, to show us how we're supposed to do it?"

"An excellent suggestion, Sakura." Kakashi said, nodding sagely. "I like some things, and I dislike lots of things. And I have lots of hobbies…"

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"But that doesn't help at all!" Sakura complained.

Kakashi just gave her one of those smiles-but-not-quite. "Naruto, your turn."

Naruto gave him one of those fox grins. "Okay! I like ramen and Touchan and Kaachan and Obito-nii, Rin-neechan and Sasuke and Iruka-nii! Not in that order, though." Kakashi probably noticed that Naruto had deliberately left him off that list. The blond finally sat up straight, leaning forward slightly. "My dislikes…I hate how long it takes for ramen to cook, vegetables, and stupid people! And I'm gonna be the next Hokage after Touchan retires!"

Kakashi nodded anyway. "Nice. Sasuke?"

"…I like tomatoes, onigiri, and training." Sasuke said after a moment. "And Naruto and Niisan and our parents and everyone else, I guess. As for dislikes…I don't like fangirls, idiots, or sweets. Future plans…I want to be able to surpass Niisan." At Kakashi's questioning look, Sasuke shrugged and said, "You asked."

"Sakura?" Kakashi asked.

When Sakura finally spoke, she was slightly less loud or confident compared to before. Something her teammates had said had hit a nerve. "I hate spicy food and idiots. I like dango and…" At this, she couldn't seem to stop herself from giggling. "As for my goals…" The giggle came back.

Sasuke, unnoticed by the pink-haired girl, rolled his eyes again.

"Well, you're all very interesting people!" Kakashi said brightly. "Though you're still annoying. But in the interests of getting out of here sometime before the sun goes down, I have just two things to say—one, we have survival training tomorrow by the river at five A.M., so don't eat breakfast or else you'll get sick. Two—assuming you three pass _my_ test, you're new genin. Congratulations and don't let it go to your heads."

The genin blinked owlishly at him.

"Oh, and you're dismissed, I guess." And with that, the jounin vanished again.

The genin were left to stare at each other blankly for a moment or two.

Naruto finally said, "That was stupid. He didn't even say where the hell he'd been!"

Sasuke made a noise that sounded a lot like "hn."

Sakura shook herself. Maybe it was just the heat, but for a minute there she'd forgotten that she was on a team with _Uchiha Sasuke_! He was the hottest guy in their class, no question. Black hair, perfect face…and he was strong, too. He had to be! He was the rookie of the year!

…Who happened not to like her at the moment, apparently. But things could change! They _would_! She turned to her crush, smiling expectantly, and said, "Hey, Sasuke-kun, do you want to hang out?"

But she spoke to empty air. Her crush and his adoptive brother had already taken off without her. Without even so much as a glance in her direction, or a kind word to acknowledge her existence as a teammate.

Sakura couldn't stop the first tears from welling up, but she made sure they didn't fall.

* * *

The next day, Sakura was the only one to arrive at the training field before dawn. She spent a long time sitting against a tree, quietly growing more impatient and even more depressed about her prospects on the team. Where was Sensei? What about Sasuke-kun and Naruto? When even Naruto, the Hokage's son and loudest boy in the entire village, wouldn't acknowledge your existence, you knew you'd hit an all-time low.

She heard someone walk up behind her, but she didn't turn to look until she heard him drawl, "I didn't think anyone would actually _listen_ to me when I said training was at five."

Blinking blearily, Sakura looked up to see Kakashi standing over her. She jumped to attention. So he _hadn't_ been lying about the schedule! "I-I…Sorry, Sensei! It was just a bad night and… and…"

He just sighed and patted her on the head. "It's fine, Sakura. No harm done."

"Where are Sasuke-kun and Naruto?" Sakura asked as Kakashi led her to the bridge. It was quieter there, in a way—she'd been hearing shouts all morning from the next training field over anyway, though she hadn't wanted to go see why.

"Probably disobeying orders and sleeping in." Kakashi replied, leaning on the railing and looking rather bored with the entire affair. "They probably knew I wasn't going to show up on time anyway."

"Weren't going to..." Sakura looked furious. "Sensei, that's not fair! When _were_ you going to show up?"

"About noon." Kakashi answered idly.

"Why?" Sakura demanded. "That's _seven hours_ from now!"

Kakashi actually turned to face her, and Sakura abruptly remembered that the person she was yelling at was her _sensei_, and that there were some things you just didn't do in front of someone like that. He didn't seem to mind all that much, though.

"Sorry, Sensei," Sakura mumbled, looking at the ground. "I didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night. But if you said you were going to be late, why are you here now?"

Kakashi was silent for a long moment. "I think it would be pretty cruel of me to leave you here all alone when those two stupid boys won't show up until nearly ten. I always try to keep an eye on things to make sure you don't all kill each other, anyway."

Sakura sneezed—it could be pretty cold at night, even in Konoha. Being awake since four hadn't helped much. She sighed. "Thanks, I guess. But since they aren't going to show, should I just go home?" Not that she wanted to—there had to be _something_ good to come out of this whole mess, even if she had to dig to find it.

"I'd say yes," Kakashi began, "but I wouldn't be a very good sensei if I didn't encourage students to actually work. So I might as well get started on your training now." He finally stood up straight and walked off the bridge. "Chakra control training starts now."

After a moment of indecision, Sakura followed.

Kakashi led her to the base of a particularly tall tree. "I'm sure you've already channeled and understood the nature of chakra before Iruka let you out of the classroom, so I'm not going to go over it again. Just remember that for most shinobi, it's hardest to concentrate chakra in the feet." He tapped the trunk. "So you're going to learn how to do it today, by climbing trees without using your hands."

Sakura stared. She looked all the way up the tree, as far as she could see. It was dizzying. "Um…Sensei, this doesn't look safe. At all."

"That's because it really isn't." Kakashi said cheerfully. "But if you have the average genin's chakra control, you aren't going to get high enough on the trunk to hurt yourself either."

"But what if I'm better?" Sakura asked nervously. "Could you show me first?"

Kakashi nodded. "Sure, just make sure you're paying attention." With that, he just started walking. Right up the tree, as though gravity had suddenly shifted its hold by ninety degrees. By the time he stopped, he was hanging upside-down from one of the upper branches, looking down at her with another eye-only smile. "See?"

Sakura bit her lip, thinking it over. She had always been able to control the flow of her chakra more precisely than anyone in her class, though she had almost no stamina. It was probably enough. "Okay, Sensei. I'll try."

"It might help to get a running start," he suggested as she brought her hands together in what wasn't so much a hand seal as a prayer.

Sakura, once she was certain that her chakra was at least flowing the right direction and that her grip on it was secure, ran at the tree. One foot hit the bark.

And she just kept going up. It was almost like running on flat ground, but she was being anchored by her own energy and that meant that she tried to get upright as quickly as possible out of habit. She landed on a branch, blinking at bit in surprise. Then she looked down.

She was nearly fifty feet off the ground.

Sakura let out a tiny "eep" and glanced nervously at Kakashi, who was still standing upside-down on a much lower branch.

"Nicely done, Sakura."

Sakura giggled, momentarily forgetting the entire situation. "Thanks, Sensei!"

Kakashi leapt out of the tree and landed in a crouch on the ground. Then he turned back to Sakura and called up to her, "Come down and we'll go for breakfast. I know a place that's open."

"But isn't that unfair to Sasuke-kun and Naruto?" Sakura asked.

"Actually, it's mostly unfair that they're not here and you are." Kakashi said. "Consider it an apology since they're inconsiderate brats who can't follow orders."

"You're the one who told us to come here at five!" Sakura countered.

Kakashi seemed to smile. "_And_ I'm the one paying for dango."

Sakura thought about this. "Are you bribing me?"

"No, it's a reward for actually being a good student." Kakashi denied it, like she expected. She frowned. He gave a chuckle after a few moments under her stare. "Well, okay, so maybe it's at least _partially_ a bribe so you don't tell Sasuke or Naruto that I actually trained you for a bit before they showed up…"

Her stomach growled and her decision was made. "Deal."

* * *

Sakura was napping under a tree when the boys finally showed. Kakashi was nowhere in sight.

Sasuke, dressed in blue and white like he usually did, actually frowned upon seeing the girl. She was an eyesore and annoying as all hell, but she had also apparently gotten to the training field a long time before and was just _lying_ _there_ like a lazy bum. He snorted and headed toward the memorial stone, as much to pay his respects to the names as to avoid having to look at her.

"I guess we're not late." Naruto muttered, yawning. For whatever reason, Naruto had elected to avoid orange today and instead was dressed in more neutral colors—a pair of dark brown shorts, and a green vest over a black shirt. It made sense considering survival training, but not much since Naruto had often managed to get away from chuunin while looking like a walking traffic cone.

"Actually, you two are six-and-a-half hours late." Both boys jumped and whirled, only to find Kakashi looming over them both like a scarecrow from hell. The man gave them an eye-only smile, but the force of his menace pressed down on them like a weight. "It's a new record."

"Wait, you were _actually_ here since five?" Naruto demanded, despite knowing that their sensei's mood indicated that they'd be getting some kind of punishment from him in short order.

"Yep."

"How were we supposed to know you actually wouldn't be late?" Sasuke grumbled. "You're never on time."

"That's not the point." Kakashi said. "The point is that you two disobeyed orders and, whether I was going to be late or not, that's not allowed."

"When were you actually planning to show up?" Naruto asked.

Kakashi thought about it, or at least put his hand on his chin and acted like he did. "About now, actually."

"See?" Naruto was furious, of course. "You were going to make us wait seven hours for nothing!"

"But since you _didn't_ wait, you don't get to complain." Kakashi pointed out cheerfully. "I, however, get to yell at you since you basically left your teammate here to wait alone while you were off enjoying things like sleep and breakfast. And I ended up showing up on time and, wouldn't you know it, my two idiot students disobeyed orders!"

Sasuke frowned. There was something extremely circular about that logic, but he wasn't sure what it was. _I guess I should have listened to Niisan more…_ "Did you only show because Sakura was here?"

"There's not much point to it if I showed up and my students didn't." Kakashi agreed.

"And if all of us had been here?" Sasuke pressed.

He shrugged. "Again, probably about now."

"Why?" Naruto half-shouted, and he had only avoided eardrum-damaging range because Kakashi poked him in the forehead hard enough to make him pause. "Ow!"

"Because," their sensei said coolly, "at least then you three would have had at least one thing in common—mutual anger at me and my being late—rather than just being a team of two with a third wheel."

Both boys opened their mouths to argue, but Kakashi cut them off, "A shinobi has to work on a team no matter what differences its members may have. That includes little things like one member being a twelve-year-old girl with a crush, where the other two are Sensei's brats and are practically attached at the hip."

"Why'd you act like you didn't know us yesterday?" Naruto had to know. He was frowning in thought. "Is it about Sakura again?"

"Yes." Kakashi said with a nod. "Again, you've known me since you two were born. I figured you would be tempted to address me more closely than Sakura can—you know, that whole 'Kakashi-nii, Aniki' thing. In fact…" He trailed off, digging into his pockets. He retrieved a pair of tiny metal bells.

"So you want to treat us all equally." Sasuke said. He eyed the bells with suspicion.

"Exactly," Kakashi said. "No favoritism from _this_ jounin-sensei."

Naruto piped up with a sharp, "What are those for?"

"These? These are the object of your training today." Kakashi was probably grinning evilly under his mask. He turned and somehow managed to give a piercing whistle despite not using his fingers. "Sakura, naptime's over!"

"…five more minutes, Kaachan…" the girl mumbled, and rolled over. She sat up unsteadily, rubbing her eyes and yawning. "Sorry, Sensei. I just—oh, you're both here?"

Sasuke blinked. It was possibly the first time she'd ever spoken to him (even, granted, with Naruto) without sounding like she was fawning over him. _What did Kakashi-nii do to her?_

Sakura stumbled over to the rest of her team, trying to smooth the wrinkles out of her dress and claw her way back into wakefulness all at once. Naruto handed her a comb (which was odd, considering that he never seemed to use one) that had apparently been hiding in one of his vest pockets, which she took with a mumbled thanks. Kakashi, meanwhile, waited patiently for his team to adjust to their new dynamics.

Which were really just the old ones, but with a little less mutual dislike.

"So, as I was saying, today we begin survival training." Kakashi said. His team nodded collectively. "Because of Naruto and Sasuke being so late, we actually only have about half an hour left before I fail all three of you straight back to Iruka's class."

"_WHAT_?" was the collective squawk. Even Sasuke joined in (silently, granted, but still), jaw dropping.

Kakashi waited for them to stop shouting for a fraction of a second before he said calmly, "You still have half an hour left to redeem yourselves. The object of the lesson?" He held up the bells. "Whoever gets these bells passes. The odd man out gets shipped back to the Academy to clean erasers."

"B-but Sensei—!" Sakura stammered. "We didn't—!"

"No buts, Sakura!" Kakashi informed her. "The same thing goes for Sasuke and Naruto here. And remember, you won't get the bells unless you come at me with the intent to kill. Otherwise…" He trailed off ominously. Looming over them all, he also added in an undertone only Naruto and Sasuke could hear, "And if either one of you calls me 'Kakashi-nii,' you're _both_ getting tied to the logs."

Naruto and Sasuke looked stunned—it must not have ever occurred to them that, as the Hokage's brats, they could actually fail something. Sakura looked horrified by the apparent betrayal of the previously patient and kind-hearted sensei she'd been dealing with all morning.

_Gullible brats_. Kakashi placed an alarm clock on a nearby rock. "You have twenty-five minutes now. Go."

All three genin vanished.

_Good_.

* * *

**A/N:** For reference, here's a few notes about characterization if it wasn't clear in the main body of text up there.

Naruto: Raised by his parents and having grown up relatively normally (aside from all the adoptive older siblings he has), Naruto is less concerned with attention than he is with meeting his goals. At least one of those goals, thanks to his mother, is to drive the village insane. He can be slightly less considerate of other people's feelings than in canon, but he still has the same hyperactive heart of gold. He's a talented genin with massive chakra reserves like his mother, but he doesn't have the Kyuubi and thus lacks a fallback in dire times...or so it seems.

Sasuke: Since he was raised by Naruto's parents and doesn't remember his own, he has less angst and is generally better-adjusted than in canon. He has a Neji-like tendency to make occasional snide observations, though. He's good at heart despite his frosty exterior, and he and Naruto act like twins much of the time. He doesn't particularly care one way or another about the Uchihas as a clan, though he loves his brother and his cousin.

Sakura: Canon Sakura, basically, but rapidly maturing. Likes Sasuke, dislikes Naruto (mostly because he keeps pranking her). Generally speaking, anyway. She'll change rapidly.

Kakashi: Though "Kakashi" and "sane" should usually not be located in the same sentence without the words "is not" between them, Alter!Kakashi is much less of a basket case compared to his canon self and has fewer hangups. He's also more fixated on teamwork than in canon and, since he's teaching two of his sensei's kids and an interloper, he's much more aware of the issues inherent in putting said team together.

Obito: Naruto + Time - Orange = Obito.

Also, thank you to everyone who's added alerts and favorites on this story. Read, enjoy, and review, folks!

* * *

Next chapter preview:

_And yet he just sat there. "What?"_

"_You still have something to say, or else you'd be gone already." Naruto pointed out._

_Kakashi shrugged. "I just wanted to know if anyone particularly wanted to go out to eat as a team…?"_

"_Ichiraku's?" Naruto demanded quickly. Apparently his ramen addiction hadn't waned in the slightest._

"_Nope!" Kakashi said cheerfully._

"_Dammit!"_


	10. Training From Hell

**Training From Hell**

_Pain is weakness leaving the body. _

— U.S. Marine Corps saying

* * *

"Oh, darn."

That was Kakashi's entire reaction to Sasuke trying to kick him in the head. But only because he'd been forced to put his book away for about a quarter of a second. Then suddenly Sasuke had been tossed halfway across the training grounds and into Naruto, who had been hiding in the bushes up until then. There was a lot of swearing on the parts of both boys, to absolutely no one's surprise.

Kakashi stood up straight for once as he heard Naruto approach. There was no one else in Konoha who could combine the loudest voice on the planet with silent footfalls. He supposed it was a result of way too much time spent playing pranks on the village. It was practically the signature of Konoha's number one most surprising shinobi.

But the flying entrance from the trees had still been a bit of a stupid idea. Kakashi swayed out of the way of Naruto's foot, pushed upward as the boy went past, and sent Naruto careening into the river.

Then Sasuke was there again, lashing out with taijutsu he'd learned from Itachi but wasn't yet fast enough to use effectively. Naruto followed, soaking wet and weaving around Sasuke's stances and strikes with a style that might have been similar to Minato's if the boy was taller. Or if he could teleport.

And yet, trying to land a blow on the jounin only meant that they'd be used as clubs against each other, hit a kawarimi log, or miss entirely as the man either ducked out of the way or otherwise made utter fools out of them both. Kakashi even had one eye closed, just to make it harder.

"How the hell is he this freaking fast?" Naruto shouted in frustration as the jounin disappeared again.

"He's been a jounin since before we were born." Sasuke growled. "He's been playing with us."

"I know that!" Naruto snapped. The boy was fuming, angry at his own weakness and the jounin's insane speed and taijutsu skill. "But you got punted into a bush and I ended up in the river and he barely blinked when we both rushed him! I swear he even used his hitai-ate as an eyepatch!"

Sasuke shook his head suddenly, as though dispelling his irritation at the entire situation. "We're not getting the bells like this. We need to come up with some kind of plan."

"Like what?" Naruto stopped and slapped his own forehead. "Wait a minute. Where the hell did he go?"

"I figured he was watching us…" Sasuke frowned and tried to find some trace of the jounin's chakra. Nothing. "But I think he's gone now."

"…Where's Sakura?" Naruto asked.

Both boys heard a distant scream. Sasuke's head whipped around in the direction of it and Naruto's eyes went wide.

Their thoughts were identical on this issue, and they let out simultaneous mumbles of, "…Oh, shit."

Sure, neither of them liked her. But there were things you just didn't do, and letting a girl get ambushed and not going to at least see if she was okay? That was one of them. And if Sasuke or Naruto had ever, _ever_ thought differently, Kushina probably wouldn't have let them live long enough to make genin.

The boys took off.

For a while, the clearing was empty and silent. Then Kakashi emerged from the ground next to where they had been and cackled to himself. Genjutsu was too much fun. Genin? Marginally more so.

Kakashi observed from afar as the boys arrived to find their pink-haired teammate unconscious on the ground, and then waited patiently as they tried to figure out what was wrong with her. Naruto and Sasuke debated it out.

"Do you think maybe she just fainted?" Naruto asked, scratching his head. "She's been here a lot longer than we have."

"If she didn't faint before, I don't see why she had to do it now." Sasuke said. "I'm betting Kakashi-nii did something to her." The boy paused, and Kakashi made a mental note of the banned word. "Genjutsu?"

Naruto could only shrug helplessly. "You know I'm no good at that. You do it."

Sasuke nodded and brought his hands together in a seal. "Kai!"

Sakura stirred and blinked rapidly, her eyes wide with fear. And then she stopped, looked up, and almost leapt to her feet. "What happened?" she demanded. Both boys had to pause at her suddenly assertive moment, but they rolled with it.

"Kakashi-nii happened." Naruto said, and Kakashi made a note of that, too. "It was a genjutsu."

"Ah…" Sakura seemed to grow quiet at this. She mumbled something incoherent.

"What was it?" Sasuke asked, rather sharply.

Sakura shook her head and wiped her eyes on her arm. "Never mind. It's not important what I saw. So, you saved me, Sasuke-kun?"

Kakashi, who knew that he'd given her an illusion of both of her teammates getting shredded by an Iwa-nin, frowned. Something was off about the psych profile he'd been given by Iruka. It wasn't possible that an hour of training had changed that much, was it? Or had the genjutsu traumatized her that much?

Sasuke looked away pointedly. Naruto grumbled something inaudible and slapped his adoptive brother on the back of the head.

"We're not gonna get the bells this way." Naruto was as loud as ever, despite the fact that his teammates clearly didn't want to work together (and neither did he, apparently, but the entire affair was looking more and more like a game of rock-paper-scissors the more Kakashi watched). Kakashi found himself wondering how Iruka had put up with him for so long, given the chuunin's sensitive hearing.

"What's your plan then?" Sasuke asked sarcastically. "Charge him again?"

"No, we need to come up with something sneakier!" Naruto had that grin on his face. It was one of those expressions you never saw on an innocent little kid, and the kind that usually meant that Kakashi would need to step lightly around Kushina to avoid setting off every joke trap in the area and being covered in itching powder..

After a moment of silence, Sakura finally spoke up. "In that case, why don't we try—"

Kakashi vanished, but only to give his prospective team an actual chance.

It _absolutely_ did not have anything to do with the fact that he was bored with their antics and wanted to read his precious _Icha-Icha_ _Paradise_ in peace.

Not at all.

* * *

In retrospect, letting the genin actually have time to plan was probably a bad idea on his part. Kakashi ducked under what amounted a barrage of kunai, shuriken, and very sharp rocks, and wondered if it would be safer to just use kawarimi and get it over with, He had only had to put his book away twice so far—once for Sasuke and once for this deadly hail of projectiles—but this was really starting to cut into his reading time.

Spotting a fuuma shuriken on a collision course with his head, Kakashi elected to take the practical course of action. He vanished in a massive burst of smoke—kage bunshin combined with kawarimi—just as Naruto and Sasuke leapt from the bushes to confront him.

Naruto stopped, confused. "What the hell—? He wasn't ever really here!"

Sasuke cursed again, scowling. "Missed him."

"Sensei swapped with a log!" Sakura reported from the next part of the training grounds, obviously frustrated. "I saw the hand seals for it from here!"

"Have we even got enough shuriken or kunai left for another go?" Sasuke barked, trusting that at least the pink-haired girl had kept track of their supplies. _He_ sure hadn't.

"We're out." Sakura said. She walked through the bushes to meet up with both boys, who were alternately cursing their sensei's tendency to vanish in broad daylight (Sasuke) and complaining in general (Naruto). She handed both of their kunai and shuriken holsters back. They were all empty. "It'd take too long to go all of them back now."

Sasuke nodded, glancing at a watch. Why he had a watch, neither of his teammates knew. "Right, we've only got ten minutes left. Naruto, how much chaos can you cause in ten minutes?"

"…A lot?" Naruto grinned suddenly. "You know, I never tried that jutsu out all the way."

"Kage bunshin?" A smirk found its way onto Sasuke's face. "In that case…"

After Sasuke pulled Sakura out of the way, Naruto brought his hands together in the simple hand seal for the most powerful technique. Sure, it wasn't like he didn't have limits, but there was no way he was going to let Kakashi get away without at least some trouble. "Taijuu kage bunshin no jutsu!"

Suddenly there were a hundred Narutos in one place. While Sakura stared in open-mouthed shock and horror, Naruto directed his clones to search the training grounds for their sensei and, if possible, keep him in one place long enough for Team Seven to start with stealing bells.

Kakashi, lounging at the top of a tree and looking down in his crazy genin, chuckled to himself. In fact, by now his (normal) bunshin were probably being destroyed by Naruto's kage bunshin. He'd have to make his appearance in a while.

Kakashi turned a page in his book to continue with reading Junko's illicit adventures with Goro.

He'd be nice to his genin eventually. Once they learned to be more observant.

* * *

One minute before the alarm was set to go off, and Kakashi was still, as far as they could tell, missing. Sure, they'd run into about five of his bunshin and dispelled them, and enough traps to make Sakura wish she hadn't decided to wear a dress today, but Kakashi was still gone.

And then suddenly he was behind all three of them, drawling, "You know, it's amazing how many people _don't look up_."

Sasuke whirled and tried for a kick to the head, but Kakashi simply ducked out of the way. The follow-up fireball was also dodged. Naruto charged next, flanked by three of his clones, and the jounin just used one clone as a bludgeon against all of the others. Sakura retreated and began to look for some of the kunai and shuriken she knew had to be around here somewhere, but there were none to be found.

Right after the last of Naruto's clones were dispersed by a sudden impact with Sasuke, Kakashi vanished again.

Naruto nearly exploded. "HOW THE HELL DOES HE KEEP DOING THAT?"

At that point, three hands emerged from the ground and grabbed the genin's ankles. "Looking down might have helped, too!"

"AAAGH!"

And just like that, all three of them were buried up to their necks in the ground. Kakashi popped up next to them, sitting back on his heels with his precious orange book in hand just as the alarm went off. He gave them another one of those strange eye-smiles. "My, my, it looks like none of you got the bells… Didn't I tell you to come at me with the intent to kill?"

Sasuke's eye twitched.

"You're a freaking jounin!" Naruto shouted. "How are we supposed fight someone like you?"

"Oh, you weren't." Kakashi said brightly. "But that's not really what's up for debate at the moment. The only question left is basically, 'who gets tied to the logs?'"

"Should it be Sakura, since she didn't really make an attempt to get the bells?" Kakashi asked rhetorically. "Or Naruto and Sasuke for once again disobeying a direct order?"

There was a sort of unified, horrified silence among the genin.

"Well…since you're all your own brand of stupid, I think the answer should be 'all three of you.' This is the first time this has ever happened, actually…" Kakashi tilted his head to the side a bit. "Oh, well."

* * *

As it turned out, one of the aforementioned logs had been destroyed in the middle of one of Naruto's more enthusiastic pursuits of a Kakashi-bunshin. While Kakashi had been rather annoyed at that (as far as they could tell), he just shrugged and decided to tie Naruto and Sasuke to the logs rather than Sakura. Sakura got to be tied to a tree about fifty feet away instead.

The genjutsu that made a sunny day look like a thunderstorm? It didn't help their resolve much.

"Naruto, Sasuke, what do you have to say for yourselves?" For someone who generally cultivated a laid-back persona, Kakashi could loom like no one else. He actually gave them a death glare, making both Naruto and Sasuke shrink under his gaze. He was using the smallest amount of killing intent possible, and yet it felt like a lead sheet pressing down on them.

"Uh…we suck at teamwork?" Naruto squeaked.

And just like that, Kakashi stopped looking like he was going to murder them and the impending thundercloud of doom overhead vanished. "And you're absolutely right!"

The ropes undid themselves. Sasuke dropped into a crouch and Naruto waved his arms wildly to keep his balance. He was poked back into an upright position by Kakashi's forefinger on his headband.

Some distance away, Sakura was wondering what the hell was going on and why she was still tied up.

"You two are positively _shitty_ teammates." Kakashi informed them. "You don't play the shunning game on a team. You don't think of asking favors from your new sensei. And you _absolutely_ do not act like entitled little brats toward your sensei and your new teammate, no matter _who_ your parents are."

Naruto's eyes were as wide as saucers. Sasuke was pointedly no looking at anyone, though his cheeks were bright red with shame.

"Once you became genin, you became soldiers." Kakashi said sternly. "Naruto, Sasuke, your parents may be the most powerful people in the entire village, and I may have known you both since you were still in diapers, but don't think I'll treat you any differently than Sakura. You are all my _students_ now. My squad. So start growing up."

Both boys looked properly chastised. Naruto almost looked like he was going to cry, while Sasuke was looking at the ground guiltily.

"Do you both understand?" Kakashi asked them both, frowning under his mask.

They nodded.

"Good. Now, go untie Sakura." The jounin's book appeared again as if out of nowhere. Louder, he said so Sakura could hear, "You only get one more shot, and one of you isn't moving on no matter what. Don't waste it."

Fortunately or unfortunately, Kakashi knew he _had_ to pass all three of the students. Naruto was Sensei's kid, and much too mischievous to remain in the Academy. If he got any stronger or less motivated to work, Iruka wouldn't be able to handle him. Sasuke was just too strong—if he didn't make genin now, he'd be passed on a technicality anyway due to being one of the few remaining Uchiha clan members and the rookie of the year. There was nothing more the Academy could teach either of them. And Sakura? Kakashi didn't like the idea of someone with her level of chakra control being forced to waste another year where the instructors wouldn't know what to do with it. And besides, she'd just re-memorize the textbooks and learn absolutely _nothing_ new.

The only real question left was the one that Kakashi felt was most important. Regardless of their skills, they needed to be able to work as a team. And if they couldn't now, he had to know how much more instruction they'd need before they could. He was perfectly willing to stick them with D-ranked missions for the rest of their lives if they never figured it out.

Unaware of their sensei's thoughts, Naruto was trying not to dwell on Kakashi's verbal flaying. "Sasuke, do you really think we…?"

Sasuke glanced at the blond and sighed. "He's got a point, Naruto. Except for the part where we were trying to kill him with shuriken, we kind of…we didn't really work together."

"You and I did." Naruto felt that he had to point out.

"Yeah, but I think Kakashi wanted a bit more than that." Sasuke said as they reached Sakura. "Hey."

Sakura couldn't really help them while they cut the ropes, but she dusted herself as though nothing really important had happened once they were off. Then she looked at both of them and said, "Sasuke-kun, Naruto, we're not doing that great, are we?"

Sasuke shook his head. Naruto grumbled something, glaring in Kakashi's direction.

"We already tried kunai and shuriken, taijutsu, and a bit of ninjutsu." Sasuke said. "What now?"

Sakura frowned in thought. "Has anyone got smoke bombs? We might be able to blind him long enough for you two to get the bells."

Both of them looked at Naruto, who said, "What? I used up all my stuff a few fights ago."

"I guess they wouldn't have worked on a jounin anyway." Sakura admitted. "Not unless they had itching powder or something." She muttered something and tugged irritably at her hair. "How are we going to do this? You have to pass!"

"…Wait. What?" Sasuke actually paused in his strategizing, staring at Sakura. "Were you talking to both of us?"

"Um, yeah." She blushed. "I-I mean…look, I know I'm not as good of a shinobi as you two. I saw you both fight Sensei. I can't…" She looked away, embarrassed, and stumbled for an excuse. "I can't inflict Naruto on those poor chuunin-sensei now! It'd be inhumane!"

"What?" Naruto squawked. "But you've always wanted to be on a team with Sasuke! You even said so earlier!"

"It's not going to happen now, Naruto." Sakura told him firmly. Her eyes were watering. "If I'm on your team now, I'll just hold you back."

"It's not going to happen." Sasuke cut in before Naruto could dig himself deeper. No matter how much Sakura irritated him, he could at least acknowledge how much she was giving up just by saying that. "Two bells for three genin? That's bullshit. It's like he wanted us to…"

Everything slid into place. Sasuke mentally kicked himself for being a moron. He and Naruto had even gotten the teamwork lecture earlier that morning!

"…I _really_ hate Kakashi-nii right now." Sasuke said after he'd made a sort of hissing noise from between his teeth for a moment or two. He had to resist the urge to smack himself in the face.

Sakura's expression became thunderous. "Did he seriously…?"

Sasuke nodded slowly. "Just to screw with us."

Naruto scratched his head and said, "What?"

"The bells were just a distraction." Sakura explained, frowning. "Sensei was just trying to get us to fight among ourselves for the bells. I think…I think the test is really about our teamwork."

"But that can't be all of it." Naruto pointed out. "You remember how we kinda teamed up toward the end there. And we were walking around together for a bit before that, planning. If it was only teamwork, we probably would have passed right then."

"…Maybe it's just more teamwork than we're showing?" Sakura suggested. "I mean, what's the ultimate form of teamwork…?" She trailed off. Her eyes were dark. "Self-sacrifice for the sake of your team. The bells were meant to keep us from thinking about it."

"Wait, Sakura—!" Naruto began, but the pink-haired kunoichi had already waved to Kakashi and beckoned him over.

The jounin suddenly appeared in the tree above them. "Hm? Did you decide?"

"Yes, I'll—" Sakura began, but Sasuke and Naruto cut her off at the same time.

"We'll all fail."

"Oh?" Kakashi tilted his head to the side, as though curious. "You'll all just be shipped back to Iruka, you know."

"Iruka-nii's not that bad." Naruto said, grinning. "And a year isn't that long." Especially when he thought of how many pranks he could pull in his newfound free time.

"Your rules are all bullshit anyway." Sasuke said flatly. "We're not letting Sakura go off and fail alone after this." Facing a jounin, it hadn't been that bad of a showing, really. At least now he knew how far he had to go before he could beat Itachi.

"She was pretty good today! Even being in the Academy again, with her and Sasuke around won't be so bad. Right, Sakura-chan?" The blond added, turning to the girl with that same reassuring smile.

Sakura looked like she was about to cry. "Guys…" Maybe the Academy wouldn't be so bad. With these two…with these two, she could do anything. Making genin again would be a piece of cake.

"Well, in that case…" Kakashi eye-smiled down at them. "In that case, you all pass. Congratulations!"

He got a round of blank stares.

"What?"

"You mean we actually…?" Naruto's grin threatened to split his face.

Sakura and Naruto shouted together, "HELL YEAH!"

Sasuke shook his head helplessly and smiled at their antics.

Kakashi considered getting a prescription for painkillers, because he was absolutely sure that this team would be a headache. "Well, Team Seven, you're dismissed."

And yet he just sat there. His genin all stared at him. "What?"

"You still have something to say, or else you'd be gone already." Naruto pointed out.

Kakashi shrugged. "I just wanted to know if anyone particularly wanted to go out to eat as a team…?"

"Ichiraku's?" Naruto demanded quickly. Apparently his ramen addiction hadn't waned in the slightest.

"Nope!" Kakashi said cheerfully.

"Dammit!"

Kakashi sighed. "We're going to Sensei's house later, Naruto. _Your_ house, remember? There was this whole _thing_ about a celebration dinner with miso ramen and all sorts of stuff…?"

Something clicked in Naruto's head. "Oh, right! This'll be awesome!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Wait, we're going to eat with the _Hokage_?" Sakura yelped. "I-I need to get ready!"

"There's not really any rush. I'm only paying for lunch anyway." Kakashi shrugged again. "So, if you don't particularly want to eat barbeque, you can skip until dinner. _That's_ mandatory. Hokage's orders and all that."

"Oh, um. Okay." Sakura sighed with relief. "When's it going to be?"

"Six, I think. It's only a little after noon, now." Kakashi replied.

Sakura nodded.

"Which barbeque place are we going to?" Sasuke asked.

"Oh, you know the one run by the Akimichi clan, right?"

Naruto nearly bounced in his excitement. "Hey, that means we might end up seeing Chouji and Shikamaru! I wonder if they passed? And…wait, where are you going?"

And this was only said because his team had begun to walk off without him. He ran to catch up.

* * *

They didn't end up making it that far.

Obito stared up at the insanity. "Is it possible to smack yourself in the face so hard that you actually end up killing brain cells? Because I think I might need to, just to get this out of my head."

Sasuke groaned and buried his face in his hands.

Far above, a voice shrieked, "KAKASHI-SAMAAAAAA!"

"Okay, so I understand the whole thing with lunch break and going to Sensei's house later and all that, but seriously. _Fangirls_. From the alleyways." Obito laughed, but not very loudly so he could avoid attracting their attention. "It was like they were lying in wait for you guys."

Sakura stared, wide-eyed with horror. "They aren't going to _catch_ him, are they?"

"…I don't think so?" Obito guessed. "He _is_ a jounin…"

"Can we just get the hell out of here?" Naruto whimpered.

"Here" was roughly twenty feet from safety—meaning the Akimichi barbeque restaurant. They'd been walking along quite innocently, only thinking of lunch and therefore salvation from starvation. It had been quite normal, overall. Obito had showed up to bother Kakashi about his new team of genin, Sakura had seen Ino walk by and started a fight with her, and Naruto and Sasuke had been minding their own business. They had completely missed the glint of the eye of a dozen nearby women until the ambush was already underway.

And that was why Kakashi was no longer anywhere to be seen. The slightest hint of a fan club pursuit led to the jounin damn near teleporting away in a burst of white smoke.

"Where were you going?" Obito asked, shaking Sakura out of her flashback.

"There." Sasuke said, pointing out the building in question.

"Ah." Obito said neutrally. "That doesn't seem like a good idea anymore."

Various fan club members stalked the streets all around the last place Kakashi had been spotted. Sasuke shuddered.

"In that case, can we go to Ichiraku's? Please?" Naruto asked, hiding behind Sakura as a fangirl passed.

Obito ruffled his hair. "Sure, Chibi-Sensei."

Naruto stuck his tongue out at him and they began the walk to the boy's favorite restaurant in the whole wide world.

"Um, who are you again?" Sakura asked after a moment. When Obito blinked down at her, confused, she added, "I mean, I know you're a jounin, but how do you know everyone on the team? I just…uh. Sorry."

Obito smiled. "I'm Uchiha Obito, sort of the head of the Uchiha clan insofar as it even really exists. Sasuke and his brother are my cute little cousins." He pointed at Naruto, who was running ahead of them. "He's Sensei's kid, and Kakashi and I were on a team as chuunin back in the day."

"Didn't you get assigned to Touchan's team back when you were a genin?" Sasuke cut in.

Obito scratched his head. "Well, yeah, but Kakashi was already a chuunin by the time Rin and I met Sensei. I made chuunin when I was eleven."

"Wow." Sakura said. "We're twelve and we're barely genin…"

"I graduated three years earlier than you did, though." Obito pointed out. "The Third Great Shinobi War was still on back then."

"When did you become a jounin, then?" Sakura asked, curiosity piqued.

"When I was seventeen," Obito said with a shrug. "That's about nine years ago, now. Oh, hey, we're here."

Teuchi waved. Naruto had already taken up a spot at the counter and was drumming his fingers on the table while he waited for his team to catch up.

"What would you like?"

"Hm…Salt ramen." Obito said, pulling out his wallet. "What about you guys?"

"Miso ramen!" Naruto said happily.

"Shrimp ramen, I think." Sasuke said.

"Um…I'll have salt ramen, too." Sakura added. Well, her diet was certainly over. And yet, looking across the countertop to the kind old man and along it to her teammates, she found that as far as pangs of regret went, it was pretty darn minor. She was with Sasuke-kun and Naruto (who wasn't anywhere near as bad as she'd thought), she had a new sensei and was going to meet the Hokage later. Things didn't get much better.

But when Kakashi joined them about five minutes later, muttering about fangirls and revenge and Obito being a moron, it did, indeed, get better.

* * *

A few hours later, Sakura was walked to the Hokage's front door by her teammates. Really, Sasuke had escorted her most of the way because he had been the only one to realize that she probably didn't know exactly where the place was. Naruto had joined them halfway through, cackling about something to do with Kakashi and Obito, and proceeded to make sure that they couldn't become bored with _anything_. Naruto and boring simply didn't belong in the same universe.

"How did you manage to get out of cleaning the Hokage monument, anyway?" Sasuke asked as they approached the house.

Naruto grinned. "Kage bunshin and a lot of paint stripper."

"Thought so." Sasuke commented with a smirk.

"Why'd you even paint the monument to begin with?" Sakura had to know.

"Well, I just wanted to get off one _really_ good prank before I had to start acting like a genin." Naruto explained. "I mean, we had our tests that day, but I knew I'd pass. So it was kind of like my last hurrah."

"So you're not pulling pranks anymore?" Sakura asked.

"Well, I might go back to it a few times, but I think Konoha's got the picture now."

Sasuke sighed. "You would."

As they approached the house, Kakashi appeared behind them in a burst of smoke and noise. Oddly enough, he didn't have that little orange book with him when the smoke cleared. "Yo."

"You were almost late, Sensei." Sakura said reproachfully.

Kakashi shrugged, smiling under his mask. "But I'm not. So it doesn't count one way or another."

Naruto scoffed. "No one would ever miss out on Kaachan's cooking on purpose anyway. Not even you."

"True, true." Kakashi allowed. He raised his hands to knock on the door. "So, do you know what—?"

He was cut off before his knuckles even hit the wood. The door was flung open revealing, to Sakura's surprise, a beautiful woman with long red hair and bright violet eyes. She looked so much like Naruto that there was no way they weren't related. Their smiles were completely identical, too.

She somehow managed to get Naruto, Sasuke, and Kakashi in one huge hug. "My babies!"

Sakura heard someone's spine crack.

After a moment or two, the woman released all of Sakura's teammates. Naruto and Sasuke coughed and Kakashi just collapsed across the threshold, but she didn't seem to care about that. "Hey, are you Haruno Sakura?"

"Um…yes?" Sakura tried not to cringe, but after seeing what her teammates had been reduced to, it was hard.

The woman's grin was almost blinding. "Cool! I'm Namikaze Kushina. Are you coming in?"

"…What about them?" Sakura asked, pointing at her fallen teammates.

"They'll be fine." Kushina said dismissively, and dragged Sakura into the house.

* * *

Nariko was asleep in a tree when Momo found her. She was curled into the crook of the tree, in her smallest black fox form, and snoring with her mouth wide open and drooling from the corner of her mouth. She would have been fairly unobtrusive to the vast majority of people in Konoha, even the shinobi, because she wasn't doing anything interesting or evil.

Momo considered this fact. Then climbed part of the way up the tree and bit her sister's tail as hard as she could.

Naruto yelped and fell out of the tree with Momo on her tail, still clinging with her tiny kit teeth. She whirled on her attacker and, for a moment, ended up running around in a tight circle as her tail lashed. Then her eyes went wide and she stopped, staring and hissing all at once.

"Momo," Nariko growled, "_what the hell are you doing_?"

Momo let go. She shrank a little under her sister's glare. "I, uh…"

Nariko let her sister flounder for a moment as she inspected her tail for blood. The kit apparently hadn't managed to break skin through the thick fur, but there was still the slight issue of how _she'd bitten her older sister_. Who had essentially _raised_ her. "Not one of your brightest moments, Momo." Nariko said flatly. "What did you want?"

"I…I have a message, Nariko-neechan." Momo tried to make herself look as small as possible, and it was at that point that Nariko saw the scroll strapped across her back.

"All right. Let's see it." Nariko said.

The little fox turned so that Nariko could transform and untie the knot without needing to reach over her. She slipped the scroll out of its case and unrolled it on the ground. The scroll wasn't paper at all—it seemed to be thin vellum backed with lizard youkai skin. It was nearly perfectly impervious to water, but it was probably four times as thick as it needed to be.

Nariko started from the top left and started reading the elaborate characters. Momo peeked nervously at the contents, trying to read the message upside-down.

"It's from Jiichan." Nariko frowned and unrolled the entire scroll with a flick of her wrist. The characters of her name had always been written phonetically whenever the hanyou was rushed for time—hiragana and katakana over kanji. It was faster that way. And there, at the left, was a series of sharp strokes that indicated her name in the simplest figures possible.

"Jiichan?" Momo said curiously. "They just give me the scroll and then don't tell me who it's from…"

"Maybe they don't want kits to see it." Nariko muttered, shooing Momo away from the message. "I'll take care of it. Just wait for a response."

"That'll take you forever!" Momo complained. "You write too slowly!"

"Just because I don't write everything in chicken scratch doesn't mean I can't write quickly." Nariko countered. "Give me a chance to read the whole thing, Momo."

Momo groaned, but she obediently turned her back and went back to the tree she'd spooked Nariko out of, apparently planning to lie down in the shade. "Hurry up, Neechan!"

"Don't rush me." Nariko replied. She lowered her eyes to the scroll again and concentrate on the message, and possibly deciphering a hidden code. If there was one.

_Nariko-chan,_

_Hey, it's Jiichan. How've you been?_

_I don't know if you got our last letter or not, since we were using one of those damn pigeons and you know there are enough bird-eaters out there to make sure the message never got through, but, well. Things happen._

_Nothing much is going on over here. Since we killed the last of Akihito's hidden detachments, most of the weaklings have been lying low. Sesshoumaru's been getting antsy about it. Not that anyone but Rin can really tell. Next thing you know, he's going to start chopping heads off. I'm calling it now._

_I know you asked last time about the whole mess with the ninjas and the borders and that curse thing. So, here's the news: there's no change whatsoever. Nobody really wants to have those backstabbers in our backyards. You want to bring a ninja back here? Too bad. Even if you are the diplomat (and how the hell you weaseled that out of Shippou I'll never know and I don't want to), no exceptions._

_For now, anyway. Maybe Sesshoumaru will grow a heart or something. I just know that the border only goes one way right now. _

_Thanks for the map, by the way. Now when stupid youkai make it across the borders, we can figure out which countries are gonna be pissed off at us. And we can remember which countries are too stupid to visit. So far we haven't gotten any of those tree-huggers you work with, but I'm not feeling too charitable toward ninjas right now. Just saying._

_But even if all this is going on, your Baachan still wants to go back. She's been talking about these ofuda she left in Nami, wherever the hell that is. Something about tsukumogami and how it's all gonna blow up soon-ish. And she wants to check out this tree-hugger village. I'm against it, but you know how she gets sometimes. Getting "Osuwari" used on you a couple dozen times isn't fun, even if you're already arguing._

(At this, Nariko pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head. Some things just didn't change. Ever.)

_So find some big event. Something with lots of food and people and not a whole lot of security. Then we'll pack up our stuff and hoof it over there. It might be…interesting._

_Love,_

_Jiichan_

Nariko blinked. She reread the letter, twice. She glanced at Momo, who was already snoozing under a tree. Then she carefully re-rolled the scroll, walked over to the tree, and started hitting her forehead against the bark.

"Nariko-neechan, what's wrong?" Momo squeaked.

"I think I'm gonna have to invite Jiichan and Baachan to the some big political thing here." Nariko wailed. "And I have to tell Minato-sama!" _Not to mention the ofuda going bad and the stupid trip to Nami I'm going to have to make and all the utter insanity this is going to involve…_

"And that's…bad?"

Nariko stomped off and started shouting in a language Momo was completely unfamiliar with. But she was fairly sure that most of them were fairly horrible curses.

* * *

**A/N:** Now Team Seven is actually a team (but not quite the same way as before...), and there is heavy-handed foreshadowing. Hooray!

Also, I know that more than a few people have read this. Would any of you mind dropping me a review? I mean, it's nice that you're stopping by, but could you please also give me your opinion on what I can improve? Further suggestions for running gags are also welcome.

* * *

Next chapter preview:

"_What kind of moron tries to fight with bubbles__?"_

"_Are you trying to annoy me on purpose, Souten-san?"_

"_No! I just want you to branch out into some actual attacks before some jackass 'inventively' makes you run out of soap!"_

"…_Perhaps."_

"_You're so __**stubborn**__, Utakata-kun. It'll get you killed someday."_

"_Hopefully not anytime soon, then."_


	11. Let's Get Down to Business

**Let's Get Down To Business**

"_Let's get down to business  
"To defeat the Huns  
"Did they send me daughters  
"When I asked for sons?  
"You're the saddest bunch  
"I ever met  
"But you can bet  
"Before we're through  
"Mister, I'll make a man  
"Out of you!"_

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry. I'm a major Disney fan.

Fun fact: Clouds are a composed of a lot less water than you'd think.

* * *

"_S-S-Souten?" Shippou squeaked, staring down the hall to where the doors had been thrown wide open and a small, drenched figure had come in from the storm._

_Souten smiled, feeling her throat close on her next words, "I'm home."_

_Shippou ran the length of the hall to welcome his wife, and swept her up into his arms with tears in his eyes. "I missed you so much, Souten."_

_Souten threw her arms around her husband's neck and nodded, not trusting herself to speak any more than she had._

* * *

Sakura was getting used to life with Team Seven.

Naruto wasn't exactly the brightest genin around, but he was extremely strong in his own way. They'd discovered the extent of the blond's chakra reserves the hard way—whenever it was time to do another D-ranked mission, he'd create up to twenty or thirty bunshin just to take care of the weeding or the fence-painting. And since they did three D-ranks a day and spent the rest of the day on team training, Naruto usually ended up making two hundred of them per day.

Initially, Sakura hadn't thought the technique was that taxing, but then Kakashi had flatly banned her and Sasuke from learning it until their chakra reserves had doubled in size. That had certainly brought the seriousness of Naruto's talent to the forefront. And that didn't even touch on the training time he spent at home with his parents, who were both wind-natured like him. Given that his parents were the Yellow Flash and the Bloody Red Habanero, Sakura was sure he'd be the biggest threat on the battlefield when he grew up.

Sasuke had a wider variety of ninjutsu mastered, but he sat somewhere between Naruto in stamina and Sakura in chakra control. In all, it made him a more well-rounded genin and, ultimately, probably worthy of his rookie of the year designation. He was also the only one of them to start training with Obito (and Itachi) in fire manipulation, which was partially because he was his cousin and partially because Sasuke was the only one of their team who could use the techniques to start with. It turned out that some of the training the older Uchihas were giving him depended on an affinity for fire, which neither Sakura nor Naruto had.

As for Sakura, she'd only been on the team for about three weeks and came from a civilian background, to boot. There was a lot of room for improvement, even if she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to catch up to her teammates the way things were.

That was when Kakashi pulled her aside and tested what type of chakra she had.

"Earth, huh?" Kakashi had said as the chakra paper disintegrated between Sakura's fingers. "I only have a few Doton jutsu."

"So you can't teach me anything?" Sakura had been worried for about a minute, wondering how in the world she was supposed to catch up to her teammates and stop holding them back. She was the weak link in the team.

"I didn't say that." Kakashi had told her. But he didn't follow up on it and instead had asked, "How many chakra control exercises have you completed now?"

"Tree-climbing, water-walking, the leaf exercise, walking on water while trying the leaf exercise…" Sakura had rattled off, trying to suppress her disappointment.

Kakashi had said, "In that case, we're getting you another teacher."

"I'm not going to be on Team Seven anymore?" Sakura had asked, crushed.

Kakashi had given her a rather blank look and said, "Sakura, I'm _not_ kicking you off the team. I just want you to have some outside training opportunities like Sasuke and Naruto do."

"Oh." Sakura had been relieved, and she found herself smiling.

Kakashi had eye-smiled back. "So, we're going to see Rin."

And that was how Sakura had ended up being apprenticed to the most talented medic-nin in Konoha. Kakashi taught her combat ninjutsu he thought she could handle, like one that threw balls of mud up to sixteen meters, with speeds and solidity levels varying from "harmless" to "bone-shattering" depending on how much chakra was used. He also taught all of them about teamwork and shinobi philosophy and, basically, kept them well-rounded. Rin taught her how to put everything back together, usually including some comment about how the boys on any given team were probably going to get themselves killed without a decent medic around. She also taught Sakura how a medic was supposed to fight—quickly, carefully, and using chakra scalpels as blades.

Sakura didn't really think Rin's hit-and-run fighting style suited her, but she liked the older kunoichi and had long since decided that if she was going to be an apprentice, she'd be the best.

It was this discrepancy between training, skill, and mission difficulty that made Sakura hate D-ranks even more.

"Get that cat!"

It didn't even matter which one of the genin had said it—Tora was going down. It just took them half an hour to corner it, even with Naruto's legion of bunshin helping out.

"You know, I'm pretty sure jumping on a cat isn't the best way to avoid getting scratched." Kakashi commented later, while Sakura patched up the wicked-looking wounds on Naruto's face. The blond grumbled the whole time, or at least until Sakura threatened to punch him.

Sasuke, who was carrying the cat and suddenly very glad that he wore metal bracers under his arm warmers, said, "Why do we still have to chase this thing, again?"

"Why can't Shijimi-sama just keep her stupid cat indoors?" Sakura wondered.

"The answer to both of those questions is fairly simple." Kakashi said, turning back to his precious _Icha-Icha_.

His genin all looked at him expectantly.

"So what is it?" Naruto asked, since Kakashi didn't seem to be interested in saying anything.

"Hm? Oh, Shijimi-sama doesn't keep her cat indoors because she knows genin are always going to be assigned to catch him. And you're genin."

There was a long, contemplative pause among the members of Team Seven.

"What the hell?" Naruto shouted.

"Okay, you know what? We're never doing this mission again." Sasuke said flatly. "I'll defect to Suna before I go on another cat retrieval mission."

"That's barely even a reason!" Sakura protested. "No one would have to put up with Tora if Shijimi-sama was just more responsible!"

They waited for their sensei to respond, since he hadn't said anything even though all three of his students looked about ready to stage a revolt.

"Fine, no more chasing Tora." Kakashi agreed. He shrugged at their identical incredulous looks. It wasn't like he cared much for tracking down lost pets, either. "What do you three actually want to do after we drop the cat off? And don't say anything about ramen."

"Dammit!" said Naruto.

"What do we have left to do?" Sakura asked. "We already know we have to train with our chakra affinities, but Rin-sensei is working today and she'll be tired later. Itachi-sensei and Obito-sensei are busy on something to do with paperwork, too."

"Well, you could try fighting someone with different skills." Kakashi suggested with his nose still stuck in the book.

"We can't exactly spar with our old classmates just because, Kakashi-nii." Naruto pointed out. "We'd have to get permission from, say, Asuma-sensei or Kurenai-sensei on top of Kakashi-nii and that's not going to happen after that whole exploding sake bottle thing."

"Has it really been only three months since then?" Sasuke wondered aloud, still trying to keep Tora from clawing his face off. At least he still had all of his fingers, as far as he could tell.

"Just what did you do, Naruto?" Sakura asked.

Naruto grinned. "Oh, it wasn't me. Kaachan got creative at an all-jounin party."

Kakashi shuddered theatrically. Kushina was still several different kinds of terrifying, depending on her mood and level of boredom. "Anyway, back to the subject of training…?"

"Well, how about taijutsu?" Sakura suggested.

"…Not going there." Sasuke muttered. At her blank stare, he clarified, "Taijutsu means training with Gai, or someone like him, and we are _not_ going to deal with that and this stupid cat on the same day."

"Who did you have in mind?" Naruto asked Kakashi.

"Oh, just a chuunin named Umino Iruka." Kakashi said nonchalantly.

"…Iruka-sensei?" Sakura repeated.

"How come?" Naruto asked, baffled.

"I don't know anyone who's better at killing things with water." Kakashi said, eye-smiling at his three students. "I'll be helping him, of course, but we're going to meet him on a lake…"

All three genin groaned.

* * *

There was no time to react against this opponent. One mistake meant death. Utakata's hands blurred. Dragon. Tiger. Hare. "Suiton: Mizurappa!" A violently lashing wave of water—shaped like a cone—blasted from his mouth and closed in on his enemy.

She flashed a grin like a tiger's. And then she was up in the air, flying out of range on a pair of fiery wheels at her ankles. No one in Kiri had figured out how they worked yet. "Too slow, Utakata!" She didn't even bother to take her naginata off her shoulder for the counterattack. Instead, she pointed her open palm at him and lightning leapt from her splayed fingers toward the ground.

Utakata bolted to the safety of the rocks.

"You're not supposed to be trying to _kill_ him, Souten-san!" Harusame shouted from the ground, anxious for his student's sake.

"If he can't dodge a little display like that, what use is he?" Souten countered, still hovering fifty meters above their heads. She flew over the rockier segment of the training grounds, turning her attention back to the Kirigakure chuunin. "Come out, come out, wherever you are, Utakata-kun!"

Then, apparently impatient, she unleashed another blast of lightning that pulverized the rocks and blasted everything within its area of effect to dust.

Utakata appeared then, crouched in the center of a gigantic soap bubble that floated lazily in the air. He held up that odd little bubble-blower he'd picked up during one of his previous missions. "Round two, Souten-san?"

Souten's expression went blank, then incredulous. "What kind of moron tries to fight with _soap bubbles?_"

Utakata frowned. "Are you trying to annoy me on purpose, Souten-san?"

Souten shook her head. "No! I just want to see you branch out into some actual attacks before, say, you run out of soap." Almost inaudibly, she added, "And it's still a stupid technique. Honestly, _bubble-using ninjas_…that'll sure strike fear into the hearts of our enemies…"

"…Perhaps that's a valid point…" Utakata muttered. "Nonetheless. Our match?"

Souten rolled her eyes and sighed. "Sure, whatever. Don't complain when I put you in the hospital again."

Utakata raised the bubble pipe. "We will see, Souten-san."

"You're going to end up dead one of these days with an attitude like that." Souten informed him.

"Hopefully not anytime soon, then."

Both fighters then looked down at Harusame, who was getting out of their way. Not that it would have mattered much in an aerial battle, but there were such things as unnecessary risks. Once safely in the middle of a barrier seal, he waved an arm.

Souten charged again and, once more, Utakata started another set of hand seals.

It was amazing how well the strange woman was fitting in during her stay Kirigakure. After her abrupt appearance a few months previous and the initial shock—in which she'd fought off ANBU, chuunin, jounin, and even the Mizukage herself over the course of about an hour—the village had adapted to her and her quirks, and she had adapted to theirs. Though she tended to show up in the village without any warning after disappearing for a week or two, it seemed like she was fairly used to the general conduct of the island nation.

For one thing, she hadn't clubbed the stuffing out of Suigetsu for about a month. That was progress. It was also her way of finding out who it was safe to practice her own, rather brutal techniques on. Unfortunately, Utakata's status as a jinchuuriki—not that anyone was exactly sure how she had figured that out—had apparently dropped him squarely into the "okay" category, which meant that Harusame got to watch his student's weekly beating.

After another twenty minutes, Souten returned to ground level with an unconscious Utakata over her unarmored shoulder. There were surprisingly few electrical burns this time.

The woman sat by silently as Harusame and the medic on standby made sure Utakata was going to make a full recovery, looking bored. She could be her own brand of terrifying when her eyes lit up like red-flame candles and she showed off all of her wickedly sharp teeth. So far, no one in Kirigakure had managed to provoke her to the point that she actually used the naginata strapped across her back, and only the Mizukage had managed to get her to use both hands in a fight.

Once the medic had gone and they were left alone to watch Utakata sleep off the fight, Harusame turned to Souten and asked a question that had been bothering him for quite a while. "How did you know Utakata was a jinchuuriki?"

Souten, resting her head on her upturned palm, glanced over at him and shrugged. "No ordinary human could have broken the seal. I just went with what the reports suggested."

Harusame gasped, alarmed, "R-Reports? What reports?"

"Creating jinchuuriki by sealing a bijuu into a human is a lot more common than you'd think." Souten said, giving him a flat look. She frowned. "Every single one of the shinobi nations has one. Some have two. I've met most of the ones that were alive twelve years ago."

Harusame frowned even more severely. "Then you must know what a curse it is to place a child's fate in the claws of a monster…"

"I don't." Souten interrupted. She pointed at Utakata. "But I _have_ seen how humans treat them. They think the jinchuuriki are less than human and point to them as the cause of all the misery in the world. No child treated like that will grow up sane. If there _is_ a curse on the jinchuuriki, it's humankind."

"There must be a way to save Utakata from that fate." Harusame insisted stubbornly. "Without the bijuu—"

"—He'd be dead." Souten finished. Her eyes were glowing faintly. "Harusame-san, Utakata has a pretty normal life in spite of the bijuu. And every technique you could possibly think of to remove a bijuu…they all have the side effect of killing the host. There are no exceptions."

"How can you know that? You told me once that you barely had enough experience as a shinobi to qualify for genin." Harusame argued.

"It's basic logic—if something's fine where it is, leave it alone or face the consequences." Souten said. She sighed and stood up. "Look, Harusame-san, if it helps you at all, remember that bijuu are just monsters made of chakra. Utakata's fine as long as no one makes him tap into the bijuu's will to save himself or others. _Then_ things will get ugly."

Harusame pressed his lips together and said nothing.

Souten looked away. "Why am I even talking about this? It's not like it's my decision. I'm probably not going to be here when you make the choice anyway."

"Where will you go, then?" Harusame asked, changing the subject. "Those times you were gone for weeks…"

"I was heading home." Souten answered. She gave a humorless chuckle. "Honestly, I don't even know why I still hang around Kirigakure. My husband lives to the northwest, my daughter spends all of her time in Konohagakure, and yet I still keep coming back here."

"Are we that important to you?" Harusame wondered aloud. It was a bit of a shot in the dark, but…

"Well, maybe. You and Utakata, Mei-san and Choujuurou and Suigetsu…" Souten shrugged again. "Kirigakure isn't a bad place. But home is somewhere else, and I think it's time this vacation was over."

"In that case, I hope you return." Harusame said, standing as well.

Souten smiled sadly. "So do I." She pulled something that looked like a water flask off her belt. There was a cork in it, which she pulled out with a popping sound.

The bottle spat out a dark gray cloud that sparked and roared like a miniature thundercloud, slithering up and out of the clearing in a wide spiral. Souten raised a hand to shade her eyes as a bolt of lightning leapt from the cloud to a tree and made it explode.

"You keep a thunderstorm in a bottle?" Harusame shouted over the roar of the storm.

"Where else?" Souten replied with a manic grin.

It was then that Harusame noticed that the cloud wasn't dispersing like a normal one. It kept spiraling up and up and, if he was looking at it with the right mindset, it seemed as though the tip was shaping itself into some kind of head.

Souten reached out and waved her fingers three times through the base of the miniaturized storm.

Gray clouds blew aside in a surprising blast of wind to reveal thirty meters of bright red scales, wings, fur, and claws. The beast vanished into the clouds before Harusame could get a good look at it, but then it came back and landed right next to them.

The cloud had turned into a thirty-meter dragon. It was indeed bright red—every shade from crimson to nearly vermillion—with black, deer antlers jutting from its head, next to a pair of small ears. Its jaws were wide and squared off, as well as full of teeth, and it had two long whiskers on each side of its nose. Its body was so long that its body doubled up on itself when it tried to sit down. Red wings the size of sails were pressed tight to its sides. But none of that seemed to bother Souten, who was patting it on the nose as though there was nothing unusual about having a dragon for a pet.

"Kouryuu, it's time to go home." Souten informed him tartly. "Don't give me that look."

The dragon grumbled, "Easy for you to say. Why did you have to stick me in a sake bottle anyway?"

"Because otherwise you'd have scared everyone away." Souten said. She smirked. "Now, we're going home. Chop-chop, Kouryuu."

Kouryuu grumbled something else, but it spread its wings and took off with enough force to blast the entire clearing with the wind from its wings.

Souten turned to Harusame, gave him a quick salute, and followed her beast into the air.

Harusame wondered if it was too early for him to retire.

* * *

Team Eight had fallen into a pattern over the last few weeks.

Hinata tried desperately to improve on her taijutsu, though Kurenai could only help her so much since what they really needed was another Jyuken user. But then something would come up at home—whether an ill-timed remark by Neji or something otherwise innocuous to anyone with more self-confidence than an earthworm—and then Hinata would collapse into a little ball of self-loathing for a week or more. Kurenai, as a jounin-ranked kunoichi, always wondered if she was going about the entire process of building up the girl's confidence the wrong way. One month of being a full genin with a full team probably was slightly too short of a time to see improvement, but Kurenai had still expected _something_.

Kiba was, at least, absolutely brimming with energy, confidence, and (to a certain degree) cursing. That really depended on whether or not he'd been put up against Shino on a bad day—the Aburame wasn't as fast as Kiba, but he was several orders of magnitude more intelligent. Kiba was impulsive even in sparring matches, which meant that he lost roughly half the time if his opponent thought more than two seconds ahead of him. It was probably why he didn't dominate the taijutsu practice sessions once Kurenai had pointed that out.

As for Shino, he was a solid genin with chuunin intelligence. Most of his techniques were dependent on his clan techniques, though Kurenai drilled him mercilessly on taijutsu once she realized that he wasn't keeping up with his teammates. His kikaichu were devastating, but also woefully slow, and there was only so much Kurenai could do when the ones who needed speed training were bugs. Now she only had to hope that Shino could get to his opponents faster than they could get to him.

That monotony was about to end.

"_SUITON: DAIBAKUFU NO JUTSU_!"

There was a sound like a dam giving way.

Then, a trio of terrified screams that, to Kurenai, sounded vaguely familiar. She didn't notice the way Hinata sat bolt upright when she heard them. "AAAAAAGH!"

And then the wave hit.

Kurenai knew instantly that it was the effect of a high-powered Suiton jutsu, but pretty much everything after that was just a guess. She leapt into a tree to dodge the worst of its effects , as did her students, and spotted something orange in the water.

Hinata did, too, and leapt for it even though Kurenai hadn't gotten around to teaching her water-walking. Kurenai followed, even though the water level was dropping, and the two kunoichi ended up hauling a furious Namikaze Naruto out of the water.

Once he was safely on the branch, he shouted, "That's _it_! We're _done_ with training, Kakashi-nii!" in the direction the wave had come from. "We're less likely to die on a mission than _this_!"

"Oh, I don't know about that…" Kurenai jumped (only a little, though) when she heard that voice coming from above her head. _Kakashi_!

Naruto whipped around, making Hinata lose her grip on his jacket, and snapped, "Then where the hell are Sakura and Sasuke?"

"Over there." Kakashi said, and pointed to the next group of trees. There, Shino and Kiba had managed to drag their Team Seven counterparts to safety, even though the two were apparently furious. "So, you survived Iruka's best attack. Thoughts?"

Naruto vanished in a burst of smoke, swearing profusely.

"Huh. Kage bunshin, again." Then Kakashi vanished, too, and Kurenai and Hinata got to watch as Sakura and Sasuke likewise exploded.

"…Team Seven is _insane_." Kiba muttered.

Kurenai suppressed the urge to smack herself in the face with her free hand. "...Let's just get back to training."

* * *

Yamaguchi Kei was a relatively normal chuunin. She stayed awake during mission briefings, she filed paperwork, she wrote reports, and she killed people occasionally. She led a team of fellow kunoichi who shared spectacularly bad luck with previous team assignments, much like she did, which led to them having to work mostly alone. They were known by the names Team Kei, Team Kaboom, and, when their run was particularly bad, Team Collateral Damage. She was the normal one, the one who actually had to tally up their losses for a given missions and dock her friends' pay after yet another spectacular screw-up. They were all very responsible, captain-like duties to attend to. But with one of her team members waylaid in the hospital, their team was stuck in Konoha for the time being, and it was time to start revisiting the marvels of a second paycheck.

As it so happened, Kei was a part-time mission office paperwork ninja whenever Umino couldn't make it. She spent most of her time on the road where his only job seemed to be teaching Academy students, so someone in the bureaucracy had tied their schedules together. And she'd gotten called in.

There was really no reason for someone like her to have to face down Inabikarito Nariko when the ambassador was in the middle of blowing up at her, but there wasn't really any other choice. Paperwork ninja didn't cut and run. There were guards for that.

"So, let me get this straight." Kei said quickly as the woman paused for breath. Inabikarito could go on for hours when she was riled up—almost everyone who worked with the Hokage much could testify to that. "You want me to write up a mission scroll for a B-ranked escort mission to Nami no Kuni?"

"Yes," said Ambassador Inabikarito.

Kei scribbled it down. She didn't have the authority to write up an official scroll, but chances were she knew someone who did. Or she'd just leave this particular mess for Iruka to handle when he got over his newest bout of chakra exhaustion. What the hell had happened to him, anyway?

"And what are the relevant details?" Kei asked.

Inabikarito told her.

It was a very long list.

"Tsukumogami don't exist." Kei said after Nariko had told her about the mission's warning labels.

"The only other explanation is that the people who were dying over there somehow managed to crush themselves with a cabinet. I somehow doubt that," the ambassador said.

_Bullshit_. Kei thought. Instead, she said, "And you want this to have _B-ranked_ pay? Are there enemy shinobi?"

"Not that I know of." Inabikarito admitted. "But considering the economic state of Nami, I wouldn't be surprised if roaming nuke-nin were around. It's been a pretty lawless place since Gatou moved in."

Kei frowned. If he really was a destabilizing factor in Nami, her team would probably be called in at some point to destroy him and all of his assets. _Someone_ would take issue with him. "I thought Gatou was just a shipping mogul." Granted, a stupidly rich one, but he was a civilian. Civilians were, by definition, harmless.

"More like a gangster," the woman said. "But regardless of what he is, he hires more thugs than I think any decent businessman should ever need. And then there are the executions…" She frowned. "A bit overkill for a civilian lording over a bunch of other civilians, don't you think?"

Kei had never been educated in economic theory, but being a Konoha-nin had given her a fairly solid backing in philosophy. When you were the same age as Uchiha Itachi, it was inevitable. History and facts had been Kei's own choice, though. And Nami no Kuni had never had a daimyo. "Is part of the mission goal going to be assassination?"

Inabikarito shook her head. "I don't think I can justify it to Minato-sama, at any rate. No, I think I just need a couple of chuunin or tokubetsu jounin to help me clear out the ofuda and tsukumogami while keeping people safe. And possibly dragging me back here if something happens."

"Are you expecting that much trouble?" Kei asked, humoring her.

"Only flesh wounds," was the reply.

Kei frowned. "I've seen you training with several jounin. If you're still alive after getting kicked around by Maito Gai, you probably don't need an escort."

"I'm not a Konoha-nin, though, and I don't have any real authority outside of my ties back home," said the ambassador. "It'd be kind of nice to actually have some kind of official presence."

"But they're not really going to be there on official business. Isn't it going to be like really dangerous pest control?"

Inabikarito sighed. "Look, I just want someone along in case this all blows up in my face. I don't trust genin with this kind of thing and I don't want any dead weight in case _I_ end up being the dead weight. That's all. Write it up."

Kei scribbled dutifully on her notepad. Possibility of meeting nuke-nin, possibility of pissing off a corporate giant, possibility of being killed by animated furniture. Well, she already had a pair of tokubetsu jounin in mind for this kind of thing. No need to waste fully- qualified jounin on this, or risk chuunin.

She rolled up the message and handed it to the supervisor on duty once the ambassador had left. On the outside, she had written, _Recommended for Shiranui Genma and Namiashi Raidou._

The bastards had swiped her team's extremely profitable demolition mission to take out a spy complex in the outskirts of Konohagakure. And they'd pretty much botched it, too. As a result, Kei had had to put up with Asahina bitching about it for a week and a half before nearly blowing herself up on their next assignment to do roughly the same thing, and that didn't even take into account the fact that the two idiots hadn't made sure to extract all of the information still in the buildings.

Revenge—no matter how incredibly petty—was sweet.

* * *

"So, I was thinking…this is a load of crap." Naruto announced as they sat down in the park. He was sitting in the lower boughs of the nearest tree, while Sakura flopped down at the roots to take a breather. There was no way of knowing where Kakashi would strike from next, even when training was over for the day and he was supposed to be dealing with the paperwork.

"Which part?" Sasuke asked, lying on the nearest bench. He tossed his medical pack to Sakura, who had been declared their team's medic about a week beforehand, and sighed. "The part with the pointless D-ranks to 'build teamwork' or the bit about almost getting killed in a team training session? Thanks for the bunshin distraction, by the way."

"No problem." Naruto said.

"Sensei's idea of training leaves a lot to be desired." Sakura said carefully, holding up a roll of bandages for inspection. "Though I do like meeting Rin-sensei and learning medical techniques."

"Well, Rin-neechan is awesome that way." Naruto said with a grin. "So is Obito-nii, but he's pretty much never around anymore since he hasn't got a team anymore."

"Aniki goes on missions with him. A lot." Sasuke put in. He paused. "I'm not sure if it's because they're jounin or because they're Uchiha."

"How are all these people related to you two, anyway?" Sakura asked, blinking. "I mean…you both have different last names, but your mom…" Sakura trailed off, embarrassed.

"Sasuke's adopted." Naruto said, shrugging. "Same with Itachi-nii. I mean, it's not totally official, but Touchan's been taking care of Sasuke and Itachi-nii since the Uchiha massacre. Obito-nii wasn't old enough then, so Touchan decided to take them all in. Rin-nee and Kakashi-nii were his students, so they got sorta-adopted too."

"I heard about the massacre." Sakura said, swallowing hard and wondering how her stupid mouth had gotten her into this again. Oh, sure, Naruto might not have thought it was a big deal, but Sasuke…

"I was four months old. Kaachan talks about my parents if I ask, but…well, I don't remember them." Sasuke said mildly. "Aniki does, though. He was five when it happened."

"Oh, wow…" Sakura said faintly. "I didn't mean—um, I hope I'm not prying or anything. Sorry."

"It's been twelve years." Sasuke told her. "I think we're mostly over it. But don't bring it up in front of Aniki or Obito-nii. Ever."

"I won't." Sakura said meekly.

"Anyway, enough about old drama like that." Naruto said dismissively. "Back to the important stuff—how the hell are we supposed to get a C-rank with Kakashi breathing down our necks about teamwork? And training, too, but we kinda need that. Teamwork, not so much."

"Just because we get along doesn't mean we know how to work together," Sakura felt compelled to add.

"And how the hell are we supposed to learn if we don't ever get to go out of the village?" Naruto asked. "It's been weeks of weeding and shopping and stupid babysitting missions!"

"I guess some hands-on experience would be fun…" Sakura admitted. "But a C-rank only means we have to fight bandits, right? Or maybe deliver messages."

"Anything's better than this." Sasuke grumbled.

"Then what are we supposed to do about it?" Sakura asked. "We're still genin—we just get assigned missions as a team. I guess Sensei might actually do the requesting part, but I don't think we can do that without him…can we?"

"Even if we can't, we can make it pretty clear this whole 'almost killing us through training and then not giving us the good missions' thing needs to stop." Naruto set his jaw stubbornly. "Come on. I know Iruka-nii can't work in the mission office right now, but there's gotta be _someone_ who'll listen…"

* * *

Minato groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose to stave off a headache. This past week had been busy, annoying, and, in its special way, one of the closest experiences he'd ever had to hell. Mostly in the form of paperwork, since his student and _his_ students had decided that property damage was just an inevitable side-effect of training. And then there was the other issue. "So, Kakashi, what is this I hear about your genin team staging a revolt?"

Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "If it's about the mission room thing and how Yamaguchi never wants to see us ever again, I had nothing to do with it."

Minato suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. "Yes, I know. Yamaguchi-san specifically mentioned that you weren't there, and that's the problem. _Why_ was your team harassing the mission desk staff?"

"_Apparently_ I haven't been giving them enough challenging missions." Kakashi said mildly. "So they decided to try and take it to the mission office lady instead."

Minato facepalmed. "From what I heard, it ended when Yamaguchi-san got into a shouting match with Sakura. And then she literally threw all three of them out of the building." What a _mess_. "I suppose that disqualifies her from being a teacher's assistant at the Academy. _Again_."

"She was applying?" Kakashi asked blankly.

"Yes, ever since she became the leader of Team Kei." Minato shrugged. "Apparently she needs the money, since her team seems to knock itself out of mission readiness every few months." At Kakashi's continuing blank stare, Minato added, "Their other name is 'Team Collateral Damage,' if you haven't heard."

_That_ rung a bell. "They let _them_ teach Academy students?" It actually explained a lot about the most recent batch of genin. Mostly the insanity.

"No, we don't." Minato said dryly. "There isn't enough insurance on the building." _Thank god._ "But anyway, what are you going to do about your team and the fact that they seem to be going crazy without any danger? And I might remind you that two of those students are my children, so think it over carefully."

"It's probably time for their first C-ranked mission." Kakashi said after a moment. He shrugged. "While they've only been genin for about two months, it's not as though they can't work together, and all of them are getting outside tutoring." He paused. "Actually, why _don't_ we do that with other genin teams? Sakura's from a civilian family, but Naruto and Sasuke are yours—if it wasn't for Rin, she'd be years behind them."

"It's difficult for shinobi to entrust strangers with clan techniques." Minato said. He flipped through a few files. "And I think Sakura is the _only_ one of this graduating class with a civilian background. It would have been up to you to make up the difference."

_I can just see __**that**__ going horribly wrong_. "She's bright, but I doubt that would be enough." Kakashi said, wondering exactly how fractured his team might have been. He suppressed a shudder. Sasuke and Naruto would be powerhouses, yes, but Sakura's potential would be completely wasted without someone to steer her toward _somewhere_. "Still, the C-rank might give them enough time to sort everything out. I think they should be able to deal with bandits without much trouble…after all, you _are_ teaching Naruto the Rasengan, aren't you?"

Minato looked away, whistling innocently. "Classified."

"Kushina-neesan is going to _kill_ you." Kakashi crossed his arms. "Granted, she'll kill _me_ right after for letting him use in it in the field, if I do…"

"The basic Rasengan isn't that dangerous and you know it." Minato said.

"Oh no, it's going to be the _elemental_ variants that'll be the death of me." Kakashi agreed sarcastically, wondering if he was late for his team's practice meeting yet. "Or _you_ teaching him the Hiraishin."

"Oh, you don't have to worry about that." Minato said mildly. "After all, you're the one who gets to look after them on their first mission outside the village walls."

The implications sank in. "Oh, _hell_."

"Yep." Minato said brightly. "Get your team in here and we'll see what we can assign them."

* * *

Looking out over the mountains from the sheltered, tiered pavilion that was his home, the most powerful hanyou in the world lounged in the branches of a tall oak. His wife yawned, leaning against his shoulder, and tried to concentrate as her husband looked over the reports from the borders. Normally, she would have contributed more, but every village within fifty kilometers had asked her to set up more wards against bad fortune and hostile youkai attack. The requests had only just started to slack off, even twelve years after Akihito's defeat. The strongest miko in the land was taking the opportunity to rest for the next great threat, which meant that her husband had to do everything for a while.

The on-and-off conflict with the shinobi countries wasn't helping matters much.

Finally, Inuyasha tossed the scroll over his shoulder in frustration. "_Ninjas_."

"It's not like we haven't seen them before." Kagome paused to yawn. "Well, I suppose chakra isn't quite what I expected…"

"It's not that, Kagome." Inuyasha said, scowling. "Souten got stuck in a teapot for _twelve fucking years_. Nari-chan told us _exactly_ what happened to Haru-chan and Ume-chan. I don't trust any of them, no matter what she says."

Kagome sighed. "Remember when they were just getting started?"

"Remember? Kagome, I remember Sesshoumaru _punching their Rokudo Sennin in the face_." Inuyasha grinned suddenly. "For some guy who needed only a little help to shut a three-hundred-meter human-shaped chakra monster, he had a pretty lousy left hook."

_Of course, that would be the part he actually finds funny_. Though it kind of was, when you got down to it—Sesshoumaru still hadn't told anyone precisely what he'd done to help the man regarding that giant menace, but everyone seemed to walk away from that meeting alive. Mostly. "Well, yes, but do you remember the time before all those hidden villages popped up?"

"It's only been a hundred years, so yeah, I do." Inuyasha said suspiciously. She was going somewhere with this.

"These shinobi are the descendants of samurai, not real ones." Kagome concluded. "I asked Nari-chan about how they acted, both in battle and otherwise. Strip away all their special techniques, and the system they have is pretty similar. Mixed in with a bit of the citizen soldier ideal, though."

"That'd explain all that stupid shit they keep doing." Inuyasha muttered. "Add in youkai blood a couple of times over the generations, and you've got their kind of ninja. And all the weird hair."

Kagome nodded. "I met a boy who reminded me a bit of you, back in Nami no Kuni."

"Really?" Inuyasha said, surprised.

"Only a little." Kagome smiled. "But it makes you wonder how many families have ties back here."

"Maybe we can track them down when we go to this 'Konoha' place." Inuyasha said, putting an arm around her shoulder. He sniffed, twitching one canine ear. "Come on, dinner's waiting."

Kagome giggled. "After you."

* * *

The next day was slightly saner.

"Team Seven reporting for duty." Kakashi announced, shoving his entire team of nearly-rogue genin into the big meeting room.

"Thank you, Kakashi." Minato said dryly. "I can see that."

Yamaguchi Kei, who was _still_ on duty, glared.

The three assembled genin of Team Seven stood in the center of the room, with expressions ranging from mortally embarrassed (Sakura) to smug (Naruto) and stoic (Sasuke). Minato groaned inwardly.

"For Team Seven, we have five available missions." Yamaguchi said blandly. She handed the scrolls to Minato, who nodded sagely and checked them. There was only one C-ranked mission among them.

"Well, let's see." Minato said mildly. "I see Kazama-san needs someone to weed her garden, there's a request from the Inuzuka clan to walk their dogs…babysitting…" He was starting to see why Naruto had tried leading a revolution.

In fact, Naruto looked like he was about to explode.

Minato grinned and drew it out. "…and, finally, a mission to Nami no Kuni. Bodyguard duty for a bridge-builder named Tazuna."

"We'll take that one!" Naruto shouted before Minato could add another D-rank to the mix.

Minato raised an eyebrow. "_Naruto_…"

And just like that, his son was at least maintaining a façade of formality.

Good. Minato turned to the part-time paperwork ninja and said, "Yamaguchi-san, could you let Tazuna-san in? From what I understand, he's been arguing with the guards for the past ten minutes."

"Right away, Hokage-sama." Yamaguchi said with audible relief, and she promptly vanished.

"I liked Iruka-nii better." Naruto commented into the silence.

Sasuke sighed. "So, what's this Tazuna like?"

At that exact moment, the door to the mission office burst open. A drunken old man was led to the team by Yamaguchi, who looked like she'd rather be anywhere else. "What, are these the ones' who're supposed to be guarding me? They hardly look like they're out of diapers!"

Naruto looked crestfallen.

Sakura facepalmed. Sasuke muttered something rude. Kakashi snickered.

Minato grinned.

* * *

**A/N:** Um. I.

I'm extremely sorry for the wait. orz


	12. Things That Go Bump

**Chapter Twelve: Things That Go Bump**

**A/N:** So, it's been a while. And I'm sorry about that. But, with college, I think I might have a rather odd schedule.

Also, this one's a bit short. Sorry about that, too—there's a lot to manage for the next chapter.

* * *

"They all look like complete brats," Tazuna went on. "Especially the short one with the stupid face."

Almost immediately, Sasuke started snickering. Naruto and Sakura blinked for a moment before Naruto joined his brother in laughing, and Sakura managed to look completely mortified in under two seconds. And this time, Kakashi facepalmed. Kei decided that a hand was not enough and smacked her head against the nearest wall.

"That's my son, you know." Minato said with a razor-thin smile.

"—By which I mean he's an incredible shinobi and you should be very proud." Tazuna backtracked, breaking out into a cold sweat as the tiniest fraction of Minato's killing intent made itself known. Minato wasn't the type to attack a civilian, but the man probably needed to remember that the people he was trying to hire were nonetheless trained shinobi.

"And anyway," Kakashi cut in, "I'm here to make sure that nothing too serious happens." It was best to cut off the rant and the death threats in mid-thought, because the Hokage didn't tolerate threats to his village or his family. Ever. And he didn't need to reiterate it _every single time_ it came up even obliquely. "One jounin is assigned to every team of genin to keep things from getting out of hand. Though, as a C-rank, it shouldn't really be a problem, should it?"

Minato, Kakashi, and Kei all caught the briefest look of guilt on the old man's face. Kakashi decided to let it pass. Though if something _did_ end up happening and Naruto was hurt, he sure as hell wasn't about to guarantee Tazuna's safety against Minato in a homicidally overprotective mood.

"R-Right," Tazuna said, still nervous.

"If that's all," Minato said after a moment, "Team Seven is dismissed. Your mission begins tomorrow at nine."

"Yes, Hokage-sama!" All of the members of Team Seven said at once, though Naruto tripped over it a bit.

And then they were all gone.

Kei ended up being the one to escort Tazuna to the nearest inn—he was terrified that Minato would somehow come after him, apparently. And what she said about the Hokage's capabilities meant that he didn't get a lot of sleep that night.

Team Seven, however, regrouped on a nearby rooftop.

"So, nine tomorrow morning at the main gate, right?" Sakura asked, just to confirm their orders.

"Exactly." Kakashi said. "And try not to be late—our destination is a long walk from here. Also, bring bandages, rations, and camping supplies."

"…You're going to be late, aren't you?" Sasuke guessed suspiciously.

"Yep!" And then Kakashi vanished in a puff of white smoke.

"I hate it when he does that." Sakura said, shaking her head. "…Actually, what _does_ he do before he shows up late?"

Naruto shrugged. "Obito-nii said he has a girlfriend."

"Sensei? A _girlfriend_? Since when?" Sakura squawked.

Sasuke put in, "We don't really believe most of what Obito-nii says, anyway." He rolled his eyes. "And if he does have a girlfriend, who is she? Because he's been arriving late to things since I can remember, so that can't be the only reason."

"I think I heard the name 'Anko' come up once or twice." Naruto offered.

"Isn't she the crazy lady with purple hair?" Sakura asked, having seen the aforementioned tokubetsu jounin on a previous trip to the hospital. She'd never asked why the woman was there, though. "I can't see Sensei going out with her."

"Well, I heard something else." Sasuke challenged. Of course he would—just as Naruto would do if Sasuke had come up with the theory first. "Like 'Ayame.'"

"That's the name of Teuchi-jiisan's daughter. Kaachan would kill him." Naruto pointed out. "But I heard something about a girl he's sending letters to, even if I never heard the name."

"I can't see Kakashi-nii with a pen pal." Sasuke said flatly. "Have you ever seen his handwriting?"

"…Um, I think I have an explanation." Sakura spoke up after a while.

"What?" Sasuke and Naruto prompted together.

"Everyone you're talking about…they're his fangirls, I think." Sakura blushed. "So, I think they might be making things up to make the other girls jealous." She paused. "Though Anko would make things up just because."

"…_Please_ don't tell me you used to do that when we were in the Academy." Sasuke muttered.

"…I didn't?" Sakura squeaked.

"Can we just stop speculating on Kakashi-nii's love life?" Naruto asked after a second or two to process all the horror involved. "Because it's going really weird places we don't need to think about."

"You're the one who started it!" Sakura shouted.

"I know! But it's still weird!"

Meanwhile, in a building not too far away, Minato was doubled over laughing. Oh, Sarutobi's old crystal ball sure came in handy sometimes.

"I'm still not seeing how this is so funny, Sensei." Kakashi said dryly.

Minato just kept laughing.

* * *

"You're…actually on _time_, Sensei." Sakura said, sounding a little surprised.

"That I am, Sakura." Kakashi agreed, pulling out his slightly-worn copy of _Icha-Icha Paradise_ once again. Of course, he wasn't going to explain the why or how he was on time (a minor miracle by any standard)—there wasn't any fun in that. And if it had anything to do with Kushina threatening him at knifepoint, he certainly wasn't admitting it.

"Then where are—oh, there they are." Sakura said, watching Naruto and Sasuke both run toward the main gate of Konohagakure. Slightly behind them, Tazuna was stumbling a bit just to keep up—which might have had something to do with the kage bunshin pushing and prodding at him from behind. They clearly didn't want to have a late start either.

"Hah! Five minutes to nine, Kakashi-nii." Naruto said brightly. "And we've both got extra supplies."

Sasuke held up his backpack, which was slightly lighter than Naruto's but probably contained most of the nonperishable supplies. Like extra weapons, since it was unlikely that they'd be able to carry enough kunai and shuriken for the mission just in their hip and leg holsters.

Kakashi nodded. "Good work, team."

"Bah! We haven't even left the village yet." Tazuna complained loudly.

"It's called 'positive reinforcement,' Tazuna-san." Kakashi said. "And anyway, we'll be on our way now."

"Finally…" Tazuna muttered, but that was the end of that.

But then, from absolutely nowhere, came a cry of, "Sasuke, Naruto! You forgot your lunches!"

Kushina came barreling up the road, bearing gifts. Or a bento for each of her boys. Either way, it was ultimately the same. She looked like she was in a rush—even more than the speed she was using, the way her hair was frizzing and the sheer manic quality of her grin gave it away. Kakashi decided to get out of her way before she did it for him.

"…See, _this_ is why I said should we leave before she got back from shopping," Sasuke muttered to Naruto, reddening faintly in embarrassment. Their mother could be overenthusiastic sometimes—especially in the opinions of teenage boys.

Naruto was not, however, a typical teenage boy. "Kaachan!"

"I brought lunch for both of you." She grinned, holding up the boxes. "And Kakashi and Sakura-chan, too."

"Thank you, Kushina-sama." Sakura said. By this point, she had learned that Kushina could bull over anyone who even thought of getting in her way, including her husband and most of the clan leaders, despite being an ordinary jounin.

"Can we get a move on?" Tazuna muttered after Kushina was out of earshot.

"Yes." Kakashi gave his giddy students a lazy glance. "Team Seven?"

His genin immediately whirled to attention. So, the training with the bells and kunai had paid off. _Excellent_.

He smiled. "Move out."

* * *

Nami no Kuni was an island nation off the coast of Hi no Kuni. The only way to reach it from the mainland was to take a boat (though the bridge would help, whenever it got finished). Its primary industries were fishing and shipping, at least before a shipping mogul named Gatou moved in. It had occasional hurricanes, just like every other island near Hi no Kuni, which had rather extreme weather patterns in the late summer and early autumn. Nami no Kuni was beautiful, though, and ought to have been the kind of place that advertised its beaches for vacationing foreigners with deep pockets. It should have been prospering in the twelve years since Kiri forces had last used it as a way into Konoha territory thirteen years previous, bouncing back like it always had before.

Only it wasn't.

Shiranui Genma was fairly certain that he was only on this mission at all because the mission desk lady hated him (quite unjustifiably, in his opinion and the opinions of several people he'd asked). But since tokubetsu jounin generally didn't leave the village except for missions, he supposed it wasn't as bad as it could be—he got to visit a new part of the world, after all.

Oh, sure, Raidou probably didn't really like how their client had bumped the mission rating up to a B-rank even though they were just escorting her from place to place. Not that he cared after he saw the size of the bonus they were going to get for it, but Genma agreed with his initial assessment somewhat. There was no reason for two tokubetsu jounin to be sent on a wild goose chase like this one.

The mission scroll hadn't had much in the way of detail in it—just Yamaguchi's harsh, angular characters arranged into clipped phrases that seemed to imply that she didn't care for the one making her write the information down either—but there didn't seem to be anything really _wrong_ with it.

Until you got to the bottom, anyway.

"_This mission has no priority targets—you are bodyguards, nothing more. Keep Inabikarito from dying. Most likely enemy encounters for this mission are, in order, tsukumogami, bandits, nuke-nin, and Kiri-nin."_

He was still trying to decide if Yamaguchi was fucking with him (likely) or if Inabikarito actually thought living appliances existed (also likely).

The trip to Nami no Kuni was actually a lot shorter than Genma had estimated, too—only one-and-a-half days to the coast, even without using roads. No one had told him that the ambassador had shinobi training and could keep up with them, though he supposed he should have figured from what the rumor mill had come up with since she'd arrived. But he still didn't believe that she trained with Kakashi and Gai—_that_ was insane and probably suicidal.

Getting a damn boat took longer than the entire trip had in the first place—apparently, Gatou had effectively closed the borders of the country and only a few fishermen running lines back and forth had even a chance of getting in.

Genma and Raidou were shinobi, though, and Inabikarito had deep (figurative) pockets.

Two days after arriving at the coast of Hi no Kuni, all three of them were in Nami no Kuni.

"What exactly are we looking for?" Genma asked as they picked out a campsite later that night. "And don't tell me it's a flock of flying sandals."

Inabikarito—or Nariko, now that they'd finally gotten around to learning her given name—yawned widely and started arranging the firewood into a little circle of dead wood. "Anything out of the ordinary, really. We won't know for sure until we see it."

Genma just shook his head. She was crazy.

But Nariko didn't think that way. While Genma was dismissing her opinion—not too surprising, given that she'd never really made a point to present herself as competent if she could avoid it—and Raidou had just returned from a nearby freshwater spring with a kettle full of water, Nariko listened. She could see fairly well in the dark, smell most other youkai long before they made it close enough to attack, and had trained well enough to know what youki felt like for nearly every other type of youkai.

And there was _definitely_ a horde on this island. Of what…well, that would be the surprise.

The scent of the wilderness—trees, animals, people—was being slowly overridden by a smell not unlike rotting meat. But so far it was faint, implying that whatever had produced it was still far enough away that she'd probably see it coming. A village had already been attacked, perhaps. If not that, something had gotten to the island's population of wild boars.

"I found something." Raidou said after a moment. Nariko blinked, having been staring into the fire for a while, and looked over at him. Something white covered his right sleeve and he was trying to get it off.

"What is that?" Genma asked, tugging on what seemed like a length of some wire—string?—that was clinging to his fellow tokubetsu jounin's hands. Only it didn't act like cloth or wire…

Raidou pulled the substance apart experimentally, commenting, "Looks organic. Almost like…"

Nariko walked over to him and stared at the stuff for a moment before freezing up. "It's spider web."

"Each strand's a millimeter thick!" Genma protested. "That's not possible."

Nariko just shook her head. "I know it when I see it. These are definitely threads to a _really_ big web."

Genma said nothing for a moment. Neither did Raidou, though he continued to test the strength of the thread and Nariko noticed that it was starting to…well, for lack of a better word, set. And she couldn't remember if this was the web of one of the spider youkai that could uproot trees or not. It didn't help that she knew about three different types and all of them liked to eat humans.

So she took Raidou's hands in hers and examined the web.

"Pushy, aren't you?" Genma said in an undertone, though he didn't really seem to mean anything cruel by it.

Well, except that perhaps hand-holding meant something in shinobi culture or something. Whatever.

"Hold still," Nariko said, rather than acknowledging the comment. "I don't think this web is going to come off on its own, so I might have to burn it off."

Raidou blinked. "Isn't that a bit extreme?" Ah, right, he didn't think she could use chakra—technically true—and that she was going to make him stick his hand in the campfire. Which would be hideous overkill and probably make Raidou and Genma hate her forever, so that wasn't going to happen.

Nariko dragged him over to the campfire anyway so she could see without Genma getting in the way all the time. Her night vision was good, but not _that_ good. "Try moving your fingers," she said after they were both seated.

There was a brief silence, aside from the cheerful cracking of steam in the burning wood. "Dammit."

Genma sat down next to them, cross-legged, and said. "Before we get to trying to set Raidou on fire, do you know what sort of thing makes those webs? I didn't sense any chakra."

"Well, that depends." Nariko said thoughtfully. The threads were going to set like rubber or concrete soon enough. "I'd guess that it's a tsuchigumo or a jorougumo. But depending on what happened before we got here, it could be kumogashira instead. All spider youkai, but different types…"

"Wait, wait. Those things are real?" Raidou interrupted.

Genma blinked. "…I thought jorougumo were just house spiders."

"Yeah, they're real. And the name refers to both kinds—though jorougumo usually have to live for four hundred years before they get powers." Nariko said, frowning. "Tsuchigumo are sort of like genjutsu-users, though they move around more than the other two. Most of them don't spin webs like this and just sit around waiting for food to come to them." She paused. "I really need to get this stuff off before it hardens. So don't…flip out."

"Why would I—?" Raidou sucked in a breath as Nariko formed four rapid hand seals and a tiny green-blue flame appeared on the end of her extended index finger. It leapt from her hand to the hardening webbing and started to devour it like an ordinary fire would do to paper.

"…You have to teach me how to do that." Genma said as the web finally fell away and shriveled. Since Raidou wasn't screaming, it looked like the technique was pretty much only for stuff like web and maybe rope, but given how fast it worked, you could probably use it to take out anything appropriately vulnerable.

Like the cobwebs on his apartment ceiling that he never seemed to remember to get rid of. Or those damned dust bunnies in the mission office.

"I can try." Nariko said—though, as a kitsune and raijuu hybrid, she wasn't sure it was possible for humans to learn any of her techniques, no matter how talented they were. She dusted her hands off in the fire. "So, that's that. Where'd you find the web?"

Raidou led them both to a spot not too far from the spring. It wasn't all that far from where they were camping, either.

"…Well, the good news is that the jorougumo isn't here." Nariko said, looking into the spring and around the nearby rocks. She climbed down from the exposed rock face and shook her head. "And this seems like an old nest, so they probably won't be coming back here for a while."

"Really," said Genma in a flat voice. He shook himself. "How do you know it's old?"

Nariko pointed nearly directly overhead. "That."

It was amazing how often people just didn't look up.

"…Well, _I_ feel like a moron." Raidou muttered, staring at the exposed, blackened human skeleton dangling from the webs high overhead.

"The bones look a little scorched. But there's no way there was a fire here if these things burn up so easily." Genma said after a moment.

"I'm not completely sure, but I think I remember hearing about how kumogashira venom is partly acid." Nariko said thoughtfully. "Think that works?"

"I think we should just move our campsite somewhere else." Raidou said, shaking his head.

"Good idea."

* * *

Deep in the dense forests of Nami no Kuni, something huge stirred among the network of spider youkai webs. There was very little green left to the naked eye—the entire clearing had been coated from ground to canopy in spider silk designed to hold layer upon layer of mazelike illusions. Nothing hostile could get close without getting itself trapped in the webs and alerting every youkai in the area. After a pause, eight hairy legs receded and the creature itself shrank into a much smaller, humanoid shape. Cracking its brand new neck and shaking out the kinks in its new endoskeleton, the new figure glanced toward a little black shape at its side. "Someone just tripped the perimeter wards."

"Oh? Do we have any idea what?" Slowly, the tiny form uncurled to reveal a little tabby cat with eyes that glowed green in the dark. Her tail flicked from side to side, both tail-tips curling in the air.

"Not that I know of," her ally muttered, raising a hand to the master line of his web. "I'll send a scouting party out. Can't hurt to be careful."

The cat glanced at him. "I don't care if it's just another group of humans, but be careful if there are youkai."

"Ah, right. The 'law.'" Her companion turned his attention back to the web. "What's past is past."

"Funny how you're the one telling me that this time around." The cat said dryly. "You know what to do better than I do, anyway."

"Guess all that sniper work was worth something, then," he replied, equally withering.

"Yeah, well, it worked out well enough when we were both just running around like idiots, killing anything that looked funny or wore red." The cat turned her attention to the first of the other spider youkai to approach the master web—a jorougumo, to be specific. "Kiku, set up an ambush in the old village."

"Hime-sama, that would require much more legwork than we can pull off in one night." Kiku said carefully. All eight of her limbs were visible—though her forelimbs were busy hanging onto her biwa while the other six focused on balance and not annoying the almost hilariously tiny tabby with extraneous movement.

The last one to do so had lost the appropriate limbs. And then his head.

"Oh, don't worry. I'll be helping you set up!" the cat said with her teeth bared in a fierce grin. Kiku tried to stay absolutely still. The cat was liable to turn into a tornado of teeth, claws, and death spells whenever something annoyed her. "I have to do _something_ while the rest of you set up for our possible guests."

"And if they turn out to be more than the scouts can handle?" the first, male spider youkai spoke up, his tone absolutely flat.

The cat turned back to him, though now her face was locked into a scowl. "Then we track them down and rip them limb from limb. And I'll have new toys to play with."

"Natsu…" the spider youkai said warningly.

"Hibiki, I'll be fine." Natsu said. "After all, I have you to back me up, don't I?"

Hibiki shook his head and left the webbed clearing.

"Worrier. He'd wear a hole through the floor if I let him." Natsu muttered. "Kiku, get out of here and start work immediately."

"Yes, Natsu-hime."

* * *

**A/N:** Vocabulary time!

_Jorougumo_: Lit. "whore spider" or "binding lady" depending on the kanji used, the youkai jorougumo is a large spider youkai that can transform into the form of a woman, either playing a biwa (a Japanese lute) or carrying a baby (which usually turns out to either be a rock or her hundreds of eight-legged children) to lure prey close. On other occasions, though, jorougumo are seen as spirits who grant protection from drowning to people who are kind to spiders. And it also refers to a type of Japanese spider species: the _Nephila clavata_.

_Kumogashira_: "Spider-head" youkai—first seen in the _Inuyasha_ series in the episode where Inuyasha temporarily loses his hanyou powers, since it's the new moon.

_Tsuchigumo_: Lit. "earth spider," it's also a Japanese term for bandits and an ancient people that used to live in the mountains (whom the Japanese had frequent conflicts with). So, here it refers to a large spider youkai that wanders rather than using an orb-shaped web, and traps prey using its illusions.

Fun fact: Under the right circumstances, every one of those youkai will eat people. It seems to be a bit of a theme with animal-based youkai. :/

Less-fun fact: Thought I dropped the fugitive nekomata plot from before Madara's attack? Nope!


End file.
